Help123456 Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 I am 19 my boyfriend is 29, we have been together a year and a half. On Saturday he got arrested and charged for assault and battery, and disorderly conduct. He fought with his brother-in-law, and they have never really gotten along. A neighbor called the cops, and him and his brother in law both got put in jail for 2 and a half days, then released. I know he would ever hurt me, and everyone else in his life is treated well by him. I have had big arguements with him before and he is good at keeping his cool. I think it was just that situation and person he hates. Should I still be concerned? I'm almost more concerned that I am not worried about it as much as I should be. What do you think? Should I be more worried? I am concerned about his job, and for future conflicts with the said brother in law. But not really about our relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 I would be worried, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Yes getting arrested for any reason a red flag. Physical violence on anyone is a triple red flag. You sound worried and frightened...and you should be. Even if he never turns his drunken fists at you (yet), don't fool yourself that he 'keeps his cool' if cops get called to arrest him. he got arrested and charged for assault and battery, and disorderly conduct. I have had big arguements with him before and he is good at keeping his cool. I'm almost more concerned that I am not worried about it as much as I should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 At 29 he should have known better. At the very least he sounds immature. What if he had accidentally killed him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 What does he say? What do witnesses say? If there's not a woman receiving a punch, questions matter a lot less and very often both parties are arrested regardless of fault. Misdemeanor assault charges are a dime a dozen. Doesn't matter If you clock a dude trying to choke you out. You're an easy $1000+ for the city. If he's got an excuse (alcohol and mama jokes don't count) that can be corroborated, it may be fine. Otherwise, yeah. It's not good if a dude is brought to violence over some petty ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 If he treats you right then I don't think you have much to worry about. Some people just don't get along. See how it goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 What was the "disorderly conduct"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 The neighbors called reporting a disturbance. What was the "disorderly conduct"? "Disorderly conduct is a criminal charge in most jurisdictions in the United States and certain other countries. Typically, "disorderly conduct" makes it a crime to be drunk in public, to "disturb the peace", or to loiter in certain areas. Many types of unruly conduct may fit the definition of disorderly conduct, as such statutes are often used as "catch-all" crimes. Police may use a disorderly conduct charge to keep the peace when people are behaving in a disruptive manner to themselves or others, but otherwise present no danger." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Thanks Wiseman, I know the definition lol. What I was wondering were the specifics of the OP's boyfriend's case. Was he drunk in public? Did he cause a loud scene in a public place? Was he being loud and belligerent to law enforcement officers? But I see upon re-reading that it was disturbing the neighbors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 He's in big trouble. He hasn't gone to trial yet. Would you continue to date him if he went to prison or couldn't get a job or an apt, etc? he got arrested and charged for assault and battery, and disorderly conduct. put in jail for 2 and a half days, then released. "When many people face an assault charge, they are naturally focused on the immediate consequence of how long a probation or jail sentence will be. However, an assault charge can have a dramatic impact on a defendant’s future. If a defendant is in the process of applying for citizenship, an assault conviction can be a basis for denial of citizenship. Some schools and employers will not accept persons with assault convictions on their records. Additionally, some occupations exclude individuals with assault convictions. Even a misdemeanor assault conviction can have long-term consequences." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Does he have a pending court date? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordsleftatsea Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 It's just a fight. If he's never been arrested then I wouldn't be as worried. However I'd keep an eye on his behavior. The thing that struck me is how you stated the two of you have been in big fights before. I think that's a bigger issue then him fighting some guy he hates. Boys will be boys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 I know he would ever hurt me, I have had big arguements with him before and he is good at keeping his cool. Should I still be concerned?. I can't tell you how many times I have a woman say "I know he'll never hurt me" and have ended up in hospital. If he has shown he can lose control once, he can definitely lose control again. Don't be that naive - it can happen to you too. And yes, you should be concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Help123456 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 I did not mean to sound naive. All I mean by saying "I know he would never hurt me" is this is the first time I have seen a red flag. He does NOT show any other "red flags" of a physically abusive relationship; overprotective, emotional abuse, mood swings, alcoholism... etc. that may lead to physical abuse. Towards me and other family members, he is respectful, and I have never seen him lash out besides this time. He has no previous record for violence. Therefore, after a year and a half, I have come to trust him that he won't hurt me, because he has not shown any signs of it. It would be wrong of me to accuse him of possible abuse towards me with no cause or evidence from him. Sorry for the wrong choice of wording. I know bad habits can develop over the years though, and I know I am not completely opted out of physical abuse, as a lot of people unfortunetly are not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Help123456 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 To clarify, our "big fights" are not as big as I made it to sound. We have never had a shouting match or anything. When we get mad at eachother he will do his thing, and I will do my thing and then we talk it through when we are ready, all within a few hours. Not sure if that is "good" fighting, but that is the way we go about it. I just meant to say that in the bigger relationship conflicts we have had, he handles it well. He doesn't scream at me or push me around or make me feel bad about it. We give eachother space, and then talk about it. Which is why the incident surprised me, and I did get worried enough to ask for advice. Just wanted to see some other opinions, and thank you for yours. Each answer is appreciated. I will keep a close eye on his behavior. I want to be really careful about who I end up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 It's a huge red flag. At 29, he should be well able to resolve a conflict without resorting to violence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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