She Was Unfit To Be a Mother

[Careerchoice]

We met when she was 23. After 10 years together, she was still an immature, selfish little girl. I hoped she would eventually grow up, but she didn't.

 

I was in the fight for my life (cancer) last year and she wasn't always there for me. Instead of taking me to and from chemotherapy for a few days, she was more concerned with saving her vacation time for personal days for herself. Having her blurt that out was so devastating. While I was incapacitated after surgery, waiting for food and needing an injection, she was out with her friend shopping. This is not the kind of person that should be raising another human being.

 

I wanted to have kids with her until she proved herself unfit. I do not regret changing my mind. The only regret I have is sticking with her for so long. But I can't even be mad at her for her shortcomings because maturity is not a choice. This was the best she had to offer and I believe she gave me her best.

 

Trust me, I know the only thing left for me to do is move on. I am determined to do that and I am almost there.

[Matt3939]

Sorry you still have to be strong after what you went or are going thru. Head high sounds like you made a good choice. Best of luck

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry for what you went through.

[Hollyj]

Wow! They say that you truly see who people are when there are challenges in life. It's so true.

 

Wishing you the best with your health.

[Clio]

Sorry for your health ordeal. However, it sounds like this was a relationship that had stagnated for a long time. Based on your previous post, you never formed a team to begin with e.g. you lived in separate houses and you postponed having kids with her for a long time, which might have contributed to resentment/emotional detachment on her part. When it comes to your illness she didn't treat you right for sure, but saying that she was unfit to be a mother sounds somewhat conceited. It sounds like you two were not compatible to make it to parenthood. In fact, it sounds like you two were not compatible, period. In that aspect, you made the right choice in breaking up.

[melancholy123]

I think you are making the right choice. You cant make her be the person you want or need if it's not within her.

[Careerchoice]

Thank you for the empathetic statements. I am eight months in remission so we are optimistic about my chances.

Sorry for your health ordeal. However, it sounds like this was a relationship that had stagnated for a long time. Based on your previous post, you never formed a team to begin with e.g. you lived in separate houses and you postponed having kids with her for a long time, which might have contributed to resentment/emotional detachment on her part. When it comes to your illness she didn't treat you right for sure, but saying that she was unfit to be a mother sounds somewhat conceited. It sounds like you two were not compatible to make it to parenthood. In fact, it sounds like you two were not compatible, period. In that aspect, you made the right choice in breaking up.

No this is not correct. I didn't fully explain it in my previous post since it was not relevant, but she endorsed and supported our path up until I changed my mind. After graduating I was in severe debt. I got a good paying job and wanted to move out, but we decided to get rid of the debt first and save up to buy a house. She was more in favor of this plan than I was. I was very motivated to move out of my house with her. So after a year and a half I got out of debt, but with no savings, and was laid off. I then decided to open my own business. It takes a few years to build up a business and things were starting to go well and then the medical issues hit.

 

I understand the vitriolic statement regarding her fitness to be a parent. You can put yourself in her shoes I'm sure. How would you feel if someone told you that you weren't good enough to be a mother? I don't believe I am special in this world. I am a humble man, not conceited. I would make a terrific father. She would be deficient as a mother. She even agreed with me as we were breaking up. She had immaturity issues the entire time. They didn't get better or worse. She became detached and resentful only once I made a final decision against having kids with her. It was very sudden in retrospect.

 

I'm not taking the blame for the fact that she didn't grow up.

[Clio]

It's not about taking the blame. It's about identifying your part in this -whatever that was- so as not to repeat it in the future. Other than that, separation was the right decision.

[Careerchoice]

It's about identifying your part in this -whatever that was- so as not to repeat it in the future.

Call it "blame", "responsibility", or "part", but that's the point of my post. I didn't play a part in this. I gave her every opportunity to improve and succeed and she couldn't handle it. Looking back, the only thing I would have done differently is end it myself a long time ago. I was too patient with her.