Outoflines Posted April 17, 2017 Share Posted April 17, 2017 I have never posted on a forum for anything before much less something this important or personal but I've heard these are good places to look for help. Here's my story. My boyfriend of almost two years got a phone call about eight months ago that his younger brother 19 years old had killed himself. Since that day my world has been upside down and backward. Watching his family who we are pretty close to grieve and fall apart. His mother barely eats and has lost the will to live. His dad is stoic. His surviving brothers from what I can tell aren't really coping and neither is he. My once loving, funny, and incredibly supportive boyfriend is gone. What's left is a shell of a person completely incapable of connecting. He barely talks to me. Spends the majority of his time outside of work PC gaming or disc golfing. I understand that he is not himself and probably won't ever be. He and his brother were pretty close. His brother we'll call him J used to spend almost every night at our house just hanging out. My boyfriend we'll call him F doesn't have many people outside of his brothers that he spends time with outside of work. He refuses to get help saying he doesn't have time. He is very obviously depressed and has completely shut me out. Last night he got drunk and we argued. He left after telling me to move myself and myfour year old daughter out. About 30 minutes later there was a knock on the door. A police officer was there and my heart dropped out of my chest. He told me f was sitting outside of our apartment building and had called them because he was feeling like he may harm himself. The officer gave us some advice for people he could talk to but i doubt he will follow through. I push and push for him to get help. I try to get him to talk to me. It usually ends up with me in tears and him ignoring me. I am frustrated and I feel selfish for feeling lonely and needing him when he is obviously hurting so much. I am at my wits end. I have no idea what to do or how to help him. I have tried to be patient but its so freaking hard to get him to talk to me or anyone. I know that in order for him to attempt to heal he needs to grieve in a healthy way but he's completely shut down. There's a wall between us and its name is grief. I try to talk to family and friends about my concern and lonliness and grief but no one seems to comprehend. So many people seem to think that he should simply get over it and it makes me so angry because how the hell is he supposed to do that. I am not going anywhere but I know that I cant even begin to understand his pain in a way that could effectively help. I am here for him but how can I be with someone who is so far gone. Catch 22 I guess. Anyway. If anyone out there has been through something similar. I would really love some advice on how to cope and help him do the same. Link to comment
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