Why am i missing my semi-abusive ex boyfriend? :(

[agirlofasgard]

this is typed all out of order, i apologize in advance lol

 

It's been a little over 6 months since i last talked to my ex and cut him off. at that time we had been broken up for a few months and he had texted me saying he wanted to hang out, but i was hesitant because i was thinking he just wanted sex. we went back and forth for a little bit, and one of my friends intervened. she sent me a text and told me to copy and paste it and send it to him, then block his number. the message basically said that the way he was acting was the reason most of his friends at the time were being rude to him and leaving him, and it also told him to drop my number. part of me feels like that wasn't enough closure, since it wasn't technically me saying the last thing i told him.

 

before we even dated, and of course while we were together, he was extremely overprotective. he would always text me and ask me where i was, who i was with, blah blah. in one incident he went through my phone without my permission and went through all my messages on all my apps. he was pretty controlling over me and it would get me so pissed off, but part of me was still emotionally attached to him. he also seemed like he just wanted me for lust rather than love. i gave him both, since i genuinely loved and cared for him, but he seemed more after lust. in a sense, he kind of objectified me. he never hurt me verbally or physically, just emotionally. he would have his good days though, and he would be super nice with me, as he should have been. he acted somewhat bipolar and extremely exaggerated, and we stressed each other out sometimes. but at the time, we were both in high school and he did have a job, so that might have had something to do with it as well.

 

of course, we are no longer in contact and i never saw his final reply to me since i blocked his number. i told my friend all of this info, and they said i'm still kind of attached because i truly felt love for him and i cared for him, it was just never reciprocated. i gave him a chance and thought he could change..i know it's not a lot of information to go off of in order to help me, but i need to know if i sound crazy or not.

 

i have no clue what to do, i would try and message him but i feel like he'll act hostile towards me, even if i were to explain to him that i technically wasn't the one to send my last message. my group of friends all hate him for what he did to me and since he was notorious for being a player. but i saw him differently. i tried looking past his reputation and he made me happy for a while. but since it was high school, i listened to everyone else rather than myself. i feel like if i try to even just be friends with him again and have some closure, my friends will find out and they'll get mad at me and yell at me for talking to someone so toxic to me. this has been on my mind for a few days now and it's driving me crazy, especially since one of the security guards at my new job looks super similar to my ex. looking at his face whenever i'm at work breaks me a little bit inside. would it even be worth trying to make amends with him again? i just feel tension between us and i want it to clear, plus i'm kind of curious to see if he's changed since we talked last.

[seanryder]

Hi There. No you're not crazy....you're just young. When you're young you accept things you would never tolerate when you're older. I hope this doesn't sound condescending....it's not meant to be....we've all been there and hopefully have learned from it. When we are young we view any attention as good. You are missing the attention you got from being in this relationship. After all any attention is better than none right?.......wrong!

 

Sit down and think what you want from a relationship. A list of desirable qualities and a list of deal breakers. Surely dating a player would fall into the deal breaker category. Girls have this idea that they'll be the one to tame him......good luck with that!

 

Raise your standards. Not all attention is good. Find someone who you love and cherish and equally as important someone who loves and cherishes you. Don't settle. It will take time, but it will be worth it.

 

One last thought...... read your own story and think what advice you would give your best friend......and then take it.

 

Best of luck.

[Wiseman2]

Research 'trauma bonding' and 'Stockholm syndrome'.

[agirlofasgard]

i appreciate the response! would it at least be worth it to message him and tell him that it wasn't me who wrote the last message to him, just to have some closure? do you also think it's worth trying to see if he has changed?

[agirlofasgard]

i appreciate the response! would it at least be worth it to message him and tell him that it wasn't me who wrote the last message to him, just to have some closure? do you also think it's worth trying to see if he has changed? or is that just going to worsen my trauma bonding? i didn't exactly feel abused by him, i just felt disrespected and stressed out. he never necessarily left me heartbroken, just upset and annoyed at times.

[Gabinete]

It is just anxiety. Forget about him!