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30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)


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I also feel that type of emotional hangover. I think it's a sign that we're introverted. I feel very tired after intense social periods, like going out with friends and stuff. It's not that I don't like it or that I don't have fun... but then I get home and I feel low and exhausted.

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An emotional hangover is a feeling of low mood/depression after an intense social interaction. I get them often from work, I'll be all out in amongst the hustle and bustle of the bar, mixing the band, talking to people, being excited about local live music. And then I leave that to go home, and I'm alone, in the quiet and I feel lonely and sad. Like now.

 

But really, what triggered the sad feeling Now was reading about couples that worked. Nothing quite like that to rub my face in it that mine didn't, and there isn't anyone and I am alone. And I long to love and be loved.

 

They worked but at what price. I feel like we are all destined to be relatively happier if we move on from our demons rather than trying to nourish them.

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Hehe, I am extremely extravert so not that. Maybe it's to do with whether we are good at generating internal validation or not (I am not).

 

Ahh indeed hrb23, things are rarely as they seem. Still, being single and complete is hard to imagine.

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Today I am sad. Woke up from crap stressful dream in tears, never really cheered up. I don't have any substantial work (on the biggest worknight if the week), depressing, I don't have any firm plans to see people, I've been trying to find company for the last 4 hours and now I have one person but I wasn't the main attraction, his friend who cancelled was. You only have to barely bump me and I'm crying again. I don't feel remotely people worthy, yet it's interaction I need to pull me out of this. I need a friend who knows and cares about me enough to spend time with me when I'm not fun and that friend does not exist today

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1a1a, I am right there with you. This morning I was up at 3:45 and I CANNOT stop crying over this situation. It is taking all I've got, not to contact him, and I'm stuck realizing that the past almost year between us was almost entirely crap, that he hadn't made any decent attempt to connect, and that I have missed out on so much both because of my reservations about his devaluing behaviours as much as because at heart, some core part of me, a very young part (and so ancient and deeply rooted), is just SCARED.

 

Today I am having huge trouble getting past the parts where I said no, when if I had been not so bound by old fears, I could have just said yes, which was all he wanted me to do. I spent so much time pushing against anything, when all he wanted was for me to just say yes. And I was such a . Any of the writing I do here, imagine if it were negative, and that's what I did in conflict with him. I went on and on at him in distress as easy and deeply as I do in loving. There is no way to undo the damage.

 

He still texts, and his language is simple, direct, concise. But he isn't saying or asking anything. I will not respond to texts; this merits a call, which he hasn't made. But I can't answer even if lately I think I should. Because that young ancient part of me is still just SCARED, and has no words at all.

 

I feel abandoned and it's been well over a month since we last spoke. I keep telling myself to just get through this, but some part of me is fierce that it is wrong not to talk. It just feels wrong. And I'm afraid that if I call, he'll ignore it, or that somehow he will let me know he's with someone new. And that feels worse, so, NC. I don't ever want to hear about him with someone else. We've already been through that.

 

I was thinking about you yesterday, and in some ways you are kind of lucky to be subjected to your ex in the course of a workday, and see him frequently. It's taken your story for me to recognize the difference between the hell of keeping abreast of someone's continuous character or reality, and the hell of NC where neither party has any idea what is going on, what that person does or is now, what choices or changes they may have made, or what they even look like anymore. I see my child's dad almost every other day, and we are friendly and it's fun. I don't want to *be* with him, but I know on an ongoing basis who he is; I have no questions and no regrets.

 

But not seeing this man I still love, and not hearing from him, and willfully not making or responding to any contact myself, all I have are questions and regrets. It's horrible to live with. Usually I go direct and risk the pain of inquiry or confrontation. This time I am just too afraid of even one more argument, one more conversation gone south. I try to justify NC by thinking of it as letting him lead. The fact is I am afraid of what he will tell me, if I give him audience. It bothers me that I am this afraid.

 

I never knew a human body could cry so much and so long. I am having a rough time; I feel you. (((HUGS)))

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1a1a and eidetic keep strong, I know you can do it! The feelings of loneliness and abandonment are so hard to endure. This situation sucks and it's so unfair but I'm sure that in time this pain will get less and less.

 

 

(((Big hugs)))

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*adds to the hug pile*

 

I think that fear that stops you from reaching out is your instincts protecting you Eidetic. And perhaps this is the relationship that prompts you to face the old fears that made you say no and grapple with them, and there will be another relationship in time, where you can say yes, and it will come from a place of confidence and understanding of yourself (and not just you trying to bend yourself into a different shape to fit what your ex wanted). And it will be with a partner who reacts less badly to no. (Not that there is anything wrong with him reacting badly, it just made you two a bad combination).

 

I found a couple of people, and my mood picked up, and then my vegan friend calls hysterical because her beloved cat boy has escaped the house and been hit by a car and left the mortal coil. So I drive her home and be moral support. Very perspective shift.

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Stupid movies with stupid triggers. Watched Passengers. There's a scene where the woman dresses up for a date and when the man sees her he goes 'wow'

 

Now when ex and I first started hanging out he was still crushed on a gorgeous young woman in his friend group. One time she arrived at a group hang dressed up for her birthday and ex saw her and said 'wow'. Towards the end of our relationship, we all hung out one night, him, her, her boyfriend and I. She touched him a lot and drank his drink and I had a massive crisis of image self confidence (as in, next to her I felt drab and ugly).

 

A friend of mine took me clothes shopping, I hoped to dress to impress, that I too could elicit a 'wow' from my ex's lips. There never came an appropriate Occassion to wear the dress I bought and then we were split. He never thought I was 'wow'. (I brought this up as an issue for me before the end and he said he thought my sound tech skills were wow......that is not the same......*slumps*) And then my mind wanders to the 6 year relationship before him. That guy loved my mind, but he never thought I looked wow either, not even when I lost weight and got close to not fat. What if I never find someone who actually finds me gorgeous? (Although at this rate, I won't even find someone who likes my mind). *curses hockey love story arc for triggering miserable feels*

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Stupid movies with stupid triggers. Watched Passengers. There's a scene where the woman dresses up for a date and when the man sees her he goes 'wow'

 

Now when ex and I first started hanging out he was still crushed on a gorgeous young woman in his friend group. One time she arrived at a group hang dressed up for her birthday and ex saw her and said 'wow'. Towards the end of our relationship, we all hung out one night, him, her, her boyfriend and I. She touched him a lot and drank his drink and I had a massive crisis of image self confidence (as in, next to her I felt drab and ugly).

 

A friend of mine took me clothes shopping, I hoped to dress to impress, that I too could elicit a 'wow' from my ex's lips. There never came an appropriate Occassion to wear the dress I bought and then we were split. He never thought I was 'wow'. (I brought this up as an issue for me before the end and he said he thought my sound tech skills were wow......that is not the same......*slumps*) And then my mind wanders to the 6 year relationship before him. That guy loved my mind, but he never thought I looked wow either, not even when I lost weight and got close to not fat. What if I never find someone who actually finds me gorgeous? (Although at this rate, I won't even find someone who likes my mind). *curses hockey love story arc for triggering miserable feels*

 

I can totally understand that "wow" thing. I rarely felt that I was "wow" not only to this guy but to others in my past. I know he loved my mind and found me very special inside, but in the beginning he even told me that my body type wasn't his type and at that moment it hurt a lot though I tried to play it off, because I myself knew I was overweight and it wasn't healthy for me and before that comment I already wanted and was trying to change that.

 

That feeling that we enter a room and they find us the most beautiful thing ever and it shows in their eyes. I know that some people might find this superficial or an ego thing, but it's so good to feel that we are "wow" to the one we also find "wow" in every way.

 

I've also lost weight these last months, but I never actually felt my self esteem rising and I might feel fine when I look at myself in the mirror at home, but as soon as I get out, I don't feel so beautiful. I guess that we both have to change this perspective of not being attractive enough and find ways of getting our self esteem to an healthy place.

 

And of course you'll find someone who loves your mind, body and soul. Unfortunately it wasn't this guy. You'll get there, but first you have to heal your heart.

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This is a great idea, I hope it serves you well. It's been a year since my last ex of no contact at all (and I mean zero contact). I went cold turkey and it was the hardest thing ever because we were together for few years. And I did it alone, lived alone without family around me (they are far away). So, anyone can do it.. if you want to move on and be happy, leave the past behind. And if you can do NC for 30 days, then you've moved on

 

Wish you all luck!

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This is a great idea, I hope it serves you well. It's been a year since my last ex of no contact at all (and I mean zero contact). I went cold turkey and it was the hardest thing ever because we were together for few years. And I did it alone, lived alone without family around me (they are far away). So, anyone can do it.. if you want to move on and be happy, leave the past behind. And if you can do NC for 30 days, then you've moved on

 

Wish you all luck!

 

Thank you!!! I've made it and I am so happy I decided to do this.

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Hey everyone, how are we??

 

I've have been mostly working, not feeling too lonely (except the other weekend when, I think I was recovering from the disappointment of another potential live interest fizzling and I felt low and lonely).

 

The last week I've been talking to a cute boy (or I should say, he's been talking to me!!) seems like green flags gently waving, although I can't tell yet if he just wants a friend and I am projecting interest, but new friend is good too. Having to be paaatient and give it space to unfold (I have a historical tendency to speed things up by making the first move. This time I just want to linger in flirting town for a bit and see what happens - how do flirt, anyone?)

 

I'm not aloud to forget who am, must keep going with friending and working and practicing guitar and maybe clean the house now *sigh*

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Hey everyone, how are we??

 

I've have been mostly working, not feeling too lonely (except the other weekend when, I think I was recovering from the disappointment of another potential live interest fizzling and I felt low and lonely).

 

The last week I've been talking to a cute boy (or I should say, he's been talking to me!!) seems like green flags gently waving, although I can't tell yet if he just wants a friend and I am projecting interest, but new friend is good too. Having to be paaatient and give it space to unfold (I have a historical tendency to speed things up by making the first move. This time I just want to linger in flirting town for a bit and see what happens - how do flirt, anyone?)

 

I'm not aloud to forget who am, must keep going with friending and working and practicing guitar and maybe clean the house now *sigh*

 

I am doing okay, I am glad you met someone! I am suffering from loneliness and missing companionship 😳 not a good feeling

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I am doing okay, I am glad you met someone! I am suffering from loneliness and missing companionship 😳 not a good feeling

 

*massive fistbump* I have definitely had waves of that feeling over the last 6 months. It's being mostly held at bay at the moment by work and friend faces (And new person excitement/hope but that oscillates a bit with the whole not being certain yet). Use it as a prompt to reach out and ask friends how they are going (or adventure out to a social activity to meet some new people if the friends are thin on the ground).

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On my 5th day of NC today, reading all of the stories here burns my fire of NC even more. Keep up the good aura everyone. Wish me luck on this journey!

 

Good luck! It all gets better as I'm sure everyone here can attest to.

 

I just broke it off with the girl I had been dating as I was getting some red flags. The kind I would have missed before. I've found I can both have feelings for someone else and also learn from the past. I can feel myself growing so much this year.

 

I met a girl that I really like who is essentially my best friend now despite us having so much in common and the huge crush I have on her. She has a bf so I won't be letting her know how I really feel but again it's good to know I can have these feelings.

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Hey everyone, i know its been a while since i last posted but my internet was down, bad service and the rain haha but i hope yall are all doing ok, i caught up on everything so far to be exact. It took a couple of days to do so but i just wanted to know how you guys were doing and coping with the breaking of the heart situation.

 

I was hoping to find out if, well i know the point of nc is to forget about ex and move on but in some cases of nc the ex has a change of heart but as i read and caught back up i see that wasn't the case.. For any of us

 

Not that we want them back or anything, its just that you guys are the most beautiful people i met in a while. Kind souls, lovable and caring. Im glad to have met you all and for being there when no one else would listen.. Thank you

 

Thats why im bother that nobody ex realized the mistake they made and some haven't even heard a word from them or in other cases, like mine.. The ex just don't care for them anymore. I understand why my ex may feel the same about me, im nothing special, im nothing.. but as for you all, your ex's should be begging to be back with you.

 

Its gotta be a pride thing, they just don't wanna admit they were wrong and their ego is keeping them away. Its they lost because i know yall gonna be happy in a relationship and maybe even marriage.. Who knows but what i do know is yall all are unique and deserve the best

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This is a great thread. I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me yesterday (for the second time). I dropped his stuff off today and will be starting NC. I am nervous because he was my best friend and I still love him so much. I respect myself enough to let this go. I know it will be hard. But I'm hoping that by the end of it, I feel happy again.

 

Best of luck to anyone else in a similar situation!

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This is a great thread. I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me yesterday (for the second time). I dropped his stuff off today and will be starting NC. I am nervous because he was my best friend and I still love him so much. I respect myself enough to let this go. I know it will be hard. But I'm hoping that by the end of it, I feel happy again.

 

Best of luck to anyone else in a similar situation!

 

Hear Hear. I had the exact same situation (at first). I was cheated on for the second time BUT then instead of walking away I kept sleeping with her (after she left me for him) and then begged her to be with me again. I'm so embarrassed by what happened between the breakup and the NC. The best thing you can do right now is HARD NC, and I mean no excuses, you'll thank yourself for it so much later without even realizing.

 

I'm so much happier now i've figured my life out without her in it.

 

Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

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