Not interested or playing mind games?

[strawberry17]

So a couple of days ago I posted in the forum about one of my guy friends asking me to go over to his place after a night out when we were quite drunk.

 

Basically, we have always had some chemistry ever since we met (I am 22 and he is 23) but I wasn't sure whether he fancied me even though I knew he found me attractive. Even though he was quite drunk, he asked me if I wanted to go over to his place after a night out. I should note that even though we are friends I don't usually go over to his place (I have been there once to pick him up) and we are definitely not best friends in order for me to spend the night at his apartment. I declined, of course, as I didn't want to get into any uncomfortable situations.

 

After that, something changed noticeably in our interactions and in the way we look at each other, but he suddenly started mentioning other people and trying to gauge whether I was interested in any common male friends we have, asking what my type is etc. He also was telling me hypothetically about girls he could be with, which I thought might have been a stupid mind game so I ignored it, and this is where I might have gone wrong about it, I even encouraged him. His jokes about me getting with someone were getting quite annoying, as if he was wanting me to say I wasn't interested 1000 times. Yesterday we met up for a coffee as we usually do and he randomly mentioned he slept with someone. I have to admit, I was quite hurt as we got closer after that night and more flirty but I guess I did send him mixed signals by appearing not to be bothered by him mentioning other girls. Is he just playing mind games and trying to make me jealous or was I reading into things and he is actually not interested? I don't know why he would randomly mention sleeping with someone casually; it was information I didn't have to know.

[Person1001]

I would say not interested. I've learned the heard way, that if you have question someone's motives, more then likely they are not invested. Usually 2 people interested in each other don't mention other people of the opposite sex. It is very hurtful, but I would find a guy who is interested in you and isn't pushing you to date other guys.

[Wiseman2]

It all sounds like mind games as well as still fishing for a hookup in an awkward way. He was unsuccessful with you the other night so is trying to insinuate that he can get with girls.

asking what my type is etc. Yesterday we met up for a coffee as we usually do and he randomly mentioned he slept with someone. I don't know why he would randomly mention sleeping with someone casually; it was information I didn't have to know.

[DancingFool]

Inviting you over to his when wasted isn't really a prelude to romance, just a possible drunken hook up you'll both feel really awkward about in the morning.

The rest just sounds like what friends yak about - you know stuff like who they are into, who they find attractive, encouraging each other to go after what/who you want, etc. It would seem that you are hoping for more than friendship with him so you are trying to read something else into this.

 

Keep in mind that friends are people we love hanging out with but don't want a romantic relationship with.

[HeartGoesOn]

If he were interested in dating you he'll ask you directly, if he's looking for a hookup he'll mess with you, as he's now doing. I'd be careful not to allow myself to be demoted to FWB, unless that's what you're up for.

[Annia]

If he's interested in you but mentioning his sex escapades to you then he's a douche and not boyfriend material. If he's not interest then it's ok that he'd mention other girls. I think when one is interested they rarely mention other people, especially mentioning they had sex with them. If he's doing as a mind game, that's immature and douchy.

[happyfrank]

Talking to you like one of the guys. He is not into you.

[JaggerJim]

It might be time to fess up on how you feel. If he's not going to do it, you need to do it. If the feelings aren't mutual (which I reckon they are), then you can move on.

 

Be strong and un-afraid and just do it. Tell him how you feel, and ask if he feels the same. It's better than all this game playing.

[DancingFool]

It might be time to fess up on how you feel. If he's not going to do it, you need to do it. If the feelings aren't mutual (which I reckon they are), then you can move on.

 

Be strong and un-afraid and just do it. Tell him how you feel, and ask if he feels the same. It's better than all this game playing.

 

^The fat cat has spoken!

 

(sorry couldn't resist jj)

[SadSadgirl]

it doesn't sound like he takes you seriously.

[catfeeder]

You're working backwards, and as you can see, that's the direction it will take you.

 

Make this about you, not him. Decide first where YOU stand on what YOU want. Are you relationship material? If so, don't play messy guessing games with anyone--ever.

 

Be clear about how you see yourself. If you want a relationship, then talk about that. Next time you meet, tell him you've been thinking about what you want for yourself, and you view yourself as relationship material. You appreciate your friendship, but you've been starting to wonder whether he might consider pursuing a relationship with you. You hope he'll think about it and let you know.

 

Then let him think about it.

 

Either he will want to go there, or not--but isn't that something you'd rather know than try to read tea leaves to figure out?