My Ex does not leave me alone after 7 years!!

[sweetie71]

I had a 1 year relationship with my ex bf who is 12 years younger 7 years ago. We broke up, because of the age gap and we fought alot. But after 1 month we started to see eachother again more like FWB; we saw eachother at my place once a week, travelled together and were emotionally like a couple, but not officially. This has been going on for 7 years now with a couple of breaks of 1-3 months on the way.

 

In august last year we had a break again and i decided that it has to end. i met another man and tried to move on. My ex texted me 1-2 times during those first month but i just ignored. But after more than 3 months of no contact i replied and there we go again...we are like a drug to eachother.

 

I still see my boyfriend and love him, but I love and feel more passion with my ex. So I still see my ex now and then and we text almost every day. Last month he came to visit me in Spain and now he wants to come and visit me in italy. I said NO this time and told him that he must leave me alone, that i am seeing someone. He doesnt believe that im really serious with someone else, so i had to be harsch on him and told him to really not bother anymore.

 

Now I feel half again. I really love or am obsessed with him and I feel that he must love me too after so many years.

 

Has anyone out there ever experienced anything like this for such a long time?! I read the book "Mr Unavailable and the fallback girl" and its really me and him. He is now almost 36 and i am 48 and of course he wants family and children. I told him to move on, but he just cant let me be. He doesnt seem to find anyone else either, the older he gets. I really want him more than any other man, but it seems we have no future. It seems like an obsession that must end. But we both have difficult of letting go.

 

I feel empty now and i love my new bf, but not the same way.

[MissCanuck]

You two need to block each other. I don't see any other alternative if you don't want a future together.

[Annia]

Are you with both at the same time at the moment?

 

It seems to me it's time to move on from the ex boyfriend. This is not bringing you peace and happiness and is leaving your heart too busy to appreciate your boyfriend or future relationships. Stop comparing men to your ex. Sometimes we feel a great bound, connection and attraction to someone but that doesn't mean we're supposed to end up together with them in a healthy and sustainable relationship. Sometimes is better to let go and admit that this relationship no longer serves both of you and that way you can both be emotionally free to have great relationships.

[sweetie71]

but then he texts me from his work email or work phone and then im back again!! but i hope that this time he will leave me alone...thank you all

 

 

Are you with both at the same time at the moment?

 

It seems to me it's time to move on from the ex boyfriend. This is not bringing you peace and happiness and is leaving your heart too busy to appreciate your boyfriend or future relationships. Stop comparing men to your ex. Sometimes we feel a great bound, connection and attraction to someone but that doesn't mean we're supposed to end up together with them in a healthy and sustainable relationship. Sometimes is better to let go and admit that this relationship no longer serves both of you and that way you can both be emotionally free to have great relationships.

[Annia]

Try to block him from those numbers too. If it's not possible remember that it might be hard to control feelings, but you can control your actions if you really feel that the best for both of you is to end this.

[sweetie71]

Yes i have too. its just that i still love him so much and would wish that he would say that he wants me so much and that i should take him and be with him instead of my bf. these words never come up, but i know that he must have feelings for me bc of other reasons. do you think there is no chance he will change his mind ever?

[Andrina]

You have to go by what's going on in the present, and not hope for what could be. Don't you think 7 years is long enough for him to have spoken up? You have chemistry which is biological. That's the simple part. He lacks all of your major needs. You cannot have closure with daily and consistent contact. It doesn't matter what he wants. It's all about what's best for you. Change your phone number instead of coming up with excuses. There's always a solution. Letting things happen to you is passive. Take charge to drive your life the way you want it to go. Texting you from his e-mail and home phone when you've blocked his other number? That's stalking, and you find this appealing?

 

It's time to get off the merry go round that goes absolutely nowhere and see what the rest of the carnival has to offer. If you don't want a bf being in contact romantically with another woman, then you don't do those types of things either. It's called being faithful. Be the partner you want.

[Wiseman2]

Does the guy you are seeing consider this cheating or is he a fwb also?

i met another man and tried to move on. My ex texted me 1-2 times during those first month but i just ignored. But after more than 3 months of no contact i replied and there we go again...we are like a drug to eachother.

I still see my boyfriend and love him, but I love and feel more passion with my ex.

[ParisPaulette]

Not in the aspect that I was going to put some other schmoe there to try and get over my ex, but I did the whole "fallback girl" routine for six years with one fellow. I just finally ended it and didn't wait around anymore fooling myself that his particular combination of lust/love was ever going to make my life better. And really, what's the point of something if it won't make life better? Meth gives an incredible high from what I'm told too, but look at the results.

 

Toxic love is pretty much the same.

 

What you need to do is learn to live on your own, without having to have a man, any man around. End things with both men, spend a year or two single and not dating and focus on other things like your own accomplishments, doing things that have nothing to do with "I need a man to feel complete and whole" and do that.

 

And stop cheating, there is no excuse for that. Ever.

 

P.S. I finally decided my ex really was my drug of choice, so I finally did what all addicts do - I went cold turkey and got clean. You couldn't pay me enough money in any world to ever go back to that kind of insanity again. Ever. Really, that's what it will take. You'll just say, "I am tired of this (expletive) " and you'll walk. And that's an action I cannot begin to recommend highly enough.

[sweetie71]

Thank you ParisPaulette for your advise. But how did you do and how did he react? what made you come to the decision that you had enough? i wish this feeling could last longer for me. normally im just fed up for a couple of days and tells him to just leave me alone and block him. but after only 1-2 weeks i already start to miss him and think about if he is going to meet someone else. i never really do the first move and contact him, but i keep hoping that the message will come from him, which proves that he still didnt move on and still wants me....then i feel good again....i wonder when i will really feel that i had 100% enough! please can you tell me your story?

[Annia]

Sometimes connection and biological chemistry are so strong and intense that it's hard to let go. But out of sight out of mind and in time I think you'll be able to let go. It's for your own sanity and future relationships.

 

I'll share once again something that has been helping me a lot letting go and calming myself 10sev1OhXuc"]

 

Another thing, change that narrative of "my ex doesn't leave me alone". It has also been your choice to stay connected to him. You're not powerless, you have a choice. If he is not able to give you what you feel that you want in a relationship then the more you keep answering and holding on the harder it will be.

[sweetie71]

Thank you for your input we do have a strong chemistry indeed and its hard from both sides. when he contacts me and when we meet, my hurt pounds hard...but afterwards i feel bad. i really do love him and he is the only one that really attracts me. but i know he is not good for me. i blocked him everywhere for the last time now. i know he will find a way to contact me again, but i must be strong.

[Jennifer weave]

I had a 1 year relationship with my ex bf who is 12 years younger 7 years ago. We broke up, because of the age gap and we fought alot. But after 1 month we started to see eachother again more like FWB; we saw eachother at my place once a week, travelled together and were emotionally like a couple, but not officially. This has been going on for 7 years now with a couple of breaks of 1-3 months on the way.

 

In august last year we had a break again and i decided that it has to end. i met another man and tried to move on. My ex texted me 1-2 times during those first month but i just ignored. But after more than 3 months of no contact i replied and there we go again...we are like a drug to eachother.

 

I still see my boyfriend and love him, but I love and feel more passion with my ex. So I still see my ex now and then and we text almost every day. Last month he came to visit me in Spain and now he wants to come and visit me in italy. I said NO this time and told him that he must leave me alone, that i am seeing someone. He doesnt believe that im really serious with someone else, so i had to be harsch on him and told him to really not bother anymore.

 

Now I feel half again. I really love or am obsessed with him and I feel that he must love me too after so many years.

 

Has anyone out there ever experienced anything like this for such a long time?! I read the book "Mr Unavailable and the fallback girl" and its really me and him. He is now almost 36 and i am 48 and of course he wants family and children. I told him to move on, but he just cant let me be. He doesnt seem to find anyone else either, the older he gets. I really want him more than any other man, but it seems we have no future. It seems like an obsession that must end. But we both have difficult of letting go.

 

I feel empty now and i love my new bf, but not the same way.

 

Sounds like he's your "twin flame." I know it sounds crazy, but read up on it. One big sign of a twin flame is an age gap of 10 years or more. I'm not advocating any of this behavior, because it seems a bit unhealthy, but just an observation.