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My boyfriend told me I am bad in bed


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I have been active for about 3 1/2 years now. I have tried everything to get better in bed to please my boyfriend. I have went on web sites, bought magizine that give advice on sex, and went as far as going into a porn shop with my boyfriend and watching the pornos with him to try to get better. It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.

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Hmm. Get a new boyfriend. Maybe it's him. lol. I know it's not that easy, but seriously, maybe it's him. If you are trying THAT hard, there is no way you are THAT bad. Maybe he is telling you that so that you won't leave him because you are ashamed.

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i would seriously think about dumping him. Insensitive jerks rarely make good boyfriends or bed partners. Find someone who will work at making sex good for both of you - as partners.

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okay, first off, one guy does not equal "men"--what works for some guys doesn't work for others, and vice versa. Telling you that you are bad in bed is completely unconstructive. I think kskm is right, it's most likely not anything you are doing wrong, but more his problem, or perhaps, a simple incompatibility between the two of you. Sex is only partly about technique, it is also about chemistry, compatibility, and communication!!

If he is telling you that you are "bad in bed" he doesn't seem to be very mature, and a good sexual relationship also involves maturity. It may not be what you want to hear, but I think this may not be the right guy for you.

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I agree with DN. Any relationship involves 2 people. Your boyfriend is wrong in saying that this is your fault. It is likely that you are both missing that chemistry that it takes to make good lovers. This does not mean that you are bad in bed! With someone else you could turn out to be the best lover they have ever had.

 

Your bf is showing a deep insensitivity by saying these things to you. You deserve better. Dump him!

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talk to him, ask him why he feels that way, tell him it made you feel the way it did, and tell him to be honest however when he says something like that to at least have backup and be able to tell you why he thinks whatever it is he says to you. Maybe he's bad, maybe your bad, maybe you're both good and just have diff likes and dislikes in bed. good luck, really!

best wishes,

Qtpie87

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Yeah why dump him so fast? Just because he doesn't like the sex? I mean if the relationship is just based on sex then I could understand. Otherwise, why not sit down and have a serious talk with him about it? I'm not sure what else you could try but I don't think you should dump him for that reason alone.

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It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.

 

All those people questioning why she should dump him....

 

Can't you see how damaging he has been to her self esteem? The problem here is much bigger than just who is bad in bed! If you care about someone and are considerate of their feelings, you do not come out and tell them that they are "bad in bed". There are more sensitive ways to deal with a problem like this. Read Cheryl1984's words above and try to understand how damaging this man has been to her self esteem, yet you think that she should stick with him, or even worse, that this might be her problem to fix?!?

 

Come on!

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She never explicitly stated anything about ever talking to him about this. Aren't relationships about communication? Yes, it is clear the guy is being inconsiderate of her feelings, but I don't think she should just dump him that fast. I think it's at least worth trying to talk over it first. That's just my opinion though.

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It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.

 

All those people questioning why she should dump him....

 

Can't you see how damaging he has been to her self esteem? The problem here is much bigger than just who is bad in bed! If you care about someone and are considerate of their feelings, you do not come out and tell them that they are "bad in bed". There are more sensitive ways to deal with a problem like this. Read Cheryl1984's words above and try to understand how damaging this man has been to her self esteem, yet you think that she should stick with him, or even worse, that this might be her problem to fix?!?

 

Exactly my point. Well said.

 

Come on!

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Me and him have been through alot. We have been together for almost 4 years. He has been the only partner I have had. I really love him, and i no out relationship is not based on sex, but a good bit of it is. I want to talk to him about how I felt when he said that to me, but I dont no how to bring it up. Since he said it, I have been trying to avoid having any sexual contact. I dont want to lose him, but at the same time I dont want to get hurt or hurt him. Besides what he said, our relationship has been farely good.

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In the words of Dan Savage, my favorite sex advice columnist, DTMFA!!! (In case you don't know, that means Dump The MF Already!!!) You sounds like a great gf! You are what Dan Savage calls GGG (Good, giving, and game). You're trying, and I think that a lot of people would be thrilled to have a partner that is putting in all this effort.

 

I agree with the others. I think he is doing this to push your buttons and to make you feel bad about yourself. That's not a good bf quality. A good partner would compliment you on what you do well, and show you how to please them (ie, a little to the left!)

 

Yes, DTMFA.

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  • 1 month later...

If he was really in love with you then this wouldn't be a problem. He would be enjoying it because he is with you. I think that either there is some issue he has or else the relationship isn't working out. You shouldn't have to put up with him criticizing you about this. Any decent guy wouldn't. I say, talk to him about how you feel. Tell them it hurts you. Try to see if there is any deeper problem that you two aren't facing and if this is just a result of that. But if this continues, maybe you should break it off. This isn't about sex, it's about your feelings and having both partners expressing there love for one another. Love and sex isn't a one sided thing, it does take two.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I have been active for about 3 1/2 years now. I have tried everything to get better in bed to please my boyfriend. I have went on web sites, bought magizine that give advice on sex, and went as far as going into a porn shop with my boyfriend and watching the pornos with him to try to get better. It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.

 

that is his opinion not yours so do not let that get you down he probably does not know that much about the true sexual experience. he might think you are bad in bed , but who is to say he is not worse to someone else.

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I have been active for about 3 1/2 years now. I have tried everything to get better in bed to please my boyfriend. I have went on web sites, bought magizine that give advice on sex, and went as far as going into a porn shop with my boyfriend and watching the pornos with him to try to get better. It seems like everything I do is just wrong. Can anyone help me? I dont want to live the rest of my life thinking about how men think I am bad in bed.

 

that is his opinion not yours so do not let that get you down he probably does not know that much about the true sexual experience. he might think you are bad in bed , but who is to say he is not worse to someone else.

 

I agree - it may be that he knows he is not that good and is putting it all on you.

 

It takes two to tango!!

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I don't think she should just dump him. Relationships will never work forever if we break up that easily. However he sounds like a major jerk. I have no sympathy for this guy. i don't think anybody should ever denigrate somebodies sexual technique. I find it infuriating, actually. You need to call him out on this and tell him to watch his mouth.

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Your boyfriend is a jerk for even saying that to you. If he was unsatisfied he could have suggested new techniques/ positions, but anything rather than blurt out,'' baby, you're bad in bed!''

I remember when I started getting lazy in bed, my boyfriend would ask me questions like,'' why I dont participate more, how am I feeling about the sex etc, which he was propbably thinking,'' she a lazy lover, but he never said it like that. He wanted to know what the problem was first.

Time has passed now but if your boyfriend even remotely cared about your feelings then he wouldn't have gone about the situation that way.

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  • 15 years later...

There might be an avenue to this since you haven’t had a great positive feedback is that either one of you might be submissive and the other needs to be more dominant.

I don’t know if it’s just my height or that most women enjoy being submissive to a man.

Some (women or men) prefer to be a submissive plaything but that’s definitely not the case for every woman but you have to find out what maybe there’s a kink there that you could play with or you have to be open to.

maybe he watched unrealistic porn or you need a teacher to learn how tour body works?

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23 minutes ago, MikeMike said:

There might be an avenue to this since you haven’t had a great positive feedback is that either one of you might be submissive and the other needs to be more dominant.

I don’t know if it’s just my height or that most women enjoy being submissive to a man.

Some (women or men) prefer to be a submissive plaything but that’s definitely not the case for every woman but you have to find out what maybe there’s a kink there that you could play with or you have to be open to.

maybe he watched unrealistic porn or you need a teacher to learn how tour body works?

Um, this thread is FIFTEEN years old.  Highly unlikely the OP is still checking for responses.

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