Unsure how to handle situation with boyfriend who lies

[daringlydating]

I have been dating my boyfriend for one year. He has a lot of wonderful qualities, but he lies a lot. (His latest lie was about how he wanted to drop out of college when he really got kicked out because of his grades.) Although he does lie, I never worried about him cheating until yesterday. Yesterday, I was picking which music to play from his phone (with his permission) while we were in the car. I saw on his calendar that he had an event to meet his ex-girlfriend that morning. He was late meeting me and made up some reason that I wasn't sure if I believed or not. When I saw the event, I didn't say anything or look into it further because we were having a nice day and I didn't want to ruin it. At first, I thought it must have been an old event from the past because he doesn't use his calendar that much anymore, but now, I'm not so sure and I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know if I should confront him or wait until next weekend when we hangout and look at his phone to see if it is just a recurrent event from the past. I know it is horrible to snoop and not talk to him about it first, but I'm afraid if I confront him first that he'll lie and delete the evidence, so I'll never know the truth. I don't even care if he does hangout with her; I just want to know, and I don't want to be lied to about it because I feel like if he isn't telling me about it then I have something to worry about. With all that being said, I would appreciate any advice on what to do.

Thank you for any help!

[Annia]

Lies should be a huge deal breaker, regardless if they relate to cheating or not. It is also worrying to me that you're so afraid to rock the boat by confronting him and standing up for your self. No healthy relationship can be build on top of lies and lack of trust.

 

I had a boyfriend who lied a lot on things that weren't specifically related to cheating like: meeting x but instead meeting y, pretending he was in college when he never attended it and even doing elaborated stuff like having his college schedule on the wall, making up stories about his classes and creating fake social media accounts pretending to be his college collegues, pretending he was taking driving classes but he wasn't and many other lies that I won't get into details. If your boyfriend lied to you about the college thing whatever more could he be hiding? Do you want to live your life stressed about if you should believe him or not? Why do you think it's wrong to confront him and stand up for yourself or even ending a dishonest relationship like this?

 

Relationships are about being with someone with whom we are comfortable being ourselves and telling the truth, regardless if we're ashamed of it or not. It looks as if you have to walk on egg shells in this relationship and he's not able to be fully honest with you. That's more worrying to me than meeting his ex or not.

[SherrySher]

Lying is never a good thing. I can't even think of a good enough reason for someone to lie, especially a partner. What's the point? Be honest, be who you are, no reason for games or untruths...ever.

I personally would find lying a deal breaker. Nothing good can come out of someone being dishonest on any level. He doesn't have to be lying about other women, lying in itself means deception and that is not healthy for a relationship.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately no trust or honesty means no relationship. Just hanging out, having fun, having sex. An ex in the picture and lying about hanging out Should concern you.

he lies a lot. he had an event to meet his ex-girlfriend that morning. He was late meeting me and made up some reason that I wasn't sure if I believed or not.

[SadSadgirl]

liars are horrible to date.. i would recommend breaking up, because he'll never stop

[david1967]

I have recently ended a long-term relationship as there was a lot of lying, deceit and ultimately complete loss of any trust. I could not think of any other option as I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to figure out, on a daily basis, what is actually real.

 

See thread called "Complulsive Liar" for more details if interested, but I had absolute proof and she still denied everything to my face. No going back, even though no cheating involved...