Jump to content

30 days of No Contact log ( Think I can do it?)


Recommended Posts

Your learning curve from this experience Annia, is to have a better idea of what you want from the other person. That is valuable valuable information I reckon

 

Have you moved yet? Or still prepping and (I hope) still Living in your current location?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 764
  • Created
  • Last Reply

1a1a, stay away from the FB!

 

Just stopping by to say, I am not on any dating apps. But I will be swimming with manta rays on his birthday.

 

I am still in "compare" mode. I figure hanging out with a living active 9- to 11-foot wingspan will cut my memories of this guy down to size.

 

Sometimes the majesty of the non-human natural world can really pull us back to Self. It's one of the most unconflicted ways I know, to clear the deck for the new.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi everyone! I'm so thankful for this thread. Two words..Dignified Silence. June 29th will be two weeks NC for me. I thought I was only in week one, LOL, which means I somewhat lost track...good thing. Today I wish to live healthy (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual). I wish that for all of us. Keep up NC!! We are doing the darn thing one day at a time!! Regain our self dignity. There is power in silence.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your learning curve from this experience Annia, is to have a better idea of what you want from the other person. That is valuable valuable information I reckon

 

Have you moved yet? Or still prepping and (I hope) still Living in your current location?

 

Thank you. I'm learning a lot for sure. It's just that this month seems like wedding season and that's not helping me much. Next week I have another wedding and I'm sure I'll be listening to the same questions and comments all over again lol

 

I'm still prepping. I still have 3 more months at my country and then I move.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi everyone! I'm so thankful for this thread. Two words..Dignified Silence. June 29th will be two weeks NC for me. I thought I was only in week one, LOL, which means I somewhat lost track...good thing. Today I wish to live healthy (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual). I wish that for all of us. Keep up NC!! We are doing the darn thing one day at a time!! Regain our self dignity. There is power in silence.

 

This brought a huge smile to my face. Thank for your insightful and caring message. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. It is life changing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

30 days here I am!

 

But I don't intend to break this absolute NC. I had a weakness moment where I thought about snooping his and his girlfriend social media after I reached the 30 days. But no, I won't do it, it would set me back because I'm still not completely healed. I want to keep this for an indefinite amount of time. I'll set another timestamp which will be until I leave the country in about 3 months or something, but I will stop counting the days. I'll continue to come to this thread though in times I might feel some sort of weakness... I really want to do things right this time.

 

And I also love "Dignified Silence"... such a good term!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want to thank everyone of your support. It has been wonderful and of great help. I think that without you I couldn't have spent this 30 days snooping free. Now I'll keep up the good work. I hope everyone is feeling better too day by day and keeping away from your source of pain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want to thank everyone of your support. It has been wonderful and of great help. I think that without you I couldn't have spent this 30 days snooping free. Now I'll keep up the good work. I hope everyone is feeling better too day by day and keeping away from your source of pain.

 

Wait its been 30 days of pure NC already?? Wow how time flies!! Congratulations!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wait its been 30 days of pure NC already?? Wow how time flies!! Congratulations!!!

 

Thank you!

 

For me the time passed slowly haha

 

But now it's time to continue... I want to keep this until I don't feel anything for him, so I guess some more months of this. And probably when I feel nothing, I won't even have the urge to snoop lol

 

And how are you? Feeling better?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been at this point where somedays I feel good about all this and like I'm moving on, and others a sudden sadness attacks. I think that in time the rollercoaster gets smoother... we just have to hang on and keep going. Today I feel kind of bitter, but it'll pass I hope.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been at this point where somedays I feel good about all this and like I'm moving on, and others a sudden sadness attacks. I think that in time the rollercoaster gets smoother... we just have to hang on and keep going. Today I feel kind of bitter, but it'll pass I hope.

 

I get sadness attacks as well! It gets better, I promise.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The last few days I'd almost venture to say 'I don't feel bad or sad'. I still get a really strong feeling of I want to be around people after work (like 1am on a fri/sat night). Those people are really hard to find. Ex is one of them. I wanted to ask him about getting some lighting gear off of him too so I ended up gravitating towards his gig after work and helping him pack up and then doing our post work food thing. There was a friend of mine in the beergarden of the venue where he'd worked, I could have peeled off and hung with them (although I wanted food, and to Dream lighting installations). Ex is still good for talking shop, and being awake and Willing to hang out late at night. Firmly wearing his friend hat, I suppose getting back to the friendship is looking increasingly promising. And an observation, ex replies to messages more now (and surely I am less invested in getting those replies) and the whole thing feels much much better than the times of great silence.

 

Now I am home and incredibly tired and starting to get an emotional hangover. But actually, the trigger towards low mood was reading a thread of comments about friendships that have survived one sided love. Because the idea of him loving and committing to someone else still grates. But I suppose I will come to accept it when that happens. And knocks on wood* maybe before that happens I will have found someone of my own to love and be loved by.....(and I'm posting here to try and stave off that low mood by acquiring objectivity/better perspective)

 

Hrb23 I'm glad you're taking steps away from believing your ex is the only one.

 

Annia, you are nailing this no snooping thing!!! I know you haven't got long in current home but if you can fit it in around prepping and packing, do some Life things. See friends, create something, explore somewhere, do the things that make you happy you've alive (and if you don't know what those are, brainstorm some to try)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The last few days I'd almost venture to say 'I don't feel bad or sad'. I still get a really strong feeling of I want to be around people after work (like 1am on a fri/sat night). Those people are really hard to find. Ex is one of them. I wanted to ask him about getting some lighting gear off of him too so I ended up gravitating towards his gig after work and helping him pack up and then doing our post work food thing. There was a friend of mine in the beergarden of the venue where he'd worked, I could have peeled off and hung with them (although I wanted food, and to Dream lighting installations). Ex is still good for talking shop, and being awake and Willing to hang out late at night. Firmly wearing his friend hat, I suppose getting back to the friendship is looking increasingly promising. And an observation, ex replies to messages more now (and surely I am less invested in getting those replies) and the whole thing feels much much better than the times of great silence.

 

Now I am home and incredibly tired and starting to get an emotional hangover. But actually, the trigger towards low mood was reading a thread of comments about friendships that have survived one sided love. Because the idea of him loving and committing to someone else still grates. But I suppose I will come to accept it when that happens. And knocks on wood* maybe before that happens I will have found someone of my own to love and be loved by.....(and I'm posting here to try and stave off that low mood by acquiring objectivity/better perspective)

 

Hrb23 I'm glad you're taking steps away from believing your ex is the only one.

 

Annia, you are nailing this no snooping thing!!! I know you haven't got long in current home but if you can fit it in around prepping and packing, do some Life things. See friends, create something, explore somewhere, do the things that make you happy you've alive (and if you don't know what those are, brainstorm some to try)

 

If you don't mind me asking, what is an emotional hangover?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The last few days I'd almost venture to say 'I don't feel bad or sad'. I still get a really strong feeling of I want to be around people after work (like 1am on a fri/sat night). Those people are really hard to find. Ex is one of them. I wanted to ask him about getting some lighting gear off of him too so I ended up gravitating towards his gig after work and helping him pack up and then doing our post work food thing. There was a friend of mine in the beergarden of the venue where he'd worked, I could have peeled off and hung with them (although I wanted food, and to Dream lighting installations). Ex is still good for talking shop, and being awake and Willing to hang out late at night. Firmly wearing his friend hat, I suppose getting back to the friendship is looking increasingly promising. And an observation, ex replies to messages more now (and surely I am less invested in getting those replies) and the whole thing feels much much better than the times of great silence.

 

Now I am home and incredibly tired and starting to get an emotional hangover. But actually, the trigger towards low mood was reading a thread of comments about friendships that have survived one sided love. Because the idea of him loving and committing to someone else still grates. But I suppose I will come to accept it when that happens. And knocks on wood* maybe before that happens I will have found someone of my own to love and be loved by.....(and I'm posting here to try and stave off that low mood by acquiring objectivity/better perspective)

 

Hrb23 I'm glad you're taking steps away from believing your ex is the only one.

 

Annia, you are nailing this no snooping thing!!! I know you haven't got long in current home but if you can fit it in around prepping and packing, do some Life things. See friends, create something, explore somewhere, do the things that make you happy you've alive (and if you don't know what those are, brainstorm some to try)

 

Btw I'm so happy that you feel much more content now!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For everyone struggling with NC, I promise it does get better. I know that I have some circunstancies in my favour that some of you might not have at the moment, but I can't express enough how I think that following through NC (or LC in case you work together or have kids together) for an extended period of time can help anyone struggling with this type of pain.

 

I still think about him more than I should, but I've finally accepted that we'll probably never be together again and that's ok. I'll make it through this. NC also allowed to actually focus on myself and my goals. He's still an important subject in my mind, but now the "room" he takes in there is smaller and smaller as time goes by.

 

Being far away from him in every way has made me realize that though he didn't do anything specifically wrong to me and that I was also a willing participant in it (I was struggling with the fact that I saw nothing wrong in him)... he also has shortcomings and we were probably not the right person for each other. I think we have different needs and different ways of seeing relationships and in the future that would break us sooner or later, or at least that'd be hard for me. It's not that my needs or views are better or worse, they're just different from his.

 

The online snooping urges have decreased. I still think about snooping his social media and his girlfriend's sometimes when I'm on my computer or cellphone, but those urges are much weaker than before and they come to my mind as fast as they go. I still feel some emptiness in not being in "almost constant contact" with him anymore, but that emptiness is growing smaller the more I focus on other people and things. This total NC time made it possible that I focused on other areas of my life I was neglecting when I was in the midst of my pain and "emotionally masochistic ways". Sometimes I still think about maybe contacting him, but I won't do it because I finally feel that I don't want to and that it's not good for me.

 

Knowing that he's happy with someone else might still be painful, but it takes away all the hope and in a way that helps me move on. However, I don't need to see him with someone else and to masochistically hurt myself with online snooping because that doesn't take me anywhere, keeps me tangle in him for a longer period of time and delays my healing process.

 

I went from crying until my head hurt for many nights in a row to a lighter sadness mixed with a growing acceptance of everything.

 

So I believe that if you stick to it, you too will start breaking free from that "addiction"... because many times it's the addiction component that makes it so hard.

 

Good luck everyone!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good on you. Day 2 is better than day 0. Just make sure to come here when you feel weak. I'm on day 8 or so too. I would have been on day 79 (just counted it) but I'm glad I broke it because it broke the denial I was in. She did message me back but I'm not interested now. Haven't even opened her last reply and she can see that I haven't.

 

Because of that setback my life is now completely different. Went on holiday, joined a new club, and had a job interview yesterday. People here say the pain is a blessing in disguise. Well I agree with them, but you can only see that blessing after letting time go by. Trust me. You got this

 

Hey ! What denial were you in ? It's been 95 days since I talked to him and I want to text him... What did you say to her ?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A picture of a mutual friend showing up on my feed. His name showing up right away on the "likes". Me shutting the window as fast as I could like I've seen a ghost or something, so that I wouldn't click further to see his profile pic. The relief of taking it out of my face lmao

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A picture of a mutual friend showing up on my feed. His name showing up right away on the "likes". Me shutting the window as fast as I could like I've seen a ghost or something, so that I wouldn't click further to see his profile pic. The relief of taking it out of my face lmao

 

Block him so you don't have to see S like that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So it's been over 30 days since I spoke to her. I met someone new actually and I realized a lot in doing so.

 

It was the girl I wrote about on the last page. Our dates went great and I realized I had nothing to worry about. I'm a solid dude and a pretty sick catch and my X made me lose sight of that. I wasn't going on this date for any sort of validation at all but it definitely gave me some. I can like and be liked by other people that are way better for me than she was.

 

I spoke to the new girl last night and she is coming over tonight to a party im hosting with all my friends. She can't wait to meet them all and she is being so considerate about what to bring etc. It's like I'm dating an actual real life person.

 

I don't know where this will go or if it will lead to a relationship but I do know that there is better out there. I'm flying out to Texas next week for my birthday weekend. Life is moving finally which only happened once I finally let go. My ex is a distant memory and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm secretly thankful for her never reaching out but maybe one day she will. I won't be replying.

 

To anybody picking up this thread late on, you'll get there, I promise. I'm not 100% yet but I feel so so so much better than I once did.

 

To the guys that got there before I did, thanks for telling me it would get better, thanks for believing in me and helping to guide me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So it's been over 30 days since I spoke to her. I met someone new actually and I realized a lot in doing so.

 

It was the girl I wrote about on the last page. Our dates went great and I realized I had nothing to worry about. I'm a solid dude and a pretty sick catch and my X made me lose sight of that. I wasn't going on this date for any sort of validation at all but it definitely gave me some. I can like and be liked by other people that are way better for me than she was.

 

I spoke to the new girl last night and she is coming over tonight to a party im hosting with all my friends. She can't wait to meet them all and she is being so considerate about what to bring etc. It's like I'm dating an actual real life person.

 

I don't know where this will go or if it will lead to a relationship but I do know that there is better out there. I'm flying out to Texas next week for my birthday weekend. Life is moving finally which only happened once I finally let go. My ex is a distant memory and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm secretly thankful for her never reaching out but maybe one day she will. I won't be replying.

 

To anybody picking up this thread late on, you'll get there, I promise. I'm not 100% yet but I feel so so so much better than I once did.

 

To the guys that got there before I did, thanks for telling me it would get better, thanks for believing in me and helping to guide me.

 

I am extremely proud of you!!!!!!!! You have came a longggg way!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

An emotional hangover is a feeling of low mood/depression after an intense social interaction. I get them often from work, I'll be all out in amongst the hustle and bustle of the bar, mixing the band, talking to people, being excited about local live music. And then I leave that to go home, and I'm alone, in the quiet and I feel lonely and sad. Like now.

 

But really, what triggered the sad feeling Now was reading about couples that worked. Nothing quite like that to rub my face in it that mine didn't, and there isn't anyone and I am alone. And I long to love and be loved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...