Rheist Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 My boyfriend and I of one year has asked me for a break. It's been a week and it's driving my crazy. A little back story. He is 33 never married and no kids. I am 31 divorced and have three kids. When we got together I questioned him on the marriage thing and he said he just doesn't believe in divorce and never found the person he could see himself with forever. Two months into our relationship he found out he had testicular cancer. They removed one testical, however he lost his job due to being out for the surgery. After losing his job I was supporting his household and mine and finally we decided that it would be best for him to move in with me. My ex husband and I share custody of our boys one week one and one week off so 50/50. Shortly after he moved in we found out we were pregnant. And at 19 weeks we lost our daughter. We stuck it out and worked on us. And things were great. He sent his grandma pictures of rings, started to talk about marrying me, telling his family that he has finally found the person he could see himself with. Out of the blue last week he said that he wanted a break. His grandma told me that he just feels so overwhelmed with the cancer stuff, things going on with his mom (he's very close with his mom but she's in an abusive relationship and has basically chosen to stay over having a relationship with her son) and that he hasn't had time to process everything that has happened in the year we have been together. She said he cries to her and tells her how much he loves me, how amazing I am and that he misses me. Now his grandma is very matter of fact, even though she loves me I don't think she would tell me all of this if it wasn't true. On top of that, when I think of things rationally I realize he hasn't had time to process everything we have been through, plus add three kids into the mix I know it gets overwhelming. We spoke for the first time today in a week. He called to check on me. He said he misses me and that he's sorry this has been so hard for me and he's sorry he's putting me through this but that he needed to be able to process all of this stuff going on in his life without allowing it to effect our relationship. I had given him two weeks to figure out if he wants to work on this relationship or not. I told him that I respected his decision on moving out and I too felt like it was just too soon especially with everything else going on in our lives. I told him that if we decided to get back together that I didn't think we should spend every night together because it wouldn't give him the time he needs to work on his personal things, but that I would be there if he wanted to talk. He cried with me on the phone and said that he truly believes I'm the one for him and that he is sorry he hasn't been able to give me 100% of himself and that he feels like he's only giving 5%. I explained to him that sometimes in relationships we can't give 100 and that that's ok, that's when the other person picks up the slack and that he has done it for me in the past as well. He said he loves me and that those feelings would never change he just needs to be able to process what is going on in his life to be able to have a relationship. It's been so hard for me not to text him and ask him how he's doing, to ask him how work was etc. I miss his hugs and the way he pulls me close to him when he says he loves me. I have my kids this week and of course they asked where he was. I told them that just like how they stay with mommy and daddy and they miss us when they are gone that Drew (bf) and I were going to live in different houses for a while to make sure we miss each other. They seemed to be ok with it, I answered a few questions , dried the tears of my 4 year old that "just wants drew back" but besides that they handled it a lot better than what I was expecting. He told me today he didn't think it was fair that I gave him such a short deadline to make his mind up. I told him that I didn't want or expect him to move back in because I do feel like he needs that time alone but that I wasn't going to wait forever. That we needed to at least start to text and talk again if he thinks we can work this out. He said he doesn't see why things wouldn't work out but he wants to make sure that he's certain he wants this relationship. So, men. Lol. What is really going on ? Does he want this ? He is afraid because he was looking at rings ? Is everything truly just overwhelming for him? Do you think he's going to want to work this out ? Link to comment
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