He has lots of pics of his ex on FB

[phoebeava]

Hello,

I recently met someone online and been on several dates with him now over the past month. We're both geeks and love scrabble so we added each other on Facebook so we can play one another online. I foolishly browsed his profile photos the other day and noticed that he still has loads of photos of his ex up, even an album dedicated to her I understand they're friends now and broke up about 2 years ago after a 10 year or so relationship. They seem to have a few mutual friends too, which is understandable since they were together so long. He's been single since the break up, only dating a few people casually.

Are the pics of the ex a red flag? Should I run now? Or is it too soon to ask him about the photos?

[Coily]

It's a 10 year relationship it's not surprising that he has left over photos of her and if they are on OK terms, I wouldn't pay it much mind at this stage. Unless he is reposting them or bringing them up a lot to look at, I would think it's more an archive of where he's been. Let your relationship blossom further and see if the photos fade more in importance.

 

In a way this is an example of the problems of social media archiving our lives so thoroughly.

[mustlovedogs]

Going through ten years of potential social media would be so hard. It would take forever. I don't think I would be particularly bothered.

[ParisPaulette]

It's not whether it's right or wrong, but whether it bothers you. If you think it's an issue now that will probably not go away. At this stage of the game it's not how he feels about it, but how you feel about it.

 

If you don't like it you are free to walk away. If he hasn't been in a serious relationship since that time then he's had no incentive to take the pics down and obviously feels fondly enough of her that he didn't dump the pics of her out of anger or sorrow like some would.

[itsallgrand]

It's absolutely too soon to say anything.

 

I wouldn't consider it a red flag unless there is fresh photos and albums of her. Most likely, it's just laziness or indifference on his part to go through all of it and update his page. And some people are just ok with all their history laid out for everyone to see . If he wasn't, he wouldn't have posted so much to begin with or would have changed it by now.

[Wiseman2]

Not a big deal. Just a folder of this chapter of his life. You will never erase it from his brain or memory so why worry about old social media folders?

[SherrySher]

Hmmmm, so it's not a big deal that you looked, anyone would.

But if he's been broken up for two years and still has an album dedicated to her, yes, that's not healthy.

People have been in marriages for ten years or longer and if it's been over with for two years and especially if they decide to date again, you really shouldn't be having pics of your ex on your fb ( inmho) it just seems like the past is not really in their past.

 

But you really have only met this guy and you don't know him well enough yet to know if you could ever really date seriously or who he is or anything really to express anything concern to him.

This really does come down to you and how comfortable or not comfortable you are with it.

I personally would give it some time. If you get a long well and it's promising, then don't worry too much about it but if say you're still dating and it's gotten more serious after around the sixth month mark and he's still not gotten rid of ex's pics, then yes, express concern.

Right now he might just have been lazy about removing it or hadn't met anyone he's been serious about to take notice to remove ex's pics.

[ManyDates]

My facebook page was literally destroyed by an ex. By that I mean comments from her on literally everything, pictures, videos. It was not a good break up and since I didn't use Facebook much I just deleted it instead of taking hours cleaning up her mess.

[Wiseman2]

Yikes. What kind of stuff did she post? There was no way to block it or she did it before you could?

My facebook page was literally destroyed by an ex. By that I mean comments from her on literally everything, pictures, videos. It was not a good break up and since I didn't use Facebook much I just deleted it instead of taking hours cleaning up her mess.

[ManyDates]

Yikes. What kind of stuff did she post? There was no way to block it or she did it before you could?

It wasn't mean stuff, it was regular GF stuff but it was all over my page - and we did block each other, then it was just a blacked out name and the comments were all still there. I would have had to physically go through every comment from a 2-3yr relationship and delete them. I was looking for a reason to delete FB and did soon after. That was 5 years ago and I don't regret it at all.

[JaggerJim]

Your not his girlfriend! You can't ask about his photo's. And what really, does it have to do with you? [-(

[j.man]

Even if I were the type to make an album of pictures for a girlfriend, I certainly wouldn't delete it for the benefit of a woman I'd been dating for a single month.

 

Sorry if it's a bit too humbling, but you're just a blip in this guy's life. There's no reason for you to be anything more yet. In time, maybe he'll be motivated to root through and delete old stuff.

[Sportster2005]

It's one of those things people will have a variety of views and opinions. The only view and opinion that really matters is yours. We have the luxury and obligation to determine for ourselves what is, and what isn't a red flag.

 

It would be a red flag for me.

[polarseltzer]

It bothers you or it doesn't. Personally, most of my guy friends never delete photos, even after they move on from an ex; it doesn't, by itself, mean anything.

[catfeeder]

Pics of an old ex wouldn't be a problem for me, a continued friendship with her would be. I don't speak for everyone, just me, and my own private rule is that I won't involve myself with anyone who's still involved with an ex in any way, shape or form beyond shared children. I don't think it makes anyone a villain, it just signals unfinished business to me. That's okay, and I don't claim to have a say in it--I just don't want to enter that territory myself. You're 'feeling' the why not.

 

Head high.

[Capttrae]

I've got pics of 2-3 different exs on my fb, my gf has pics of a couple different exs on hers. It's fb, don't take it too seriously