Could use some Advice

[schalcorck]

Hello everyone, so I'm new to this forum and this is going to be a very long thread but I'm looking for some advice on how to proceed with this. Again this is going to be a very long story so I apologize for the mountains of text.

 

So I'm 33 years old, I am hispanic and have not have very many relationships, in fact I actually count 3 relationships that I've been in that lasted no more than 3 months and then a long distance relationship that I don't really account because it was for a girl whom I met in an online video game. That relationship lasted roughly 5 years and we did meet IRL but at the end of it all I was tired of doing the long distance thing. Needless to say I am not experienced in relationship matters. So I started working at en electronic retail store roughly 2 years after my long distance relationship ended and I met a girl there. At the time when I met her she was only 20 years old and I will admit I definitely lusted for her, she was/is quite the most beautiful woman I've ever met IRL. I started talking to her and flirting with her and then the more I got to know her I realized that there was much more to her than meets the eye. She's going to college and majoring in english literature and is quite possibly one of the smartest women I've ever met. She's constantly on the deans list and gets straight As on all her assignments and stuff. I continued to talk to her and then started flirting with her I would send her little cartoons and messages that I would write on receipt papers and give them to her, she thought it was super cute. Another thing when I met her i never asked how old she was so I was completely unaware *I know it was something dumb to ignore* but anyways I just loved her attention. After a while i grew the balls to ask for her phone number and then I started talking to her through text messages. All the time about random stuff, movies/music/politics/religion we talked about pretty much EVERYTHING. So then after a little while longer my balls grew even bigger and I asked her out on a date, I asked her if she wanted to go to a local coffee shop. It was a coffee shop I've never been to before and I actually ended getting lost because my GPS took a crap so i was like 5 minutes late but regardless she was there waiting for me. We get inside and get to talking, she was dressed very nicely, tight pair of jeans, a tank top that had her boobs tied up in this weird string but you could definitely see cleavage and then also her make up done to a tea. She looked VERY gorgeous, but anyways we gets to talking again about random things and then we get to the question about how old we were. At this point she told me that she was only 20 and was glad we didn't go to a bar because she was not "aloud" in and i'm kinda taken back on how young she is. I have her guess my age and when i tell her it, i noticed to older couples that were sitting behind her turn around and give me the dirtiest look I've ever had in my life. I was very embarrassed at this point, but nevertheless we keep talking. I start getting nervous and she would talk about stuff and I would half pay attention BECAUSE I'm so nervous. She started getting angry when I would ask her to repeat what she said and even threatened to leave, the date was taking a turn for the bad. Then she pops me with another surprise, it turns out she has a boyfriend, the guy works at the retail store we both work at. At this point I consider this the second most embarrassing moment of my life *don't ask what the first is* she tells me about how she thought we were just "hanging out" and that she didn't consider this a date at all "even though i'm thinking to myself, then why are you dolled up to the T?!" and like all those times i talked with her and clearly flirted with her she never bothered to tell me she was taken. I flat out tell her like wow i had no idea you had a boyfriend to be honest i'm really embarrassed right now and i feel like I owe your boyfriend an apology, I don't do this, I don't move in on someone's girl because in my past relationships people have done this to me and I never liked the feeling. She's like "oh i thought everyone in the store knew we were together" and I say "well i don't really mingle in the work drama, i just kinda keep my head down and focus on my work so there was really no way I would of known that" Things took a turn for the worst at this point, she tried to continue conversation but I honestly wanted to end it. I said something like "Ah well you must be really bored of me by now *we have been at this coffee shop for almost 2 1/2 hours* so we should probably call it quits" then she would say "no you're fine we can keep going". We did for another 15 minutes and then I would say "well you should probably go back to your studying now I'm sure you have lots of assignemnts to finish" and then she'd say "nah i have plenty of time to finish them" and then talk for another 20 minutes. Then I just flat out said "Listen I am really embarrassed and this is super awkward and uncomfortable and I just want to go home now" and she said "ok that's fine lets call it quits". I drove home that night sorely defeated and when I got home i literally just sat on my bed for a good 45 minutes thinking about what just transpired. After those 45 minutes I actually got a text from her where she said that she was sorry about what just happened, I told her not to worry it was all my fault, honestly I did feel a little better and just went to bed. The very next day at work it was super weird, I didn't really want to make eye contact with her but she seemed to be pushing her attention to me. I told myself she has a boyfriend there's no need for me to bark up that tree anymore but I shouldn't make things at work feel weird. So i continued to have friendly conversations with her at work but put an end to the texting. 4 months passed and then for one reason I decided to send her a text about something i saw in the news that reminded me of her. She responded and then all of a sudden the text messages from her would not stop, she kept talking to me and talking and talking and I just responded never really initiated anything. Then one day at work i came up to her and asked her how she was, she said not good i asked why and then she told me because her, and her boyfriend just broke up. Not going to lie I felt happy at this point because I genuinely was very much attracted to this girl, both physically and mentally. I waited for about 3 days after she told me that before i asked her out to the movies and told her that we would go strictly as friends. We went and saw some animated movie and the funny thing was that we were the ONLY 2 people in this movie theater and after the movie was over we literally just sat in the movie theaters for 2 hours and talked, about LOTS of stuff it always feels like we always have something to talk about when we're together. But anyways we ended it pretty late she went home and so did I. We started talking more and more over text and then I decided I wanted to take her to a musical. I took her to see a musical at a local opera house here in my town, she absolutely loved in and man she looked AMAZING all dressed up. I drove her home and took her to her apartment, we parked in her parking lot and I was waiting for her to invite me up or something but she was just like "ok bye".... I then kinda stood there for a couple of seconds with a dumb look, she was walking away from my car when I got out of my car and I started walking up to her and said "I really want to kiss you" I went in for the kiss and she kissed me back, it was truly magical we stood there just making out in her parking lot. While we were making out I asked her " you sure you don't want me to come up?" she said not tonight but we continued to make out and then all of a sudden she said "Ok maybe for a little while". I went up to her apartment and she showed me around, we sat on her futon and started making out again, things started getting really heavy when then I decided to make a move to take her clothes off. At this point she literally FREAKED OUT on me, she told me about how she thinks this is a bad idea, i tried to say I was sorry and then she said that I needed to leave and that we shouldn't be doing this. So I went back to my car and again literally sat in my car at her parking lot for like 45 minutes. I was pondering....pondering... for 45 minutes on weather i should go back in and see what the hell happened or I should just leave. Another important detail about this is that my phone was completely dead. At the end of it all I decided to just go home, when I got home I plugged my phone in and turned it on and there was a message from her. The message said that she was really sorry and that the truth is that she liked me, she liked me ALOT but she literally got out of a long term relationship less than a week ago and she wasen't ready. I texted her back and told her that I really liked her too and that when she was ready I would be right there waiting. We continued to talk, continued to text and continued to hang out, outside of work I figured I'd just show her the best possible me that I could. It worked one day she told me to come over and we made love. So then we started hanging out even more and it was awesome, we then started doing a lot of things together, go out to dinner went to amusement parks several times, went on walks, went on picnics it was like I finally have my very first real girlfriend after 2 decades of constant failure. Then at one point I asked her to be my girlfriend and she gladly accepted and that made me even happier, things were going great. One day her best friend who lives several states away told her that her cousin died, she asked me if we could drive down for the funeral and I love this woman so much that I didn't even hesitate I told her, lemme put in some personal time at work and we will drive down. We turned it into an adventure, drove for 10 hours down there was down there for 3 days then drove 10 hours back * I did 100% of the driving btw but was very happy to because again I love this woman THAT much* She would get stressed out about school and call me at like 1am in the morning, i could come and comfort her and spend the night tell her that everything's going to be alright, she would cook for me we would have great times together. Everytime I hang out with her no matter what we did I found it enjoyable because I was doing it with her. I even took hours and helped her with her spanish homework. I met her parents who according to her were less than enthused because of the 12 year age difference we have but from what I saw i thought they liked me. I also met her grandparents who again from what she tells me they're kind of racist people but again they seemed to like me as well, so not sure if they're just putting up a front or if what she tells me about them is not all that accurate. Hell I even bought us a trip for overseas this coming summer and that's a non-refundable trip because I LOVE THIS WOMAN THAT MUCH. I even broke out the I love you, she told me that it made her very happy to hear me say that and that she loves me too.

I have bought her very expensive gifts for christmas and for valentines day I planned a very elaborate and expensive date for us. I don't mind spending money on her for one: i am pretty well off as far as finances and 2: I......Love....This.....Woman....That.....Much Everything seemed to be going good when then I noticed that she started to hang out more with a certain male friend. So this male friend she was friends with before we met, he's a guy that's around her age and happens to be caucasian *only reason why i'm saying that is because we are a biracial couple and according to her, that's also something that her parents and grandparents disapprove of*. He's pretty much in the same field that I'm in which is IT and she also told me, that IT people are her type. She re-assured me that this guy is just a friend and that really the only reason she hangs out with this guy is because of his dog. She happens to be in love with this guy's dog. Anyways just the other night he came to her place to hang out she told me he was going to be there and I said I was fine with it and I plannned to come over that weekend to hang out with her/them too. The problem though is that when i walked in her apartment they were both inside her room, with the lights off, watching Netflix on her bed getting inebriated. Granted they both were fully clothe and when I walked in the door she came out her bedroom and he came afterwards so i'm not sure what exactly was going on in her room. I acted like i wasen't phased and the 3 of us hung out, talked and stuff another thing about this kid is that I know him as well, in fact I knew him before she knew him, I worked with him at the same retail store and he's a nice guy doesn't seem like the type to steal someone's girl. But anyways he ended up leaving that night and her and I went to bed, in the middle of the night my mind started to wonder, like "what the hell were they doing in here" I had trouble sleeping and then in the morning i just sat in bed, she asked me if i was ok and i told her "No i'm not" then i went to take a shower to get ready to go somewhere. After i took the shower i got dressed kind avoiding eye contact with her. Then after i was fully dressed i sat next to her and i told her "Ok I'm going to ask you a question and I need you to look me in the eye and tell me the truth, is there something going on between you and that guy?" she said "No, you know I love you and I would never hurt you, you are the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with" then I asked "Do you have feelings for him?" she said "No and chances of me getting together with him would NEVER happen" so then I asked "Does he have feelings for you" and she said "yes he does, but we haven't talked about it in a long time" she assured me that nothing is going on over and over again. I told her the following "Ok I want you to know that you are your own woman, I do not own you in any way shape or form, I'm not going to tell you who you can and cannot hang out with I don't want to be that type of controlling boyfriend, but last night i came home to see that my girlfriend was in her room with another guy with the lights off watching Netflix and getting inebriated and that just makes me feel SUPER uncomfortable. Can you understand where I'm coming from? like what if one day you walked in my apartment and you saw me coming out my room with a girl and we were both inebriated and the lights were off and we were on my bed, would scenarios not run across your mind on what might of transpired? You 2 are always snapchatting each other and after i learned what snap chat is i ask myself what could you two possibly be talking about that needs to be deleted within 10 seconds or less?" she said "No the whole thing with snapchat is that he wanted to show me pictures of his dog, that's primarily what he sends me, just pictures of his dog nothing else, I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you, please trust me on this" I said "You're right I should trust you, one of the important factors in a relationship is trust" So we calmed down after that and that's where I am now...... This woman who I love so much and is so much younger than me, does she truly love me back? or am I being played? am I wrong to feel paranoid? should I just give her the benefit of the doubt and go with what she's saying?........ Its literally driving me crazy and I'm having a lot of nights where I can't sleep because i'm just constantly thinking about it.

 

So I decided to come here and get the opinion from a bunch of randos. If you managed to read this entire thing I thank and congratulate you it actually took some effort and I'm open to any and all advice anyone here is willing to give me

 

Thanks

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately this signals the friendzone.

she has a boyfriend, she tells me about how she thought we were just "hanging out" and that she didn't consider this a date at all

[schalcorck]

Don't think you finished reading my friend, she is currently my girlfriend I was just saying that line to kind of give a hint on her loyalty when she's with someone so you could incorporate that into the advice