Very strange situation.. !!

[Pisces]

Will leave some details out, and just get rt. to the situation.

Met a guy at work, who's been flirting with me for past 5 months. We are in different geographies. We met in person, for the 1st time last yr. And became friend, and I that's when the flirting started from his side.

I ignored much of it,as I had heard he has a gf. But the flirting kept on, and we met again past montn in person, when the sparks started flying. I just assumed that he's probably done with his gf. Never talked abt it, until, he made a move towards me.

Thats whn he said he's confused regarding her. We went back to our lives, our places..

 

My problem is that , I have been in several relations, and never felt this connection before. He said the same to me , that he's just drawn towards me.

But given the fact that he has gf, I just decided to pull back. I see him doing that too. But he does stalk me on my social media.

I guess, it's too early to conclude anything, but I will be open , only if he says he' s decided to break up with his gf.

 

My question to men here: how long do men take to make such decisions? Why is he ok with us not texting each other? Is it cause he needs time n space, or has he decided to forget me? My gut tells me to just give him space, but my hearts killing me with worries. I also understand that any man with respect,would try to sort things out 1st, and only then start talking about "us".

He was shocked abt himself too. And said that this is 1st time, he's done this while in a relationship. I believe him.

[Keyman]

Men take the same amount of time to make these decisions as women do. I would walk away from this one. He is borderline emotionally cheating on his girlfriend with you and while he says this is the first time it has happened, how do you know? Break contact with him until he has sorted out his stuff at his end.

[MissCanuck]

He's okay with you two not texting each other because he has a girlfriend. Confused or not, she is where his primary attention and communication will be. In other words, you're not his priority. Also, if she has sensed he's been communicating with someone else, he's probably cutting back to ease her suspicions. Think about what that means for you, though: he's not that bothered about keeping things going and doesn't mind too much if you fade out.

 

As for how long it takes for a man to figure out what he wants - that's impossible to say. I have seen some take months, others years, and some never really do. They stay with their partners while engaging in some side action but with no real intention of actually exiting their primary relationships. The point is that you should never wait around for a guy who's not already single. It's usually not worth it. I have seen this happen a few times before with a small handful of friends, and the vast majority of the time, the guy returns to the girlfriend (or tries to) after realizing what he gave up. Or the new relationship is so riddled with mistrust that it crumbles apart anyway.

 

I know you want to believe he's never done this before, you also have no way of verifying if that's true. Most people who have been shady before don't come out and tell their new interest that. That's not to say with certainty that he's lying about it, but really, what difference does it make? It doesn't change the fact that he's not single.

 

My advice would be to stop all contact with him unless and until he is single. Otherwise, you will probably get hurt after you get attached and then realize he's not leaving his girlfriend.

[Wiseman2]

He's looking for fun on the side with the usual "my gf doesn't understand me" and "we have a great connection" lines.

 

It would be best to only be professional with him and get on dating apps to date local single men you don't work with.

I had heard he has a gf. he said he's confused regarding her. He said the same to me , that he's just drawn towards me.

[Pisces]

Men take the same amount of time to make these decisions as women do. I would walk away from this one. He is borderline emotionally cheating on his girlfriend with you and while he says this is the first time it has happened, how do you know? Break contact with him until he has sorted out his stuff at his end.

 

Thanks for your input. Yes, I decided the same, and so far I have not gotten in touch with him.

He had texted me on 1 occassion, since past 8 days. I don't understand as to why he immedietely checks my pics.

He is not in a live in relationship, so he can easily "flirt" with me on weekdays, but he doesn't. Which makes me respect him and I feel , that he does want to do it the right way.

[Pisces]

His gf won't be suspicious as they do not live together, and meet only over weekends.

Either, he is in the midst of deciding, or he already has.

But then, why does he still check out all my pics, almost as soon as I post. Also, 1st thing in morning, and last thing in the night.

I find that very confusing

Of course, I need to hear from him, but why woukd guy look at someone before sleepong, n as soon as they wake up?!

[Pisces]

He's looking for fun on the side with the usual "my gf doesn't understand me" and "we have a great connection" lines.

 

It would be best to only be professional with him and get on dating apps to date local single men you don't work with.

 

I ve changed my job, so we dont work together any more.

[Rezie]

I've personally noticed that guys more often than women leave their previous partner once they have secured a next relationship in these types of situations. Women more often take the non innocent flirting as a sign that something is not right and break up before pursuing more. Obviously always and I don't have any data to support this.

 

Hard to say what he thinks. He clearly likes you. He is either trying to fix things with his gf and not being in direct contact and that's why looking at your pics and not texting. Or he is waiting for you to make the move so if he gets caught then he can say you pursued him. There are a lot if possibilities.

 

I would say to not be in contact and move on. If he breaks up with his girlfriend then you guys could give it a try. If in the meantime he contacts you then you could tell the truth that you think you have a connection but it doesn't feel appropriate due to his gf. Then he can decide what to do with the information.

[Wiseman2]

Suspicious of what?

His gf won't be suspicious

[Pisces]

Suspicious of what?

 

I was replying to what misscanuck said " he's probably cutting back to ease her suspicions. "

[Pisces]

I've personally noticed that guys more often than women leave their previous partner once they have secured a next relationship in these types of situations. Women more often take the non innocent flirting as a sign that something is not right and break up before pursuing more. Obviously always and I don't have any data to support this.

 

Hard to say what he thinks. He clearly likes you. He is either trying to fix things with his gf and not being in direct contact and that's why looking at your pics and not texting. Or he is waiting for you to make the move so if he gets caught then he can say you pursued him. There are a lot if possibilities.

 

I would say to not be in contact and move on. If he breaks up with his girlfriend then you guys could give it a try. If in the meantime he contacts you then you could tell the truth that you think you have a connection but it doesn't feel appropriate due to his gf. Then he can decide what to do with the information.

 

 

Thanks for your reasoning. I feel very similar about this situation. So ,yes, I will be making it clear that I don't feel comfortable until he sorts it out. I would never pursue a guy. It might be ok for some, but I feel uncomfortable about that.

 

P.S : good to know that you think he likes me, as some of his actions show that, but hard to say when it directly involves you! I feel I can't think straight!!!

[lostlove76]

Thanks for your input. Yes, I decided the same, and so far I have not gotten in touch with him.

He had texted me on 1 occassion, since past 8 days. I don't understand as to why he immedietely checks my pics.

He is not in a live in relationship, so he can easily "flirt" with me on weekdays, but he doesn't. Which makes me respect him and I feel , that he does want to do it the right way.

 

No need to respect him. He was communicating with, and is still social media stalking, another girl while he has a girlfriend. Guys with gf's aren't supposed to talk with other girls about "feeling a connection." He's a sleaze, not someone to be respected.

 

ETA: If you were his girlfriend, it's almost a guarantee he'd be doing the same thing to you that he's doing to her.

[Pisces]

No need to respect him. He was communicating with, and is still social media stalking, another girl while he has a girlfriend. Guys with gf's aren't supposed to talk with other girls about "feeling a connection." He's a sleaze, not someone to be respected.

 

ETA: If you were his girlfriend, it's almost a guarantee he'd be doing the same thing to you that he's doing to her.

 

I appreciate your thoughts, but I think you out of all who responded, have not really understood it.

Pls don't tag ppl with names like cheat, and sleaze.

This is Life, and a person can start having feelings for someone else. There is no 2 timing from his side. Plus I do not have time to write every other thing we spoke, which makes me respect him. It's very normal to tell each other how you feel , and take a decision, 1 way or the other. It's not that anyone is tagging along, or there are 3 involved.

[lostlove76]

I appreciate your thoughts, but I think you out of all who responded, have not really understood it.

Pls don't tag ppl with names like cheat, and sleaze.

This is Life, and a person can start having feelings for someone else. There is no 2 timing from his side. Plus I do not have time to write every other thing we spoke, which makes me respect him. It's very normal to tell each other how you feel , and take a decision, 1 way or the other. It's not that anyone is tagging along, or there are 3 involved.

 

I don't completely understand what you're saying here, but I'm not here to argue. I gave my opinion and I stick by it. I'm sure if you were his girlfriend (the one who he's been emotionally cheating on), you would be more inclined to agree. And if you were her, you probably wouldn't appreciate another girl waiting in the wings for him to dump you for her. People in relationships are off limits - that's how it's supposed to work, anyways.

[katrina1980]

His gf won't be suspicious as they do not live together, and meet only over weekends.

Either, he is in the midst of deciding, or he already has.

But then, why does he still check out all my pics, almost as soon as I post. Also, 1st thing in morning, and last thing in the night.

I find that very confusing

Of course, I need to hear from him, but why woukd guy look at someone before sleepong, n as soon as they wake up?!

 

I find it incredibly creepy that he has a girlfriend but yet is stalking your social media almost to the point of obsession, don't you?? It would be creepy even if he didn't have a girlfriend!

 

I experienced that recently and it was VERY creepy and frankly scary. The stalking escalated into harassing emails until I had to take some drastic measures to divert the situation which I will refrain from going into now, but is was BAD. Unfortunately Gmail does not have a blocking function, otherwise I would have just blocked this person..

 

Since you like him maybe you are flattered he reads everything you post, immediately after you post, but this man is in a relationship, and if he was in fact so enthralled by you, he would be ending his relationship to be with you.

 

The fact he is not, but still stalks your social media like a crazy man day and night tells me he is unstable and whacked in the head and I think you should get rid. Creepy!!'