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Would you let your girlfriend go to frat parties alone?


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Ive been seeing this girl for about 2 months, and we've been dating exclusively for a couple weeks. Everythings going great, shes always telling me how lucky she is to have met me. Just recently, she told me about a day party thats taking place in about a week. She invited me but also mentioned that i might not enjoy it because there are lots of people and its loud and theres lots of dancing involved. She told me that they bar hop, and then go from house to house and some of them are frat parties. She will be with 2 girls. one is single. the other is in a long distant relationship.

 

I am not a huge dancer and have never danced with her, and am afraid that the dancing that will take place at this day party, might be out of my experience. Therefore, i dont really want to go. I want to allow her to go alone. But when she mentioned this party last time, she said that she gets very drunk and crazy at these.. thats when i responded, "well i dont want to see you like that, so go ahead and go alone". to which she responded, " well i can control myself now, i wont drink as much as i did last time i came to this". I told her that ill see. Should i be worried?

 

I want to just tell her that if she really feels the need to go to this day rager, she can, but i dont want to be involved with someone who has the mentality of going to parties when they're in a relationship.

 

I am a huge introvert, and definitely prefer a bar over a club any day. I honestly dont think ill have fun. Ill just be going to probably watch her and be there if any guys try to hit on her. Im confused on what i should do. What would you do?

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You don't "allow" people to do anything. You're not in charge of them. Either a person is a cheater or they are not. Only time will tell, but feeling the need to be around her anytime a guy will hit on her is ridiculous. Women who are loyal know how to handle themselves in these situations. She doesn't need you to be her bodyguard.

 

If you don't want a girlfriend who regularly attends parties and gets drunk at them, then don't date one who does this. There are plenty of females who would match the lifestyle you like to lead. That's the point of dating--cutting loose the ones who are lacking in your major needs, so that you're single when the right one comes along. When you are compatible with someone, the stressful times are far fewer than when you're with someone who you don't match with.

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Hi. Don't feel bad for not wanting to go. If this girl is a big partier, you two might not be compatible. I'm an introvert like you, and I wouldn't want to date a partier. It's just not my thing. You may be happier with someone who enjoys quiet one-on-one time. If you went with her and saw her getting "drunk and crazy," it may even be a turnoff for you.

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Your first issue is your phrasing.... "let your girlfriend go...".

 

You don't control her or her actions. If guys hit on her or anything that's on her. You choosing not to go is also telling of how you feel. Parties aren't your thing which is understandable but she enjoys them.

 

Honestly it seems like you are missing out here.

 

1. She is telling YOU she gets crazy because most likely she wants you there and to have fun with her.

 

2. Seems like two different wavelengths already. You rather be in and she be out. You have to learn to either compromise or date someone who doesn't want to go out like that this stage in their life.

 

3. If you are going to watch over her then you are showing insecurity and a lack of trust.

 

You should go and have fun with her or not go and deal with the fallout afterwards.

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I didnt mean to say "let her". I agree with everyone, shes in control of herself when a guy approaches her. If i go, i should be going to have fun, not to watch her. But my last question is, should i have a talk with her about how she said " i get out of control and theres LOTS of dancing that takes place there when i go." Thats the part i think that made me insecure. Should i talk to her about that? Or just leave it at that and go with her to see what its like?

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I didnt mean to say "let her". I agree with everyone, shes in control of herself when a guy approaches her. If i go, i should be going to have fun, not to watch her. But my last question is, should i have a talk with her about how she said " i get out of control and theres LOTS of dancing that takes place there when i go." Thats the part i think that made me insecure. Should i talk to her about that? Or just leave it at that and go with her to see what its like?

 

If she invites you to go, then go if you want to. If it's not your thing, then don't. Either you trust that someone you'd pick can act like a grownup, or not. Over time you'll learn which is true, and you don't need to parent her to find that out.

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I don't dance either, so I pass on this stuff whenever my girlfriend wants to go.

 

I don't really have any qualms about it. If she's going to get drunk and cheat on you, that's going to happen regardless of what you do. People are either trustworthy or they're not, and no amount of micromanaging changes that. The only thing you can control is your approach. I choose to trust her. If she burns me then she burns me, but that's better than chasing away a woman who would have been loyal to me by trying to control her.

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Your girlfriend is going to a party. She invites you to come along. You don't want to go so she goes on her own. The only problem you have is that you don't trust her since you have to ask those questions.

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I want to just tell her that if she really feels the need to go to this day rager, she can, but i dont want to be involved with someone who has the mentality of going to parties when they're in a relationship.

 

I am a huge introvert, and definitely prefer a bar over a club any day. I honestly dont think ill have fun. Ill just be going to probably watch her and be there if any guys try to hit on her. Im confused on what i should do. What would you do?

 

I would suggest that you end it with her. I don't even drink and I find your views ultra conservative and stifling.

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I resisted this thread because of the word "let". Its up to you whether you stay with her. Its up to her what choices she makes.

 

I hope she leaves you. The entire premise of your question is insulting. She may be more risk embracing than you prefer. That is her privilege. When I went to frat parties, my friends and I kept each other in reach, in view, and in check. You'd never know from our stories about it.

 

Step off.

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I didnt mean to say "let her". I agree with everyone, shes in control of herself when a guy approaches her. If i go, i should be going to have fun, not to watch her. But my last question is, should i have a talk with her about how she said " i get out of control and theres LOTS of dancing that takes place there when i go." Thats the part i think that made me insecure. Should i talk to her about that? Or just leave it at that and go with her to see what its like?

 

Ok. I am seeing this now. Youre an introvert. She is an extrovert. Stay home. Guys will hit on her for the next 80 years. Get over it.

 

Im serious. Dear friends of mine mst in college. Married now 30 years. She is a bombshell. Tears up the dance floor. Sometimes he dances. Sometimes not. He feels no stress at all when she goes out. Why would he?

 

Look, men hit on women all the time. It is meaningless. It means nothing and is not a reflection on your gf. Either date an introvert, or get over it. Extroverts learn to deal with attention; its what we do. Most of the time, we dont even notice.

 

For goodness sakes, we can not be held responsible for the idiocy of the male behavior we encounter every day. Let go of tbis whole pattern of thinking. Go do what you want to do, take care of your moodiness that will crop uo till you learn new skills, and know and block out that she will be partying and deflexting the attention of others. So what. Its a party.

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I agree with the above post. Her behavior isn't going to change. She likes going out, she likes drinking, and she likes dancing. Either youre ok with her going alone, or you move on from her and find someone who spends their down time the same way as you. She isn't going to change her interests for you.

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