Need advice please!!!

[jkier87]

Sorry in advance this is so long but as i background i am 23 and my ex is 18 and weve were together for a year and a half. Ive never been a partier or bar person any more than maybe once every couple of weeks. When i met her she said she was looking for a husband and father to future kids and I was excited about this being that i am a little older. We had an amazing relationship where we were always light hearted and messing with eachother. We would both get grumpy at times and be douchy to the other because of stress outside of the relationship but it was never anything crazy and we always fixed it before we went to sleep. (Lived together for almost a year) the problems arose when she went back to her restaurant job with a bunch of terrible influences that started inviting her out 3 and 4 times a week. Not only did i not like going but a lot of the times i couldnt because i have a serious career and work some early shifts. It was tough feeling like she was slipping away to that lifestyle but unfortunately i couldnt be too surprised considering her mother controlled her in a mentally abusive way up until the point she moved out and stopped talking to her. Now it went from this girl i was planning on marrying soon to someone barely wanted to be in a relationship. We ended up breaking up a month ago. The breakup was smooth and understanding and we held eachother for a few hours at the first place we started dating. She said i was an the best bf shes ever had in literally EVERY aspect and named everything. She finally admitted her immaturities and said its not fair to me being on another level of life and said she needed to figure everything out. I told her i would get all of my stuff out of the house and she said i didnt have to take everything which gave me a little hope. I kissed her and she looked up balling and said she didnt want that to be the last time. I agreed and we kissed a bunch more and we told eachother we hoped to be together when she had her life figured out. Because her mom controlled her and some of her hereditary depression issues much like ive suffered in the past she has a very hard time opening up and working through her issues and doesnt utilize those who love her the most. I left that night feeling pretty damn good for a breakup though and i had all the hope in the world still. I waited a couple weeks then started on a scrapbook for whatever reason... i know, gay lol. I have no regrets though because after many many hours i had an awesome 16 page front and back creation with over a hundred pics including screenshots of the first really sentimental messages throughout our relationship and letters she had written me that i saved. I also bought some nice fake flowers that matched the scrapbook. Once a week i would check the apartment and she couldnt throw away the flowers that were almost 2 months old that i had bought her for valentines day. (This was always my sign of hope each week because she kept them in a vase in her bathroom extremely dead) when the day came a couple weeks back i threw away the old and put the fake ones in so they wouldnt die hopefully like her love for me and left the scrapbook at our house. ( which i am moved out of by my offer because im too nice) Now for where im losing hope. Woohoo! So easter yesterday while she was spending time with her family i went to the apartment to get something and noticed she had taken the flowers down so i was crushed. I loaded my car up with the rest of my possessions and met up to talk with her. I asked if she was seeing anyone else to give me some kind of closure and she confidently said no. I asked if she ever saw us together again and she just paused and said ill always love you so i was shattered. I asked her what the reasoning was and she didnt talk. I nicely asked what was going on in her head and to spew out her emotions and she said she didnt know what to say besides sorry she just didn't want to be in a relationship. I was crushed and left. I went on fb because i had noticed mine still said in relationship and i was going to take it off until i saw we were still connected from both ends. Shes made a lot of posts recently but never took herself out of a relationship?? Idk anymore. Unfortunately all of us, even our pastor who's only seen her once in the last month have noticed her depression and have seen how lost and upset she always is. Shes not the same happy go lucky woman i fell in love with. Life has put her in a rut that she is struggling to get out of (her words). It sucks to watch her go through it and be helpless but her family and I are just going to have to let her crash and burn to hopefully get her out of it. I really pray that when that day comes though she will remember all the amazing things and times weve shared and try to come back as pathetic as that sounds. I truly see her as the mother of my children because she is truly loving caring and selfless. Please answer honestly but tell me if yall see hope.

Thanks in advance

[Wiseman2]

This is a huge red flag in general and at 18 in particular. It sounds like too much, too soon, too fast. That's evidenced by the fact that she still wants to party a lot.

 

Her running away from home, moving in right away with you after only 6 mos of dating and talking about kids and marriage right way was a huge clue that she is very immature and damaged.

 

Unfortunately, once you move out after living together, it's pretty much over. Pull back from all this. She need a therapist not a relationship.

23 and my ex is 18 and weve were together for a year and a half. When i met her she said she was looking for a husband and father to future kids .Lived together for almost a year. her mother controlled her in a mentally abusive way up until the point she moved out and stopped talking to her.

[jkier87]

This is a huge red flag in general and at 18 in particular. It sounds like too much, too soon, too fast. That's evidenced by the fact that she still wants to party a lot.

 

Her running away from home, moving in right away with you after only 6 mos of dating and talking about kids and marriage right way was a huge clue that she is very immature and damaged.

 

Unfortunately, once you move out after living together, it's pretty much over. Pull back from all this. She need a therapist not a relationship.

Thanks for the quick response! I left out that she loves her stepmother and father and was comfortable with them. The moving was more because shes stubborn and thinks she can be independent. I see what youre saying though! Believe it or not she slowed down on the going out since i left. I know this because my best friend still lives with her because thats his sister. She still asks him how im doing at least once a week. The whole situation is just weird especially since ive spent the last 4 years with their family and they tell me im there son. Im moving on but not losing faith that down the road long from now that family tie and gods will will bring us back together. Ive been through many serious relationships as has she. Shes never really been single in the last 4 years so thats another issue. Oh well!! Any comments on that?