Need help about LDR

[Random Person]

Hello,

 

I need your help about my LDR. I met a girl a few months ago and we talk as much as we have time. She's in north west of Europe and I'm in south east so we haven't met yet. But she's planning to come next week. We both have feelings towards each other but I think she's feeling love so seriously. She's a beautiful girl, (just in case if you say "you haven't seen her", I know almost all of her friends and family and everything she has on her social media accounts supports them) and I do believe she can find a man easily but she just wants me like we're in love for 10 years. I tried to stop before because sometimes she's making me feel unhappy, I just want to stay away but she cries when I mention it. 4-5 days ago, I told her I'm not feeling that cheerful(I don't want to say she's making me unhappy, I don't want to hurt her) and she cried again. Honestly, I'm not happy. But leaving her making me feel bad as well. I don't know what to do. Should I tell her I don't want it?

 

Please, just skip advice like "find a girl nearby" I just need help about this.

 

Thank you for understanding.

[nutbrownhare]

In a way, this isn't really about a LDR - the distance is just a factor in an unbalanced relationship.

 

The real problem is that she seems to have built up a fantasy about the way you are, based on your necessarily limited contact. If you know that you can't return those feelings - and it's not appropriate that you should! - then you need to bite the bullet, cope with the feelings of being a ***, and end the 'relationship'. Sure, you'll feel bad about it, but as it is you're unwittingly leading her on and will hurt her more, the longer you continue... and you'll end up feeling even worse. So will she.

 

This would be the same, no matter how near or far she lived.

 

If it's possible to prevent her making that trip, do so as soon as you can.

 

P.S. I know it sucks, ending a relationship with someone who seems to be madly in love with you. However, you know in your heart of hearts when something feels right, and when it doesn't - and your unhappiness is telling you everything you need to know.

[Random Person]

Thank so much friend. If I have to be honest, I feel like an as***le. A total as***le. Do you have any suggestion how should I handle when I tell her I don't want it? I'm afraid to hurt her while trying to make herself feel better. I'm afraid if she thinks I don't feel anything I'm just getting rid of her. Wish things were going well as we thought but now, I'm really not feeling that we can be happy together. I'm trying to do good both for her and myself. I know my intentions, yet I still think I'm a terrible person.

[nutbrownhare]

Explain to her that you're really sorry to say this, but you don't think you'll be a good match and you don't feel it would be fair to her to continue the relationship. No need to justify it; there's also no way to do it without her getting hurt. Unfortunately.

 

However, if it's any consolation, people who fall in love apparently very deeply without really knowing the other person, are often able to detach just as quickly as they fell in love, albeit with many tears - and find someone else shortly afterwards... who they then fall deeply in love with...

[reinventmyself]

I personally would be more hurt if someone who didn't want to be with me, did so out of pity and guilt.

It's an important lesson in life that peoples emotions and they in which they handle challenges is solely up them.

You can't change it or prevent it.

 

Be brave. . do the right thing. The longer you prolong this the more difficult it will be.

What other choice do you have anyway?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you are being manipulated if "I tried to stop before because sometimes she's making me feel unhappy, I just want to stay away but she cries when I mention it".

[Random Person]

I personally would be more hurt if someone who didn't want to be with me, did so out of pity and guilt.

It's an important lesson in life that peoples emotions and they in which they handle challenges is solely up them.

You can't change it or prevent it.

 

Be brave. . do the right thing. The longer you prolong this the more difficult it will be.

What other choice do you have anyway?

 

Thank you friend. I know what you mean. It's hard, it's so hard.. But I know that the only thing I can do is facing the thing I'm afraid of. Thank you for support.

 

It sounds like you are being manipulated if "I tried to stop before because sometimes she's making me feel unhappy, I just want to stay away but she cries when I mention it".

I also think that as well. But I really don't know if she manipulates or not..

[Annia]

I think you should tell her the truth the kindest you can. That you're not feeling the same or that you think you both wouldn't be a match and that you wish her the best and how she will certainly find someone that will make her happy.

 

This is better than stringing her along. She'll cry and be sad, but soon she'll recover and you'll be freeing her to find someone who feels the same for her, so you're doing it for her own good. Besides if you were in a relationship with her out of pity and not to make her sad you wouldn't be able to give her what she needs emotionally to be happy in a relationship because you wouldn't be 100% in it. There's nothing worse than unbalanced relationships.