Khronicles of Ky

[SadSadgirl]

i tried writing in my journal in real life and it just isn't helping, so hoping this will be different since i'm using my phone lol.

 

anyway, i really hate waking up. i don't mean this in like a suicidal way, but every time i wake up i have an anxiety attack and it makes me feel horrible. overthinking is like my #1 hobby..

my sleep schedule has also been really ugly. i tried taking melatonin to make me tired, but after researching i just learned it messes with your sleep cycle. woke up at 4 PM yesterday. i'm definitely not looking forward to school tomorrow! been so unmotivated it's not even funny.

[SadSadgirl]

to my lovely ex:

 

it's saddening to think I was one of the many girlfriends you dated just to have the high of infatuation. you took all of my firsts when you didn't deserve it at all. whenever things are getting comfortable, you leave because it makes you uncomfortable. you've never experienced love, and you think you are in love. sadly, you're in love with the idea of who you date. you make your girlfriend seem like the perfect extraterrestrial being, and when they fail to prove that they're the person you thought they were, you leave. it's as if you're never content. why do you get into relationships knowing they're going to end 3 months later? what the hell is wrong with you?? why do you use and manipulate people like its normal, like it's your way to breathe? do you understand what you're doing to people? you date people to fill a void, and then get so, so disappointed when you realize they have needs just like you. you want a perfect girlfriend yet you're far from perfect, you're a horrible, disgusting, ugly person, so why should you date someone perfect? you've dated perfect girls and they weren't enough. you've dated me, for I am perfect. and autumn, she's perfect aswell. you're nowhere near perfect. that's why you date these amazing people and suck the life out of them in hopes to become what they are. you're so disappointed in yourself that you jump into a relationship with the first person that shows interest in you. ohh, 2 months in you see how crazy she is, that she doesn't wear makeup every time you come over, she doesn't reciprocate your sexual desire, she's sad all the time, she wants to watch Hell's Kitchen instead of Broad City, you see she isn't the perfect person you made her out to be. so you become disappointed. and then you leave. and search for someone else that you think is perfect, when they're really not. and 2 months from now you're going to be single yet again, looking for that 'perfect' girl to become attached to you, want to help you, only for you to deliberately smash her heart into millions of pieces with your face having a look of indifference instead of sorrow. i'm sorry you're like this. i'm sorry you're so lonely on the inside, you use your Facebook relationship status to attempt to redeem yourself, only to fail months later. i'm so sorry.