Jump to content

I'm in love with two men


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone, I just need some advice on what to do.

I know my life is a bit complicated but please try to understand.


I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, Pete for 5 years. We have lived together for 2 years while I was still in high school. He was my best friend for all those years and was always there for me when I needed him. He is very wise and pushes me to do my very best. I know he believes in me and my dreams. However, at the same time, sometimes he can be over protective and this has caused me to lose a couple friends. He understands my family situation (Bear in my I haven't had the best childhood) and tries to help me through it. I know me and him have a strong connection and it is real. Sex with him is the best in life, he literally makes me feel on top of the world, he knows what I like. However, he did not go to college and so, he is not much help to me when I am stressed over schoolwork, because he does not understand.


Jake is charming, sweet and would do anything to make me happy. However, he is a bit immature at times,easily swayed by other people and is not that great in bed. We went to the same high school for 7 years, however he was just a friend and I didn't see him as a candidate to be my boyfriend. Now that we go to the same university, we have become very close, we share almost everything with each other, he makes me laugh everyday, he is very smart and can relate to me on a personal level. He also helps me when I am stressed with school and tries to make my work load less. I feel like we can laugh together at the stupidest things!


I had been with Pete for four years when I left my country to go to college in June 2016. We were two young lovers trying to do the long-distance thing. It was difficult but I know we could make it. 3 months passed and in October Jake started college with me and we were spending every day together. We had a connection and eventually we fell in love. I had sex with Jake several times in December but it just could not compare to the sex that Pete gives. All this time, I was still talking to Pete as if everything were normal. By the end of December I returned home where I would spend a month with Pete after 6 long months. When I first saw him at the airport, i felt so strange and uncomfortable. The next day he found out about Jake by snooping in my phone. I was not aware that he knew so when he was questioning me about Jake I lied to him continuously until he showed me the texts. Even then, I denied having sex with Jake. He pretended to talk to Jake as if it were me and Jake unknowingly reveled that we had sex. I stopped talking to Jake for that period of time while I was home, but we still managed to talk when Pete left me at home. Pete found out that I was still talking to Jake and he got so upset that he held me in a choke hold and punched me. Pete decided to forgive me for cheating and he wanted to work on us. I was very emotionally distraught from all that had happened so I didn't know who to choose. The morning of my flight, Pete asked me if I would choose him and never talk to Jake when I went back to school, and I said yes, knowing that I was unsure.


The day I got back to the university, I saw Jake and we had sex the same day. I was only going to see him for 3 days until I had to leave to go 1000 miles away for an internship. So I decided to make the most of it, we had sex twice more for that time, it was okay. I had to leave Jake back at college and start my internship. I was now alone, not with Jake or Pete. For the first week, I spoke with both of them at the same time until I decided that I couldn't do it. I told Pete everything that I had done and though he was very upset and mostly disappointed, eventually he said he still wanted to work on us and that he could try to forgive me again. At this moment, I chose Pete over Jake. I reduced the amount that i spoke to Jake significantly for that period of 3 months that I was gone from him. However, I did not tell him that I chose Pete, so he still had it in mind that I was going to come around. I spoke with a mutual friend of Jake and I, Don about the situation and told him that I am choosing Pete.


After the three months of my internship, I returned to the university where I saw Jake again and though I tried to ignore him, later that same day, I was all in his arms kissing him. He helped me to get settled in school for that first week and we have been seeing each other every weekend since (its been a month). We talk everyday and when I see him, although I try not to have sex with him, we still take part in sexual activities just not sex. He supports me emotionally. I now talk to him more than I talk to Pete. Flashback two weeks ago, when I realized that I was doing 2 boyfriends again, I told Pete once more that I have been spending time with Jake. Pete believes that I have stopped. Another conflict is also present, where the mutual friends of Jake and I, are not supporting out relationship since they think I am just using Jake at my convenience. It has caused tension between everyone and now I feel like I have become a problem to everyone because I can not choose between my lovers. When Jake is put to the test by his friends telling him not to be with me, he has a mind of his own, and he chooses to still pursue me knowing that I still haven't chosen between him and Pete.


Pete has been there for me when I needed him most and I want to be there for him when he needs me. However, Jake also needs me. I know I can't be continuously playing games with both of them, I will have to choose one. As it relates to seeing a future with each one of them, when I think of a future with Pete I see one where I am in Jamaica doing something that is completely unrelated to what I am studying. Pete just started a wholesale business and I know if I go back we could build together and hopefully make a life of opening several across the country. But what if I become an engineer and get a job in the US and Pete just stays with his little wholesale not making much money to provide for our potential family?). Pete would be an awesome dad and a loving husband. When I think of a future with Jake, we are both studying engineering so I think we will both have 9-5 jobs, which I don't want, I want to start a business but I don't know what I can start in this foreign country. I have many budding business ideas which all point back to my home country. That still doesn't mean I can't spend my life with Jake. I think Jake will likewise be an awesome dad and a caring husband. Pete and I have history together and I know he loves me dearly. However I know also that Jake really loves me too and I feel like we really have a connection.


I don't want to hurt anyone, but one person has to be hurt and I don't know who to choose. I have also tried telling both of them that I will let both of them go and I just stay by myself, but that has failed. I need to chose but how do I choose? PLEASE HELP ME!

Link to comment
Another conflict is also present, where the mutual friends of Jake and I, are not supporting out relationship since they think I am just using Jake at my convenience.

And they are right- you ARE using him while remaining in a relationship with Pete. All because you are a coward.


You are a cheater. Straight up using BOTH men.


However, at the same time, sometimes he can be over protective and this has caused me to lose a couple friends.


Pete found out that I was still talking to Jake and he got so upset that he held me in a choke hold and punched me.


Pete would be an awesome dad and a loving husband.

Wow Are you F'ing serious?


He's extremely abusive. He successfully managed to get rid of your friends to keep you all to himself like a prisoner, attempted to kill you, and you honestly think this man is husband material? Or even a good fatherly figure? Are you for real? Please remove those rose colored glasses and take a good look at the big picture involving this man.


I would NEVER trust a man who abuses women around children. If he is capable of nearly killing you, what says about his lack of self restraint around an innocent child?


You and Pete were wrong. You should of broke up with this man before hooking up with Jake. And he is controlling and abusive no matter what past you suffered.



You need professional help. You need to sort out you past and current problems or you are going to have a repeat of childhood problems affecting your future family. Please go seek a therapist because you are not leading a healthy lifestyle. You really need help and deserve to associate yourself with better people than these clowns. And break it off with Pete for good. Stop the hiding and lying altogether. If he threatens or tries to hurt you, you call the police. Until you get help, stop using Jake for sex.

Link to comment

End it with both of them. YOu need time to gain independence, confidence and figure out who you are as a single person.


- Pete is abusive. A guy that chokes and punches his girlfriend is not caring and great husband/father material.

- Jakes friends are right to warn him. You are using him and cheating on both of the guys

- You don't owe Pete anything for being there for you always

Link to comment

I'm going to ignore the glaring infidelity part...


Simply put: Pete's abusive. Jake you don't have chemistry or attraction.


Find someone where you are compatible and have that connection, then make your commitment. It certainly ain't these two...

Link to comment

Is Pete a lot older than you?


It's not right for him to put you in a choke hold and/or hit you, in either case.


You got yourself into this mess all by yourself. All you had to do was say "no" to Jake, or "bye" to Pete. Now it's a big mess, and there is no simple solution.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...