I may have gotten back on the horse too quickly...

[Krankor]

So, I'm 40. About 3 weeks ago my 35 year old girlfriend of 5 months ended things. I took it pretty well and haven't contacted her since. I let a week and change go by, and then reactivated my account on a dating app. I immediately reached out to a woman who I'd been talking to before and have been talking to three others. One I've already exchanged phone numbers with and we've been talking that way. I haven't arranged to meet any of them yet.

 

Like I said, I took getting dumped in stride. But today, suddenly, it hit me that I really, really miss her. Maybe I shouldn't. She dumped me via text, and I was starting to see things about her I wasn't sure about; she could be pretty nasty in the way she spoke about other people. But that's just how I feel. I'm not going to contact her, but I wish she'd decide she wants me back and contact me. There were so many things I was looking forward to with her. I miss talking to her and frankly I miss having sex with her.

 

With the four women I've been talking to, one seems to have lost interest and blown me off. The one I exchanged nunbers with (stupidly) seems like kind of a dud; she just isn't fun to talk to. But the other two seem like fun, solid, quality women. I don't really want to shut the door in them, but I'm just not feeling super motivated. I realize now that I was just lonely and looking for some attention to fill the void.

 

And to top it off another ex--the one who dumped me before--has been randomly messaging me ever since I was broken up with (we still work together and she probably got wind of it) wanting to talk to me about this dietary stuff her daughter is doing, telling me to check my work email because there is interesting stuff, etc. I don't think she means anything by it but my only thought was "Eww, don't try to rekindle anything other than friendship with me. I'm completely ready to be friends again but you're not what I want anymore. I want my last one back."

 

So, I'm not sure if I should just hit the pause button and drop out of the dating scene for now, maybe telling those two "Hey, now's not a good time but maybe I can look you up again" or if I should give it more of a chance.

[KantSleep]

It might be in your best interest to take a break from dating. Personally, I would not be interested in dating someone a few weeks out of a relationship. While yours was only 5 months, it sounds like you loved her and wished things had worked out differently. Your emotional availability is questionable. Wait until you feel enthusiasm again. The ex isn't out of your head yet (understandably so). Good luck.

[SadSadgirl]

it sounds like you're dating to fill a void and that's extremely unhealthy and can lead to addictive behaviors. take some time to yourself

[annie24]

So, I'm not sure if I should just hit the pause button and drop out of the dating scene for now, maybe telling those two "Hey, now's not a good time but maybe I can look you up again" or if I should give it more of a chance.

 

I think you probably should tell those two exactly that - that you might have jumped back in the dating pool a bit too quickly but would like to talk again (if they are single and available) once you have had more time to heal. It sucks but I would understand if a guy said that to me.

[Ms Darcy]

Sounds a bit too fast.

[Careerchoice]

I remember I got dumped by a girl I was dating for 6 months on a Monday. I felt terrible that entire week. I had started to connect with a new friend who wanted to set me up on a double-blind date with his girlfriend's best friend on Friday. I did not want to go on that date at all. I remember complaining to him about it over lunch. But I went, and it turned out to be a very fun night and the start of a new relationship that lasted a little over a year. She made me completely forget about the ex. So I know it may be popular advice to take time off to heal, it's not necessarily the best advice. We're on this planet only for a limited time.

[SooSad33]

I suggest you work on getting over this ex for a while yet.. it's all still fresh- 3 weeks.. and she's still on your mind.

Don't get involved for another few months, at least.. or it can end up like a rebound.. hard n fast and then you got more pains!

 

Slow down... do your own time. No need to rush and hurt anyone or yourself more.

 

And... if she was pretty negative- which may be a red flag for you.. why would you want to hear from her again?

No- you don't.... keep walking.

[jujusamples]

I suggest you getting over your ex and work on your self esteem. Whomever you date now is just a rebound. It's not fair to them. Take a break from the dating scene until you are over your ex. Experience being single and not in a relationship all the time. You are just confusing yourself and you will do more harm than good.

[Wiseman2]

Just follow through and have a quick coffee meet. No expectations. See how you feel afterward. if they are quality women they won't be there if you pull out now.

the other two seem like fun, solid, quality women. I don't really want to shut the door in them, but I'm just not feeling super motivated.

[Krankor]

Just follow through and have a quick coffee meet. No expectations. See how you feel afterward. if they are quality women they won't be there if you pull out now.

Maybe, although I have to say that I don't normally do coffee or lunch dates with women I intend to court romantically. To me, that's something friends do and it subtley starts things off on the wrong foot.