Falling

[Asla]

Hi there,

 

 

I'm looking for people who experienced the same thing. I'm feeling really lost and it looks like it's getting worse with every day..

 

So I dated this guy for almost three years. Best years of my life, he was my best friend and we had a lot of things in common. We also did a lot of things together which I loved: Going to the movies, parties, nature, vacation, some random place..

We broke up one year ago, because we did have a lot of fights (we also lived together for two years).

He cheated on me in the end, which really broke my heart. After this I was feeling happy to have him out of my life, and I started to do other nice things.

 

Since 6 months or so everything is going downhill. I'm tired every day. I don't want to go out anymore. I don't see much people anymore and even if I try to do something, it just doesn't excite me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I TRY to meet new people and do nice things, but I'm just so tired and I totally changed. I've become very insecure about myself, not seeing why anyone would want to be with me anymore. I got people leaving me, because I'm not the spontaneous happy little girl anymore. I really want to be happy again, doing a lot of things and going out, but things changed so much and I can't put on a mask and try to be happy. Most of the times I end up feeling awkward, being silent, observing everyone and concluding from there that everyone is so much more fun then me.

 

It used to be so easily for me to make friends, having parties every week.. And now people just don't care anymore. I've become boring, while knowing this, and it's so frustrating.

 

And I miss him. I finally saw him again two months ago. Him, having parties every day of the week (really), meeting SO many people and enjoying his life.

 

He asked me to have a drink since there were some stuff I needed to pick up. Everything just felt so right, like before. We had so much fun and laughed a lot (nothing happened for the rest). He asked me to come over again soon, to have a beer together.

 

yesterday he asked me again. I told him I couldn't come. Being afraid to really fall in love again. Being afraid to be used. Being afraid something might happen and he would hurt me again.

Thinking about him seeing other girls (he's handsome, so most definitely). Falling in love with other girls. Forgetting me.

And the only thing I really want is for us to work out again. I always feel how he still cares about me. How he's still interested in me. I'm just so scared to be let down again.

 

In the beginning I was so full of life, and full with hope. Now I just feel numb everyday. Always having the feeling that I'm not good enough, that people don't like me, that I'm not pretty and on the other hand also not interested in any other guy.

I did date some, but it was obviously all about sex, and I turned them down when I found out.

 

Is there someone who had a similair experience and got out of this, starting to do a lot of things again and enjoying life again? I try but find it so hard.

I changed so much compared to last year.. Feeling so down and useless.. I hope to hear a story of people getting out of this again.

 

Thank you.

[Raggie]

Hello A. I am so sorry for you to have to go through all that. I really am.

It does sound like you could be depressed or at least suffering from emotional exhaustion.

 

I'd make a very basic plan to help you start to move forward. I really think a trip to the doctors is needed as a start.

 

I have to say that you need to keep your ex out of your life - he threw away that privilege when he cheated. You are worth so so much more than that, you really are.

 

When I read your post, you came across as a smart, empathetic and genuine person. The 'old' you that you describe is still there, she just took a hell of a beating.

(Definitely) Therapy and (perhaps) tablets to make the early days more manageable, and help you back on the road to 'you'.

 

Do you have friends or family who you can talk openly with?

 

Take care of yourself and talk on here when you need. We'll always listen.

 

You will get out of this - it may just need some help and time.

[JoeyD2000]

You're confidence has clearly gone at the moment.

 

It's easy for me to say this however trust me it will come back in time. Why because i've been there a few times. Definitely go no contact.

 

Reading this should help, it definitely helped me

 

 

 

It will take time & you might not think it's possible to be your happy self again, what ever your mind is telling you now is only temporary

[Asla]

Thank you so much for your answer. And yes, I think you're right and it might be best to contact a doctor. It's hard getting through this when you're just too sensitive.

I do have great friends and family I can speak with, but it's not really helping me that much.. Some friends even took advantage of me being miserable and while I was counting on them being there for me, they pretended to be much better.

It's hard to think positive when people around you can be so negative..

 

Really thank you for your message It's good seeing that there are still good people around.

[Asla]

You're confidence has clearly gone at the moment.

 

It's easy for me to say this however trust me it will come back in time. Why because i've been there a few times. Definitely go no contact.

 

Reading this should help, it definitely helped me

 

 

It will take time & you might not think it's possible to be your happy self again, what ever your mind is telling you now is only temporary

 

 

 

Thank you for this! I'll keep this to remind me not to search contact with him again. Only problem is that he lives five minutes away from my house, in the street where my grandfather lives and that I bump in to him literally once a week..

[Raggie]

Hello. No thanks needed. You just look after yourself.

 

Yes. Times like this tend to sort out the genuine friends as you're seeing. Give them a wide berth until you are starting to feel better. People like that must be insecure themselves, and not that happy.

[JoeyD2000]

Thank you for this! I'll keep this to remind me not to search contact with him again. Only problem is that he lives five minutes away from my house, in the street where my grandfather lives and that I bump in to him literally once a week..

 

 

The fact that you're feeling so horrible right now says to me you're a human with compassion. You're a good person too.

 

 

In time you will learn from this & become a wiser, stronger person

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Get a check up from a doctor and referral to a therapist if you have inertia and low energy. Never revolve your life around someone.

 

Do not hang out with an ex. Why hookup with him now?

 

It's been a yr and you could have been meeting, dating and together with compatible men who don't cheat by now.

We broke up one year ago, because we did have a lot of fights. He cheated on me. I finally saw him again two months ago. He asked me to have a drink since there were some stuff I needed to pick up. Everything just felt so right, like before. He asked me to come over again soon, to have a beer together.

[SooSad33]

Since 6 months or so everything is going downhill. I'm tired every day. I don't want to go out anymore. I don't see much people anymore and even if I try to do something, it just doesn't excite me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I TRY to meet new people and do nice things, but I'm just so tired and I totally changed.

- This is signs of depression. Maybe seek some prof help? Therapy-- and it it's that bad, see your dr about something for it.. or even anxiety? I take something at night for anxiety & to sleep.

 

He asked me to have a drink since there were some stuff I needed to pick up. Everything just felt so right, like before. We had so much fun and laughed a lot (nothing happened for the rest). He asked me to come over again soon, to have a beer together.

- You told him you couldn't go? Good for you! Shows your inner strength!

You NEED to now take care of yourself.. and to keep falling back & dwelling over HIM - Who is a CHEATER, will only keep you back from any improvement and getting better ( Over him.. healing etc.).

What you need is to stay away... and keep walking.. in order to do this. So No Contact from now on.

 

Always... remember this.. "He cheated on me in the end, which really broke my heart."

 

Therefore he is NO LONGER worth YOUR time or energy. He's damaged you and now you need to work on healing from this rough experience.

Do not give into him.. he is NOT worth your pains.

 

Win in yourself over this guy... and work on getting yourself back!. Move on into a brighter future again.. and to where you can smile again. You WILL see that this guy is not worth any more of your time in your Life.

 

it can be done.

[LondonMan33]

Lots of fantastic advice has been given above for you Asla. This bloke has kept you feeling the way you do for far too long. Go to the doctors , explain everything , ask for 20mg fluoxetine tablets. with in 3 weeks you will feel a whole lot better. and if you go full no contact , no looking at his face book or anything at all you will feel even better still.. use all the advice given and see the difference. you will be so glad you listened to everyone on here.