Lost and need advice

[Git123]

Hi everyone, so here is my story. I am 33, and have been in a relationship with a girl for 9 years and married for 4. She is great in many aspects, and we generally get along, however the spark is definitely gone. We haven't had sex in 2 years, and I don't find her as attractive as I once did. Right after we got married, I found out she was in a relationship with another guy, and I felt devastated.she cut it off with this guy (I assume), and I chose to forgive her (not not forget), and I would say the relationship in many ways has not been the same. There are ups and downs, but generally we travel and have fun together and I was content with the general Ok-ness of the relationship. In general, she has helped make me a better person with an established career and clear cut goals and I love her for that. She is also a very unselfish person, despite what she did. It hurts me that I was the one who found out, as she didn't want to tell me.

 

2 months ago I met a girl at work, that works on another office. I didn't think anything of it, and we were just chatting for fun. The more I spoke to her, the most I realized we are super alike, love the same things, hold the same values, and generally very attracted to one another. It went from casual chatting to deep personal conversations to sexual conversations and I personally love it. I've never had his before in my life with anyone and it feels amazing. I love her personality so much. I explained to her my situation and she has morals and feels terrible but at the same time I almost feel like this is fate that we met. She feels like she could be my soul mate, even though I am not sure how much I believe in soulmates. We recently told each other we loved each other, despite only meeting once in person and never even touching. We both agreed we are insane.

 

I feel like my life would be great with her. We want the same things out of life (non-conventional), exciting, romantic, sexual, no kids. My current girl is a bit older, and wants to have kids. I don't think I am ready for that kind of life, even though at one point I thought I was.

 

So now, do I physically hang out with this new girl? I'll feel like if I don't pursue this I'll regret it my whole life, even though I feel so guilty all the time that I am unfaithful. I have a passion under me at the moment and it's killing me. What do I do?

[hrb23]

Two wrongs don't make a right.

 

You have been disrespectful by talking to this new girl in an inappropriate manner. That's where it must stop. You need to break it off with your partner of 9 years. It sounds like it isn't going anywhere good and you've just accepted it because it's there. Be up front with her and tell her your position and see what she says. You could use some time to be alone and really consider what it is you want. The space from both women will give you a better perspective and help to clear your mind and enable you to make the correct decision for your future.

[Johnson91]

Hi everyone, so here is my story. I am 33, and have been in a relationship with a girl for 9 years and married for 4. She is great in many aspects, and we generally get along, however the spark is definitely gone. We haven't had sex in 2 years, and I don't find her as attractive as I once did. Right after we got married, I found out she was in a relationship with another guy, and I felt devastated.she cut it off with this guy (I assume), and I chose to forgive her (not not forget), and I would say the relationship in many ways has not been the same. There are ups and downs, but generally we travel and have fun together and I was content with the general Ok-ness of the relationship. In general, she has helped make me a better person with an established career and clear cut goals and I love her for that. She is also a very unselfish person, despite what she did. It hurts me that I was the one who found out, as she didn't want to tell me.

 

2 months ago I met a girl at work, that works on another office. I didn't think anything of it, and we were just chatting for fun. The more I spoke to her, the most I realized we are super alike, love the same things, hold the same values, and generally very attracted to one another. It went from casual chatting to deep personal conversations to sexual conversations and I personally love it. I've never had his before in my life with anyone and it feels amazing. I love her personality so much. I explained to her my situation and she has morals and feels terrible but at the same time I almost feel like this is fate that we met. She feels like she could be my soul mate, even though I am not sure how much I believe in soulmates. We recently told each other we loved each other, despite only meeting once in person and never even touching. We both agreed we are insane.

 

I feel like my life would be great with her. We want the same things out of life (non-conventional), exciting, romantic, sexual, no kids. My current girl is a bit older, and wants to have kids. I don't think I am ready for that kind of life, even though at one point I thought I was.

 

So now, do I physically hang out with this new girl? I'll feel like if I don't pursue this I'll regret it my whole life, even though I feel so guilty all the time that I am unfaithful. I have a passion under me at the moment and it's killing me. What do I do?

It will be extremely hard for the girl of 9years but break up with her. I just hope this new girl is worth it. Hope she doesn't switch up on you and start acting crazy or something. Then you'll regret leaving the 1st girl but you new know with this thing called love

[Heart of gold]

You need to end your first relationship. You obviously haven't forgiven her and it is the elephant in the room hence why you are not intimate anymore.

Create some distance with the new one aswell. If she loves you she will respect you for it and she will wait for you.

Take some time out for yourself. Please don't stay in both and don't jump from one to another.

I think the new girl is filling the empty emotional hole that is missing from your marriage.

[hyden]

2 months ago I met a girl at work...

 

Funny how suddenly everyone can see clearly how horrible their marriages are after the above line...not before.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you are engaging in escapism from the responsibilities of marriage and your wife wanting kids.

 

What's been happening the past 4 yrs of your marriage? Most office affairs offer this: "exciting, romantic, sexual, no kids.".

We recently told each other we loved each other, despite only meeting once in person. My current girl is a bit older, and wants to have kids. I don't think I am ready for that kind of life, even though at one point I thought I was.

[Git123]

The thing is, if I needed escapism I would have done that years ago. If I was single, I would be with this new girl in an instant.

We share ALL of the same interests, can speak about anything, and I genuinely believe I can make her happy as well as she make me happy. We joke that we share a brain; which isn't too far off either.

 

 

I haven't been content the last few years with my wife and there's been subtle ups and downs, the main difference now being if there was a fight in the past, I would try to repair it. Now, I almost don't care.

 

We got intro a serious verbal fight a few weeks ago and I told her two weeks over the phone that I potentially wanted to take a break from her. Since then; she has been super kind because I think she is afraid that she is losing me for the first time.

 

I am just confused on how I should approach this, and what I am giving up here as well if I end the marriage. It's driving me a lot crazy. I don't like living a double life and feel constantly guilty.