Should I take my sons father back to court?

[kparrow12]

My son is 2, my sons father, kyle, has never played a big role in my life or my son, Karsons. He never attended any of my appointments while pregnant. He's never attended any appointments of my sons either who has had various health issues. He's an alcoholic, he's abusive towards not his kids but any woman in his life. Mentally, emotionally, physically. He's a big fighter. Everything has always came before his kids. It's the life he grew up with his father is the same with his mother. Shes taken it for 40 years where I felt I or my son would not benefit from an environment like that. So I left when my son was only a week old. And the police had to get involved because he was drunk wouldn't let me leave. Kyle's never been a worker he's always lived off unemployment as long as he could or job hopped because he felt above everyone. Since than we've gone to court for custody. I'm not really sure why Kyle acts differently in front of authority but he pretends to care about himself and his kids when in front of a judge to get what he wants or prove a point to me. The judge we had believed in a "sink or swim" method. So kyle got what he wanted in court. It started with supervised visits with me there and I agreed his gf being there was ok also. He's supposed to have Karson Friday to Sunday every other weekend and on the opposite weekends he gets Karson on a week day from 10-2. He has never once taken him for his weekday visit because he feels it's a waist of time. He frequently tells me to drop him off Saturday morning instead of him taking him Friday because he "has plans" or "won't be home until late" or will take him Friday but will have me drop off to his mom or girlfriend. It's also court ordered he can't consume alcohol 24 hours prior to his visit and not during his visit and since than I've documented that he has with pictures him or his family has posted on social media. So I don't feel comfortable dropping him off there unless Kyle's there and I can see him face to face to know he's sober. I don't trust he's coming home sober. And his gf and family knows he's not supposed to drink and doesn't contact me when he does so I can't trust their supervision clearly. Our agreement states "parties are responsible for transportation and costs of transportation" so can I legally say I'm not dropping off Karson unless you're there for your visitation? He claims he doesn't need to always be there but if it's his visitation and he's not there do I have to drop Karson off there?

[Quidam]

Whats the question?? Reading you it seems crystal clear what you need to do!

 

Good luck

[Seraphim]

I would go back to court with your documentation.

[Capricorn3]

OP, are you using their real names in your post? Just giving you the heads up that it is not wise using real names as it can get traced back to you and cause you major grief. If not, no harm.

[kparrow12]

Whats the question?? Reading you it seems crystal clear what you need to do!

 

Good luck

 

Question being legally when my sons father says can u drop our son off to my mom or my gf I won't be home till late, can I say no I'm not doing that without getting in trouble?

[Seraphim]

Question being legally when my sons father says can u drop our son off to my mom or my gf I won't be home till late, can I say no I'm not doing that without getting in trouble?

 

I would really get that clarified by the court . I've never been in that situation so I don't really know . My mom was in that situation though 40 years ago. She always felt that if she didn't drop us off she would be in trouble with the court. But the truth was my dad would never have complained anyway . I would check with the court if you are really in question .

[Silverbirch]

Yes, I agree that you should get legal clarity - partly to protect yourself as well as your son. You don't know if at some point, he could turn it around saying that you dropped your son off to other people because he wasn't ready for whatever reason.

[catfeeder]

What does your lawyer advise you to do?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Abusers will often play the legal system like this. He doesn't want to pay child support plus he wants to harass you so filing for custody is a means to do so.

 

Make sure you have a good attorney and file for court ordered child support and a strict court ordered visitation schedule. Custody/visitation is a right, not a requirement. He does not have to see his child or engage in babysitting.

 

Go back to court and restrict all visitation if he is not complying with sobriety. You don't want CPS involved taking the child away from both of you.

I left when my son was only a week old. And the police had to get involved because he was drunk wouldn't let me leave. Friday to Sunday every other weekend He frequently tells me to drop him off Saturday morning instead of him taking him Friday because he "has plans'. It's also court ordered he can't consume alcohol 24 hours prior to his visit and not during his visit. I can't trust their supervision clearly.

[Coily]

Firstly make sure you keep a detailed log of every interaction you have with the father. Save any and all texts, emails, note any other communication, and not just the ones that make him look bad; you want to present a full picture of this situation not just one that could be viewed as benefiting you. It can be a bear, but a close friend of mine didn't do this at first with his ex and the court split custody; after he did the court had a better picture of what was going on and gave him full custody.

 

Definitely seek some clarification from the court. Seek out your lawyer or court advocate. Also make sure you get this advice in writing.

 

I cannot emphasize this enough, documentation is your friend. My rule of thumb on that is anything written or public knowledge is fair game for documentation.