Rosie3 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hi, so last night I had sex with a guy that I've been friends with for awhile now, met him through my roommate. We were out for a mutual friends birthday and I was really drunk. So drunk I barely remember getting home from the bar and I don't even remember how it started. From what I've been told by my roommate I went straight to my room after we got out of the uber so she had no idea. I kinda remember towards the end and I felt sore but that's it. Anyway I'm unsure of what to do now. He's been texting me that he wants to hang out again soon and that he really likes me and wants to be my boyfriend. This just feel like way too much at once especially since I can't remember most of it. He's a nice guy but he lives three hours from me and I've been in a dating rut lately and I haven't wanted to really date anyone (and I've been feeling so uncomfortable about what happened between us). I've never had a one night stand before or really been that drunk where I have gaps in my memory. I know I should talk to him about it but I don't know what to say because telling him I was drunk feels like an excuse. And I don't want to hurt his feelings. I tried to talk to my roommate about it but she said I was leading him on by having sex. What should I say to him? And what should I say to my roommate so she doesn't think I am leading him on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I'd be more concerned to know if he used protection.. Did he follow you in to your apartment, or did you invite him in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Well, legally, if you were that drunk, he raped you. I know that's a scary thought. But I tell you that so you don't feel you're making excuses. If you don't want to pursue legal action, instead you should just tell him you honestly don't remember much and don't want to jump in too much. Ask if he can remind you about the night. And tell him you're willing to talk and see if something builds up, if you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nsolo Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 "What should I say to him? And what should I say to my roommate so she doesn't think I am leading him on? " I would do the right thing by saying to both of them straight up that you didn't mean to sleep with him, and you are seriously considering getting help after drinking so much. They'll sympathize with you a little bit by you saying that. Emphasize that you didn't expect the drinking to take you to a black-out level like that, and that it was a rude awakening that you need to watch how much you're drinking from now on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noire2015 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Explain how you feel about what happened imo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy5129 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 You're roommate told you that you lead him on instead of being concerned that her friend had non consensual sex with you? She's not very understanding. Wow. You need to make sure he used protection and possibly take Plan B to prevent unwanted pregnancy and could need an STD test as well. You need the details of what happened. Who cares what your ignorant roommate thinks? Take care of yourself. I do not blame you for not wanting to get involved with a guy like this. Take care of your health and re-evaluate if these people are truly your friends. I hope everything turns out ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Srrlgr Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Just because you can't recall exactly what happened does not make it rape. That is an irresponsible statement. Rape is if you are so drunk you cannot consent. The actions you displayed must make it obvious to a reasonable person that you are too intoxicated to consent. If it appeared you knew what you were doing but now can't remember because of alcohol, it doesn't equal rape. Although a bad idea having drunk sex that we don't recall the deatails of is not rape. Sorry to go on and on but this is a serious accusation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 If she was that intoxicated she can't consent therefore it is rape. If you are so drunk you can't remember then you're past the point of being able to consent . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Srrlgr Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 If she was that intoxicated she can't consent therefore it is rape. If you are so drunk you can't remember then you're past the point of being able to consent . Let's say both parties are so drunk they can't remember, under your analysis they would both be guilty of rape. Fortunately, your standard, is just that your standard. The does not recognize it. Remember it is possible for a female to commit the crime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Let's say both parties are so drunk they can't remember, under your analysis they would both be guilty of rape. Fortunately, your standard, is just that your standard. The does not recognize it. Remember it is possible for a female to commit the crime. Absolutely, it possible for a woman to commit a crime and men are raped too. But no my standard is not just my standard. Consent cannot be given if someone's intoxicated and if they can't remember they cannot consent . If you want me to look up the criminal code of my country I will but I don't have time right now but I will post it later. If men feel that they have been raped they should bring it to the attention of the law . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbbcoop77 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I'm sick of women going out to bars and getting hammered and then feeling horny and taking someone to the sack and then the next morning scream rape..where's the personal responsibility? This isn't rape at all, it's drunk sex. If he was drunk too didn't she rape him? I've had one night stands back in the day where we both raped each other lol..those were the days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hey boys. Legally it is rape. I don't care what your opinions are. OP doesn't sound like she feels like it's rape which is fine - she won't pursue it. But take this as a lesson. Don't take home drunk girls. Someone who is drunk cannot consent. The end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 My son was raised properly. He knows you do not touch a drunk woman. He believes in his own dignity and hers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coolstorybro Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hey boys. Legally it is rape. I don't care what your opinions are. OP doesn't sound like she feels like it's rape which is fine - she won't pursue it. But take this as a lesson. Don't take home drunk girls. Someone who is drunk cannot consent. The end.Ok so if they were both that drunk they can't remember then they're both rapists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Ok so if they were both that drunk they can't remember then they're both rapists. Yup probably. I'm not sure how that would work legally - but yes, it is impossible to consent while drunk. You can't get a tattoo drunk. You can't sign a contract drunk. You can't have sex drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie3 Posted April 23, 2017 Author Share Posted April 23, 2017 I'm not accusing him of rape. He's a nice guy and I don't believe he had bad intentions. Since he lives farther away he crashes on our couch whenever he visits. He was at our apartment after the bar because he was going to sleep on the couch as usual. According to my roommate I got out of the uber and went into my room without saying goodnight to anyone. She got him blankets for the couch and that was it. So I don't know how anything else happened. Yes I do need to get details from him but I'm nervous because from his texts it seems like he thinks this is going to turn into dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Yes, ask him what happened. Also if he's long distance and you are not ready to date, just n be honest with him about that. You are not "leading anyone on". Ignore this roommate. You had a drunken hookup. I had sex with a guy that I've been friends with for awhile now. I've never had a one night stand before or really been that drunk where I have gaps in my memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Yup probably. I'm not sure how that would work legally - but yes, it is impossible to consent while drunk. You can't get a tattoo drunk. You can't sign a contract drunk. You can't have sex drunk. There is no law against getting a tattoo drunk. It's a convention most tattoo artists abide by. If you sign a contract drunk, the contract is null and void, but it is not illegal. You're confusing contract law and criminal law. What constitute rape when alcohol is involved varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. It is not black and white, and it is the courts that have the final word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 There is no law against getting a tattoo drunk. It's a convention most tattoo artists abide by. If you sign a contract drunk, the contract is null and void, but it is not illegal. You're confusing contract law and criminal law. What constitute rape when alcohol is involved varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. It is not black and white, and it is the courts that have the final word. Not confusing, just saying there are rules regarding drinking and the capacity for decision making. Such as contracts, tattoos, and sex. And maybe it's not against the law to get a tattoo while drunk, but it's a common practice as you say. Regardless, my point doesn't change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.