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Hi everybody.So glad I found this wonderful forum! Ive spent all day reading posts, and some are most enlightening albeit complicated and even confusing.The human condition.Ok this is me.

Im a tough guy.An ex pro boxer, who served in the forces.About 12 years ago, I was single and content.Id just had heart surgery, and was recovering.The post surgery depression was intense but I was told it would improve, even though it might be a year or so.I was 43 years old.

We used to hang out at a local bar.We knew some girls and were a friendly lot.The girls gravitated towards our fun,and after time was called we ended the nights,at one of the girls homes for a nightcap."Julie" was 40.The mother of three young girls.It soon became clear she like me.However, I tried to keep her at a distance.Suffice to say,I eventually sucumbed to her charms and one night,Never left for home.We spent a year together.We laughed.We laughed a lot.Someone once commented "what the is it with you two,its like your telepathic together?"We were.One glance or a wink, could say more than a thousand words.It was ing great.Anyway, things went wrong.She misinterpreted a text message.( texting) Even though I tried to convince her of my innocence,she was convinced,and she broke up on the phone one saturday night.

I was training for a fight at the time.My focus was elseware,even though her friends tried to convince me to talk to her.i wouldnt.However, as the months past,I realised how much her and the kids meant to me.

I tried to get her back, but without sucess.You cant change a womans mind.Only her emotions, and I failed.The years went past.She met some guy, who she has now been with for 11 or so years.I still see them out ocassionally as she lives a 5 minute walk from my house.He obviously didnt know about me.That is until about three years ago.

Me and a friend bumped into her and her friend in a bar.My friend and hers, had a history.It was obvious they wanted to get together.We headed back to Julies house.Whilst they were in the spare room, Julie sat there stroking my hand, asking "why cant we be friends?" I replied that,Ive plenty of friends.I wished her a happy life,and would smile when we meet.That was all.This made her angry, and she hinted that It might be time for me to leave.I did.Its also obvious that the new man, knew Id been at her house, as he began to glare at me when he saw me.ing idiot.Lucky I so calm.He deserves a left hook.

Anyway, when she sees me in town, she dives into a doorway, or hides behind someone, in the street.Last month, I came around a tight bend and we virtually, smacked into each other.I smiled "Hi Julie!"

She responded nervously.

 

In all these years, Ive had countless other relationships.They dont last.I compare them and, well you know the rest.She fills my thoughts, daily.I still drive past her home,hoping that one day the boyfriends car will be gone.Ive done that for 12 years.I sit here, and she fills my thoughts, and tears of desperation, and hopelessness wash over me.Ive not been the same man for all these years.My whole persona, is dampened and tears flow.Whether its anger, frustration or pain.I dont know anymore.

I sit and try to compose a speech, that I could tell her, that will end it for me.Now at 57 I question the futures appeal.Any input would be gratefully received.I cant waste anymore years.........

Ive memorised this quote about regrets.Perhaps, if she heard it,It might give me some closure.I never managed to tell her how much she meant to me.

 

"Timing is irrelevant when two people are meant for each other. It's what I once believed.

 

But we met during a time when I was such a mess, when I still had so much to figure out. How could I have known how crucial every word, every action was or how losing you would be something I would always regret?

 

If only you could have met me now, how different it would be. How much I have changed. How I have grown. I learned so much from all the mistakes I made with you. I just wish I had made them with someone else.”

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It sounds like you have idealized this woman and that has kept you in limbo. However, imo you were never meant for each other to begin with. The right person would not have left so easily and/or have given things a second chance. The fact that she never did indicates that she is not the one for you. As you have identified yourself, it's time to take her off the pedestal and open a new chapter in your life. It's a shame to waste more time on 'what ifs'. If it could have, it would have. It HAS happened the way it did and no, it couldn't have happened any other way. You need to focus on addressing whatever is really missing from your life. Chances are that this woman is just a distraction you use to escape from addressing your real problems. Good luck!

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Please don't put your life on hold for something that once was.

People change, time changes and we have to move along with it.

Join a dating website maybe? Or a club of some sort? Meet others and date others, after all, she is getting on with her life isn't she?

She can say let's be friends because she is over the romantic side of things, you are not.

Be strong. Stop comparing. If things were that good, you'd be together now?

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Even if it was a timing issue when you first broke up, if it was a meant-to-be-deal, you'd have reconciled within 11 YEARS.

 

Sounds more like you haven't been living the life you want, so you're assigning fault for that to a woman who has long moved on with her own life.

 

You can continue to fix on that if you want to--it's not against the law. It's just not going to get you anywhere. I'd much rather change the word I use to describe my own stagnation from "can't" move on to "won't" for accuracy. Then I'd hire another therapist and make a better choice.

 

Head high.

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I can kind of understand this story. back in 2005 I met a gorgeous girl from manchester UK who I fell mad in love with , I lived 100 mile away though, we managed about 6 months relationship she meant the world to me but we broke up, she found someone else in her own town..I have since had relationships and fell in love again, it happens . but I always remember my manchester girl , other girls I have long forgot about , some women can do this to a man. its just the way of the world .

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Please don't put your life on hold for something that once was.

People change, time changes and we have to move along with it.

Join a dating website maybe? Or a club of some sort? Meet others and date others, after all, she is getting on with her life isn't she?

She can say let's be friends because she is over the romantic side of things, you are not.

Be strong. Stop comparing. If things were that good, you'd be together now?

Hi thanks for the input.I dont need dating sites honestly! Ive had 5/6 girlfriends of varying age, looks and duration for the last 10 years! Ive a busy life,I run two businesses, in between playing guitar and lifting weights plenty of stuff going on.

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Even if it was a timing issue when you first broke up, if it was a meant-to-be-deal, you'd have reconciled within 11 YEARS.

 

Sounds more like you haven't been living the life you want, so you're assigning fault for that to a woman who has long moved on with her own life.

 

You can continue to fix on that if you want to--it's not against the law. It's just not going to get you anywhere. I'd much rather change the word I use to describe my own stagnation from "can't" move on to "won't" for accuracy. Then I'd hire another therapist and make a better choice.

 

Head high.

Thanks.No im not living the life I envisaged.I thought id be pretty settled at my age.Im just as unsettled as I was when I was 15! Ive no family left.My father died few years back,and he was the last.I may well be using this situation to blame for my lack of satisfaction in general.

However,I do have a personality trait, that I inherited from my father.We both seem to have a very strong emotional bond to the past.I remember,as a youngster yearning for the past,even at 13 years old! When my father was alive he often spent time sitting outside our old family home, that we left some 40 years previously,he was 80 years at the time.Perhaps this is where my attachment originates.I remember how I felt with her.Its so strong and clear.Perhaps,I just want that feeling again.

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I can kind of understand this story. back in 2005 I met a gorgeous girl from manchester UK who I fell mad in love with , I lived 100 mile away though, we managed about 6 months relationship she meant the world to me but we broke up, she found someone else in her own town..I have since had relationships and fell in love again, it happens . but I always remember my manchester girl , other girls I have long forgot about , some women can do this to a man. its just the way of the world .

Thanks mate.Summed up like a true Lononder! No convoluted explanations,Just plain and simple.I fear your right.

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Hi thanks for the input.I dont need dating sites honestly! Ive had 5/6 girlfriends of varying age, looks and duration for the last 10 years! Ive a busy life,I run two businesses, in between playing guitar and lifting weights plenty of stuff going on.

 

Sorry I didn't mean to offend lol. I meant to get out there abit and take your mind off her..I totally understand that sometimes no matter how busy our lives, there is that one person who gets into your head..but hopefully that will get better with time.

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Sorry I didn't mean to offend lol. I meant to get out there abit and take your mind off her..I totally understand that sometimes no matter how busy our lives, there is that one person who gets into your head..but hopefully that will get better with time.

 

No not at all.I am perpetually busy.However, when the "black dog" (depression as Churchill called it.)arrives it well, arrives! irrespective of what im doing.If im feeling low, it does become amplified though.

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