Can't Tell, Am I Over Analyzing? Paranoid?

[surfdog]

I’m wondering if anyone else’s SO is attached to their phone all the time. My wife almost always has it near her (90% of the time). She takes it to bed, to the bathroom, on the couch, etc etc. There are sometimes a call will come in and she look but not answer. I feel awkward when this happens (sometime I’ll ask who it is, she’ll tell me it’s her mother and she doesn’t feel like talking to her or a number she does not recognize). Other times a text will come through (buzz sound) and she’ll text back but not say a word about it (not that she has to tell me who she is texting or about what but again it makes me feel awkward).

 

Her phone is always face down (90% again)…almost never screen up. She uses it for an alarm clock so I can see why she has it when she goes to bed. I hear it buzz (text??) early in the morning sometimes about the time we both get up (5am) and its not the alarm clock buzz more like a text message text. Last week her morning alarm went off and she rolled over to shut it off. I happened to look up as she shut it off and I noticed a text message on her screen. I could not read because it was a little far away it but I thought I saw something like……”when is a good time?” or something like that.

 

 

She seems to text a lot when she gets home from work. OK, I can see that since she has not had a chance to text during the work day and is maybe catching up on texts.

This morning as we both left for work she put her phone down hear near and hit the button so her home screen came on. There was some kind of message (I could not see what kind or read it) and she quickly hit the button again to close the screen. It was almost like she did not mean to hit the button in the first place and then quickly shut it off so I could not see.

 

 

I don’t want to snoop but I’m curious what is on her phone. Her phone is password locked and I think it even has a finger print lock too (I don’t think she uses the finger print lock though).

I was cheated on by two different women (they were the last two relationships I had before I met my wife). I don’t think my wife would cheat but my suspicions are up. I’m slightly susceptible to be suspicious though.

 

She has mentioned a guy from the guy a few times. I think he is older, late 50-60s (My wife is going to be 35 next month, I’m 45). His wife recently passed away. My wife offered to take him out on one of her days off.

 

My wife is not very sexual. For the past 6 months we had sex 2-3 times total. I asked her if we could have sex more regularly (1/week would be a big improvement). Before, when I asked she would say she was not in the mood or sick. She would end up using her hand to satisfy me (this was stand procedure for a long time) and has no interest in me pleasing her. Recently she asked me what my favorites sexual positions were (I was surprised she asked me this). I asked why and she said she read it in a Women’s Magazine (oh her phone) and was curious. The past 3 months she has been trying to lose 10lbs (she is by no means over weight but she wants to be 110lbs (she is 120ish right now) and got a trainer guy to give her a meal and exercise plan.

 

I’m not sure if these are coincidences but all these little clues make me wonder if she is cheating on me.

 

 

Thoughts? Am I Over Analyzing?

 

 

Thanks.

[vesper]

I have a lot in common with your wife but I think you may be onto something here. I think from what you have written, she is cheating on you.

[Wiseman2]

The lack of sex, affection, libido, is an issue. Dion't ask or beg for it, but step up the romance. Date nights, couch cuddling, communication etc.

 

She is on the phone an annoying amount, but that doesn't indicate cheating. People with trust and good boundaries don't need to go through each other's phone. Taking a recently widowed coworker out is a kind gesture, not cheating.

 

Try to relax about the phone. Some people live on social media. It's annoying but, whatever. However do address the lack of romance, affection and sex. Without telling her you 'need it' etc.

[surfdog]

I have a lot in common with your wife but I think you may be onto something here. I think from what you have written, she is cheating on you.

 

What do you have in common with her?......and what makes you think she is cheating?

[surfdog]

The lack of sex, affection, libido, is an issue. Dion't ask or beg for it, but step up the romance. Date nights, couch cuddling, communication etc.

 

She is on the phone an annoying amount, but that doesn't indicate cheating. People with trust and good boundaries don't need to go through each other's phone. Taking a recently widowed coworker out is a kind gesture, not cheating.

 

Try to relax about the phone. Some people live on social media. It's annoying but, whatever. However do address the lack of romance, affection and sex. Without telling her you 'need it' etc.

 

 

Thanks. She said she wants me to kiss her more (but not have it result in sex) because she said it makes her feel more connected to me. She if I make the effort to kiss her (randomly) she eventually want to have sex because of the connection the kissing will build.

I agree its nice of her to offer to take the guy out (she knows him from the gym, not from work). I just see a few things that seem "off" to me....no sex for months, glued to her phone, slightly protective of her phone, the guy from the gym, etc. These are not drastic things but they are enough to raise my suspicion (especially the phone). I've in the past learned that some people can cheat and you'd never know and it only takes a few minutes (my ex used to cheat on me and it only took 15 minutes each time, so when people say they would not have time to cheat I disagree). I don't think my wife is the cheating type but then again is there a "type"?

 

I did address the lack of romance (several times over the past few years). The improvements have been none to some but I always have to remind her.

[surfdog]

I’ve seen several “Whatsapp” messages from a guy.

 

 

One was a prayer, the second was an image message (I could not see the image because her home screen was locked). I saw these on her phone home screen, both from the same guy.

My wife was born in Africa and is big into her Christianity and Church, she has the Bible App on her phone. I’m not sure if this guy is a preacher, someone who has followers and sends out messages to his followers. I think she used to get daily prayer messages sent to her by some phone app. I'm not very religious but I go to church with her to support her.

 

 

Although I did a goggle search of his name and there is someone within 50 miles or our area and he works in the same industry as my wife (medical). I’m not sure if it’s the same guy or not.

 

 

I’m not sure what to think.

[mustlovedogs]

I treat my phone similarly to your wife. I have it with me everywhere - or at least close by. Plus I have an Apple Watch, which keeps me connected. I keep my phone face down because my friends are jerks and have sent me inappropriate pictures that pop up. It's a habit now. And if I'm with a SO and get a text, I won't say who it from... why would he care? Sometimes he might ask which is fine. But I have my own life and own friends.

[surfdog]

I treat my phone similarly to your wife. I have it with me everywhere - or at least close by. Plus I have an Apple Watch, which keeps me connected. I keep my phone face down because my friends are jerks and have sent me inappropriate pictures that pop up. It's a habit now. And if I'm with a SO and get a text, I won't say who it from... why would he care? Sometimes he might ask which is fine. But I have my own life and own friends.

 

Thanks for the reply......I definitely understand what you're saying and it makes sense. I guess with an emotional investment it makes the stakes higher.

 

Maybe it's a generational thing (she is 10 years younger) and also a female thing (no offense to females) they seem to be on the phone much more than guys.

[mustlovedogs]

Thanks for the reply......I definitely understand what you're saying and it makes sense. I guess with an emotional investment it makes the stakes higher.

 

Maybe it's a generational thing (she is 10 years younger) and also a female thing (no offense to females) they seem to be on the phone much more than guys.

 

I disagree. My ex was on his phone non stop. In bed, in the car, at dinner, sometimes even at movies.

[surfdog]

I disagree. My ex was on his phone non stop. In bed, in the car, at dinner, sometimes even at movies.

 

Yeah some guys talk a lot too. I find more woman to be on their phones over men, especially woman in their teens-30's.

[vesper]

What do you have in common with her?......and what makes you think she is cheating?

 

I started to re-connect with an ex and I was doing all the same things, texting him and trying to hide my phone from my husband. Then I had a talk with my husband about it and I made a decision to stop the cheating. Then everything was great after that even better because I was able to open up.

 

I dont partake in that behaviour anymore.

 

 

My husband and I also have not had sex for like 4 months. But thats a topic for another thread.