My ex girlfriend broke up with me... 3 days later catch her in bed with new man

[Dreamfunk]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me 3days ago.... was with her for a year. The relationship has been very toxic from the start. She has accused me of cheating etc. She put a tracker on my mobile and would blame me for anything and everything that was wrong in the relationship! So after several breaks up and me being pushed away and always taking the blame for the breaks! She told me she was done. Ok I heard this so many times from her. I gave her space and thought I would surprise her this morning with flowers. Turn up at her house and see a flash car on the drive😩At first I thought she had a mate there? So I walk around the back, her bedroom window is open and I can hear her having sex with some bloke. I shout at the window saying I can hear you with him? I get a text message from her saying go or I will call the police. I left with a very broken heart! I always treated her right and took the blame for all our stupid arguing. She made me feel like it was all my fault! Last Wednesday she was telling me how much she loved me and misses me? I'm lost and heartbroken with her actions. How could someone just do that. We are both in our late 40s

Thank you for reading. I need your help

[Dreamfunk]

I'm heartbroken numb and lost! I'm 42 and she is 50. We were together for 1 year but it was a very toxic relationship! She blamed me for everything and never ever once said sorry. I soaked it all up thinking it was all my fault. She has dumped me several times in the past over stupid rows, but we always worked things out. Last Tuesday she texts me and tells me she is done and needs space. I give her space and Wednesday night she texts me saying she misses me and loves me very much. I reply the same and ask to see her but she wants more time. I woke up this morning and buy some flowers and think I'll drop them on her doorstep. I see a flash car on her drive? I think it's a friend and walk around the back to the garden. I hear her having sex with a man. I could hear everything as her window was open. I shout to her and tell her I can hear you having sex!!! She texts me and tells me to leave and she will call the police. I leave with a broken heart! We have not had sex for 2 months as she said she was going through the menopause. I support her with this and help her. I never cheated on her, she has put a tracker on my phone in the past and has accused me of cheating. I don't cheat it's not my style! She has money and has not worked for over 2 years. She has a habit of dumping me 1 a month especially over the weekends and getting back with after? I feel used and heartbroken that she could do this to me.

Any thoughts would be appreciated

[Heart of gold]

Go NC sorry I know you're going to be shattered but that's what she has done and you have to move on from this. Don't get in touch with her please! Have pride and move forward.

[Dreamfunk]

Thank you

It's hard as I want the truth? She has texted me today telling me it's all my fault!

I never replied as I having nothing to say. But I'm a good man and would never do this to anyone. Has this man been about for a while?

[Heart of gold]

Thank you

It's hard as I want the truth? She has texted me today telling me it's all my fault!

I never replied as I having nothing to say. But I'm a good man and would never do this to anyone. Has this man been about for a while?

 

What a toxic woman! Your fault when she's jumped into bed with another man!

You KNOW you're a good man and u don't need a complete b****(excuse my French) to validate your character.

Be strong rise above her block her if you can. You will meet a good lady and be happy.

[Ms Darcy]

I would suggest you seek some therapy to help you understand why you stuck around for such toxicity.

[Wolfboy702]

I feel used and heartbroken that she could do this to me.

Unfortunately that's just it, she used you. Break off all contact and perhaps seek therapy if you're really struggling to recover from it but sadly some people are like that, all you can do is move on with your life.

[Raggie]

Just wow! And what was the attraction for you, exactly?

 

I'm sorry she has beaten you down. I assume that she has been screwing you over mentally for some time. Block her immediately for your sake. You need a break from this.

 

If you are struggling, then speak to someone.

 

Take care of yourself. You're important and worth so much more.

[jujusamples]

I'm glad you realized this is a toxic relationship! When you break up once, it's already a red flag. Let alone, every weekend? I say you cut all contact and start focusing on moving forward. Start fresh with someone new. This is just going to be a pattern, and it's exhausting! Time to cut all ties. Seek some therapy if possible. There might be some underlying issue you need to work on. At least therapy will help you figure out why you are staying in this toxic relationship. That way you will have some awareness so the pattern does not repeat itself.

[Mavrik]

i think it maybe the case due to being how she is and toxic, this is another way of her hurting you.

 

I was in an on off relationship and she would have sex with other men then tell me about it, and yes it was very painful but she did it to hurt me.

 

But I got over it and am in a great new relationship and she's now single and can't hold a relationship down.

 

Don't let her hurt you, you'll get over this, we all do.

[Dreamfunk]

Thank you for all your replys

I had no idea this would happen....I tried my hardest to make this relationship work. We have not had sex for months and to hear her having sex will haunt me forever. Yet she still blames me for everything. If I had an opinion on our relationship she would throw me out! If I was quite or a bit stressed she would throw my stuff out on the lawn and tell me to leave. She got me arrested New Year's Eve. We went out for a meal that night and I said to her I thought the food was crap. She told me in the cab that I embarrassed her by complaining about the food. Get back to her house and she says she is going to a friends house to celebrate New Year's Eve. Grabs her car keys and try's to get into her car. I stop her as she is so drunk! She tells me she will phone the police if I don't leave her alone. I say to her I love you and you can not drink drive? She rings the police and tells them that I'm going to attack her and she is scared for her life! I get my stuff and wait for the police... they arrive 4 police cars and arrest me... two hours later they released me as she says I didn't nothing wrong! I know I should have walked then! But love is blind.

I'm hurt how anyone could be so cold and so hurtful

[Dreamfunk]

Last Sunday she told me she wanted to marry me☹️

[Mavrik]

Sadly I've been there, what you describe is nothing but a abusive relationship and what you miss is the gap now left in your life, the gap she filled, with her being around.

 

I posted twice on here my experience of a similar nature and that I missed her soooo much. But got over it. She contacted me out of the blue and said she was having problems and really needed to see me for support. So on Thursday I went round (I must have been crazy). ANC whilst there she set about me like an emotional punch bag, and now I feel like I've had a set back to my recovery.

 

I'd advise you not to make contact or see her, and try to fill the gap she has left in your life. And trust me it does get better

 

But she's using you as an emotional punch bag

[Dreamfunk]

Thank you... I understand everything you have just said, I think every time she wanted to see him,she would cause a fight so I was not around? That explains the lack of sex? Then when she had her fun or fix I would be back in the picture.

But if you love someone WHY do that? She has not worked for 2 years but lives a very comfortable life! Hair and nails done every week. She has a wardrobe full up with expensive clothes still with tags on! Over 200 pairs of boots. It's like there gifts from people! My mother told me she thinks she is a high class call girl? Explains all the gifts and untouched clothes etc.

Why do people hurt us when all we do is love and help?

[boltnrun]

Love is NOT "blind".

 

You have chosen to ignore and brush off all of the terrible things she has done. It is a choice, not some force causing you to be unable to see.

 

I will tell you that she will never, ever stop treating you badly.

 

So...the choice is yours. Stay and continue to allow her to treat you like garbage, or walk away permanently.

[Dreamfunk]

Love. Kept me around I'm sorry to say

[Dreamfunk]

I do agree with you boltnrun, I'm happy I found this out today but so bloody upset I let this happen? She made me think it was all my fault! The red flags were slapping me in the face but I ignored them like a fool

[catfeeder]

It's hard as I want the truth?

 

You already have the truth. She's always treated you badly, and now she's sleeping with someone else. What more do you need to know?

[Matt3939]

I hope that what you discovered was a wake up call and you can finally move on. Good luck

[Careerchoice]

I know exactly how you feel as I caught my ex in another man's arms walking into his house in the middle of the night (it was confirmed as cheated the next morning).

 

Don't beat yourself up about it now, but as a human in this game of love, it is your job to screen your partner for character flaws that would be fatal to your relationship. Your ex has those. My ex failed to grow up (lack of maturity) after ten years together. Drill this lesson of looking out for yourself as into your head so that you don't make a similar mistake in the future.

 

Your now ex will continue to try to manipulate you from this point forward. If you want what's best for yourself, you will go into No Contact and block any form of communication with her. There are over 3.5 billion females on this earth and I guarantee that, if you put in the effort to find her, you will find someone who gives you all of the positive qualities you saw in your ex, without all of the negatives, plus more positives! You only have so many days on this earth to find her and then only so many more to enjoy life with her. The sooner you begin the search, the better for you.

[Dreamfunk]

It's 3am uk time and I want to sleep but every time I close my eyes I hear them having sex😐 I will recover and I will learn from this! I was lied to and fed a load bs, when I say I want the truth? I want to know why she did this? Why track my phone and text me and say I'm cheating?why accuse me when she was doing the crime? Why put all the blame on me? I miss her daughter, we connected very well and my ex knew we had a good friendship. She would say I was more of father than her real dad... equally I had a good relationship with the girls father. Hey I feel stupid for being treated like this but will never talk to her again. Thank you it's good to hear your thoughts

[Careerchoice]

It's 3am uk time and I want to sleep but every time I close my eyes I hear them having sex😐

Believe it or not, there is a bright side to having this happen. Instead of a long drawn out break up, you have finality and can move on with no doubts. It hurts more up front, but your healing begins immediately. All of your feelings are normal! I sense you're going to be fine in the end. Keep your eye on two goals: distance yourself from your ex and reengage with the opposite sex. Recovering from a break up isn't easy, but it isn't complicated.

[Dreamfunk]

Thank you and you are right. I'm happy this happened but feel like a doormat for letting it happen to me! This merry go round would have been spinning for months if I didn't catch her with new guy! Just so strange that on Wednesday she was telling me she missed me and wanted to work things out... then silence until I caught her Sunday morning? She will blame it all on me and twist things. But I hold my head up high and know the truth! I was the one who gave a dam and I was the real man by walking out of her garden knowing he was up there with her. I don't blame him? He probably knew nothing about me? Then when I left she probably told him I'm the fruit loop lol.

I trusted my gut feeling this morning and it didn't let me down. There should be no instructions with a relationship but I wished I had some with this women! I think people in love don't do this to people? If they do this then they never cared for you, they lie and make you take the blame! I look back and think how stupid I was for loving her.

[Mavrik]

I think there are 3 things here, that are afffecting your thinking

 

1 is of course her behaviour

2 your angry at yourself for getting into this situation

3 realising there is nothing at this moment to fill the gap that she's left so you think about her more.

 

It's easy to blame and be angry as I could have done that, as my ex would sleep with people then tell me about it, she had a histrionic personality disorder (read up on the sign and symptoms it maybe the case of yours too), but she did it to hurt me and make me feel jealous and bad. But mine, like yours had good times too that you can remember with fondness I'm sure.

 

Now I think from what you've written, that she simply may have used you when she needed to, to fill the gap in her life as and when required. And then push you away when she needed to. And sadly you fell for it

 

If I was a betting man I can guarantee (like me ex), yours will be alone in 20 years time, going from one relationship to the next

 

Mine couldn't keep a relationship longer than 2 months max. Whereas I stayed for 12 months in thaf time I went through what you did, as well as put downs, racist abuse and negativity aplenty.

 

But a month and a half down the road I'm in a much better place, as you will be. And sadly my ex is in a very dark place and alone.

 

But that's the road she has to walk alone

 

You'll get over this, I thought I wouldn't but I did.

 

Venting on here helped loads

 

Wishing you all the best

[catfeeder]

This merry go round would have been spinning for months if I didn't catch her with new guy!

 

Why?

 

There's a huge difference between passively allowing people to mistreat us (and sticking around for that) versus actively screening out bad matches and walking away from them. If you want to pretzel yourself to keep someone around no matter how lousy they treat you, you can do that--it's not against the law. It just teaches you zero about self respect and closes you off to the possibility of enjoying true simpatico and real love with someone who deserves your investment.

 

Experiences are wasted when we learn nothing from them. I'd use this one to discover why you were willing to jump through hoops to keep a bad match, and I'd work through that. If it means hiring a professional to help you with it, I'd go there.

 

Head high.