norvin500 Posted April 15, 2017 Share Posted April 15, 2017 Hi everybody.So glad I found this wonderful forum! Ive spent all day reading posts, and some are most enlightening albeit complicated and even confusing.The human condition.Ok this is me. Im a tough guy.An ex pro boxer, who served in the forces.About 12 years ago, I was single and content.Id just had heart surgery, and was recovering.The post surgery depression was intense but I was told it would improve, even though it might be a year or so.I was 43 years old. We used to hang out at a local bar.We knew some girls and were a friendly lot.The girls gravitated towards our fun,and after time was called we ended the nights,at one of the girls homes for a nightcap."Julie" was 40.The mother of three young girls.It soon became clear she like me.However, I tried to keep her at a distance.Suffice to say,I eventually sucumbed to her charms and one night,Never left for home.We spent a year together.We laughed.We laughed a lot.Someone once commented "what the is it with you two,its like your telepathic together?"We were.One glance or a wink, could say more than a thousand words.It was ing great.Anyway, things went wrong.She misinterpreted a text message.( texting) Even though I tried to convince her of my innocence,she was convinced,and she broke up on the phone one saturday night. I was training for a fight at the time.My focus was elseware,even though her friends tried to convince me to talk to her.i wouldnt.However, as the months past,I realised how much her and the kids meant to me. I tried to get her back, but without sucess.You cant change a womans mind.Only her emotions, and I failed.The years went past.She met some guy, who she has now been with for 11 or so years.I still see them out ocassionally as she lives a 5 minute walk from my house.He obviously didnt know about me.That is until about three years ago. Me and a friend bumped into her and her friend in a bar.My friend and hers, had a history.It was obvious they wanted to get together.We headed back to Julies house.Whilst they were in the spare room, Julie sat there stroking my hand, asking "why cant we be friends?" I replied that,Ive plenty of friends.I wished her a happy life,and would smile when we meet.That was all.This made her angry, and she hinted that It might be time for me to leave.I did.Its also obvious that the new man, knew Id been at her house, as he began to glare at me when he saw me.ing idiot.Lucky I so calm.He deserves a left hook. Anyway, when she sees me in town, she dives into a doorway, or hides behind someone, in the street.Last month, I came around a tight bend and we virtually, smacked into each other.I smiled "Hi Julie!" She responded nervously. In all these years, Ive had countless other relationships.They dont last.I compare them and, well you know the rest.She fills my thoughts, daily.I still drive past her home,hoping that one day the boyfriends car will be gone.Ive done that for 12 years.I sit here, and she fills my thoughts, and tears of desperation, and hopelessness wash over me.Ive not been the same man for all these years.My whole persona, is dampened and tears flow.Whether its anger, frustration or pain.I dont know anymore. I sit and try to compose a speech, that I could tell her, that will end it for me.Now at 57 I question the futures appeal.Any input would be gratefully received.I cant waste anymore years......... Ive memorised this quote about regrets.Perhaps, if she heard it,It might give me some closure.I never managed to tell her how much she meant to me. "Timing is irrelevant when two people are meant for each other. It's what I once believed. But we met during a time when I was such a mess, when I still had so much to figure out. How could I have known how crucial every word, every action was or how losing you would be something I would always regret? If only you could have met me now, how different it would be. How much I have changed. How I have grown. I learned so much from all the mistakes I made with you. I just wish I had made them with someone else.” Link to comment
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