NC is killing me :'(

[Chadz29]

So I was with my ex for a year, lived together 10 months. Had problems last 2 months, arguing, stress, I had doubts, suggested she move to her folks for a while but we'd still date. Then on the day she broke up with me plus moved out. She was also seeing another guy and I didnt think it was serious. Until the last month he's buying her things and shes sleeping at his house driving his fancy car etc. I was grumpy alot our last 2 months and was on edge alot but i was under major stress. Our relationship was good up until then. Ive tried hard for the past month before she told me to say goodbye for good, tried to get her back but its been 3 and a half months since our breakup....she told me 3 weeks ago we should say goodbye for good, this after she was mean to me on whatsapp, very cold, and said it was her bf chatting not her. But that same day I saw her and she said she still loves me etc. But im sure she was just trying to be nice. 2 weeks ago she sent me a short off happy birthday email tho saying "happy birthday hope you have a great 29th enjoy". That was all. Havent heard from her since. Im so heartbroken, I miss her and I miss us. Every time id see her we'd still kiss etc but also argue, even while she was with him. We had sex a month ago. She kept me on a string until i got fed up and made her choose. Now she's gone I dont sleep well and i cant eat properly. I hate this feeling. I miss her so so much. Im 29 shes 23. Please advice

[Keyman]

Hey dude, Sorry youa re going through this, but the pain will pass given time. We have all been through that and lived to look back. Sure, it hurts now, but everything will right itself. Right now you are feeling even more downtrodden because she is with someone else, who, by the sounds of, she cheated on with you in these last few weeks.

 

This is in the past, and she has obviously moved on, so it is time for you to do the same. You need to start thinking abot other things you can do to fill the gap and the time, and to take your mind off her. Hang out with friends, find new hobbies, anything just do stuff that will stop you from thinking about her. Yes, it is hard, but as time goes by it will be easier.

[rolf12]

My ex and I broke up 3 months today, she's 21 I'm 27. We kept contact for d 3 months, I supported her as we had argued a lot and we both took the break up badly. One of us would break the no contact every few days , we met up about six times. Since yesterday we've started no contact and I've blocked her from social media. She claims a clean break is what she needs and is hopeful we'll get back when the time is right. Her contact with me recently made me believe we were getting back. . . I need tho space from her as her hold on me was making me needy. .

[Whocares479]

So I was with my ex for a year, lived together 10 months. Had problems last 2 months, arguing, stress, I had doubts, suggested she move to her folks for a while but we'd still date. Then on the day she broke up with me plus moved out. She was also seeing another guy and I didnt think it was serious. Until the last month he's buying her things and shes sleeping at his house driving his fancy car etc. I was grumpy alot our last 2 months and was on edge alot but i was under major stress. Our relationship was good up until then. Ive tried hard for the past month before she told me to say goodbye for good, tried to get her back but its been 3 and a half months since our breakup....she told me 3 weeks ago we should say goodbye for good, this after she was mean to me on whatsapp, very cold, and said it was her bf chatting not her. But that same day I saw her and she said she still loves me etc. But im sure she was just trying to be nice. 2 weeks ago she sent me a short off happy birthday email tho saying "happy birthday hope you have a great 29th enjoy". That was all. Havent heard from her since. Im so heartbroken, I miss her and I miss us. Every time id see her we'd still kiss etc but also argue, even while she was with him. We had sex a month ago. She kept me on a string until i got fed up and made her choose. Now she's gone I dont sleep well and i cant eat properly. I hate this feeling. I miss her so so much. Im 29 shes 23. Please advice

 

When you lay with dogs, don't be mad when you catch flees. You were openly kissing, and sleeping with a woman with a boyfriend and you're upset? I know she is your ex but that does not mean she is entitled to you. Leave her alone, if she wanted you, for gods sake she would be with you. She definitely wouldn't be with someone else. Pick up your self repsect and dignity and stop allowing this. You are her back up plan and nothing good could come from steady fooling around with her. I wish you the best of luck.

[Chadz29]

She told me her and him werent dating. But I knew they were seeing eachother. And yes she was cheating on him with me. It only started bugging her the last few weeks we saw and spoke. I would never have kissed her and had sex if it was anyone else...but I wanted her back so badly and to be close to her., I saw her whatsapp status for the 17th Feb on a different number that she hid from me saying she loves him. Yet we had sex on the 16th or so because we went on a dinner date a few days after valentines day. She didnt exactly say no. She is a decent girl...we both are decent...but this whole breakup and this guy that she brought into it messed with me alot, and clearly her too.

[Wiseman2]

Just try to ignore her and her new guy. Try not to scan her social media or keep tabs. He may be the biggest idiot on the planet but all you need to know is it didn't work between you two.

 

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like too much too soon too fast. Why did she move in after only dating 2 mos? She was smart to move back to her family if neither of you could afford your own place.

 

It sounds like total incompatibility on almost all levels. Money, family, sex, religion, etc. Go no contact and delete and block her so you can focus on more important things like finding work and getting your own place. She's seeing someone so just leave this situation.

[CBC2000]

So sorry you are having to go through this, I know it can all be so hard, but you have to trust that time is the best healer. She is clearly not a good girlfriend to the other guy either because she cheated on him with you. This girl doesn't know what she wants and she does not deserve you. You really do need to go into no contact, in due time this will actually show you that you don't need to be with her at all and most importantly it will help you move on with your life.

[lovelyworld]

Hi, I was in your spot a while ago. My ex broke up with me, for months I was hung up on him. He started dating someone else, it was killing me. They were hanging out every single night, and he seemed so happy on social media. But like your ex, my ex would contact me every now and then, we met up...he told me he missed me so much and blah blah, all while seeing the other girl. After that, he told me to go for good as well. That we will never ever get back together. After I let him be, he came around again after a few weeks. By then, he has stopped talking to the other girl. My point is....to you, what your ex gf has with her new bf may seem so perfect to you, but it's probably not. Also, it's probably just the honeymoon phase. My ex was talking to this girl for 3 months. It's over now. Think about how your ex is not a good gf to her new guy. Just let her be. Let her be with him. I have wasted 5 months being hung up over my ex....and now I feel so free. Also, like you, I made my ex choose whether he wanted me in his life or not, while talking to others. You guys will probably talk again. It's not goodbye forever. But what matters is what you do during this NC....it's ok to be sad and miss them, I felt like that for months. I promise you, NC gets easier. Contacting them just hurts....shows the indifference from them. I loved my ex so much, never thought I'd get over him. I'm not even 100% over him now, but my gosh, I'm in such a good place. Time really will make you stronger. You'll start to see that they're not everything.

[Chadz29]

Hi, I was in your spot a while ago. My ex broke up with me, for months I was hung up on him. He started dating someone else, it was killing me. They were hanging out every single night, and he seemed so happy on social media. But like your ex, my ex would contact me every now and then, we met up...he told me he missed me so much and blah blah, all while seeing the other girl. After that, he told me to go for good as well. That we will never ever get back together. After I let him be, he came around again after a few weeks. By then, he has stopped talking to the other girl. My point is....to you, what your ex gf has with her new bf may seem so perfect to you, but it's probably not. Also, it's probably just the honeymoon phase. My ex was talking to this girl for 3 months. It's over now. Think about how your ex is not a good gf to her new guy. Just let her be. Let her be with him. I have wasted 5 months being hung up over my ex....and now I feel so free. Also, like you, I made my ex choose whether he wanted me in his life or not, while talking to others. You guys will probably talk again. It's not goodbye forever. But what matters is what you do during this NC....it's ok to be sad and miss them, I felt like that for months. I promise you, NC gets easier. Contacting them just hurts....shows the indifference from them. I loved my ex so much, never thought I'd get over him. I'm not even 100% over him now, but my gosh, I'm in such a good place. Time really will make you stronger. You'll start to see that they're not everything.

 

Thanks. That helps a lot. The thing is I feel so guilty for all the times I was angry with her or grumpy or took her for granted. She also did things wrong but I did it more I was just under so much stress about not having work etc I wasnt in a good place. The thing is, this guy has money and he's apparently good to her. She says he's possessive but that its nice sometimes to feel wanted. I wanted her too but people do get comfortable sometimes. He says he wants to marry her, bought her a ring already but she didnt accept it. He's bought her a new phone and fixed the dents in her car...and has his own place. I feel like the loser in all of this...we were so in love and happy and I did my best to make her happy often. Only the last 2 to 3 months were bad with my doubts etc and us arguing. I miss her I cant even concentrate on anything this guy has pulled her away from me with his money and whatever else. How can a guy want to marry a girl after 2 months??? Plus I was seeing her at times. Does this sound logical guys? We were supposed to get engaged after 6 months I also bought her a ring and she was so happy. But her mom and I got into an argument to and that seperated me from her family which made things worse (also when all my stress started). But her mom is mean and even made my ex cry sometines. Very strange and angry woman and i tolerated alot, but that day she crossed the line

[lovelyworld]

Thanks. That helps a lot. The thing is I feel so guilty for all the times I was angry with her or grumpy or took her for granted. She also did things wrong but I did it more I was just under so much stress about not having work etc I wasnt in a good place. The thing is, this guy has money and he's apparently good to her. She says he's possessive but that its nice sometimes to feel wanted. I wanted her too but people do get comfortable sometimes. He says he wants to marry her, bought her a ring already but she didnt accept it. He's bought her a new phone and fixed the dents in her car...and has his own place. I feel like the loser in all of this...we were so in love and happy and I did my best to make her happy often. Only the last 2 to 3 months were bad with my doubts etc and us arguing. I miss her I cant even concentrate on anything this guy has pulled her away from me with his money and whatever else. How can a guy want to marry a girl after 2 months??? Plus I was seeing her at times. Does this sound logical guys? We were supposed to get engaged after 6 months I also bought her a ring and she was so happy. But her mom and I got into an argument to and that seperated me from her family which made things worse (also when all my stress started). But her mom is mean and even made my ex cry sometines. Very strange and angry woman and i tolerated alot, but that day she crossed the line

 

Your story is similar to mine. With my ex, it was on and off...during one of the breakups, I met another guy from my culture and he wanted to marry me too. Thought he was perfect....he was already telling me we'd buy a lakehouse together and he just seemed so serious about us, but I was still in love with my ex. Still stayed with the guy because I thought he was a good guy to me. However, I never felt connected emotionally...so it ended. Got back with ex then.

Your ex girlfriend is not going to forget the love she had for you just because she met a new guy who provides everything for her. But only way to make her want you again is to let her be. When she feels the absence of you is when she'll miss you more. You have tried. You have talked to her. You've done what you can. With my ex, every time I finally accepted the situation for it was and finally let go is the time he decided to come back. This guy may seem perfect in your eyes just because he provides financial stability to her, but it's not everything. And if she's falling for all of that only, then she's not one to be with. Also, as more time goes on without contact, the higher the chance of the negative memories from the last 2 or 3 months of the relationship will start to diminish. She'll start to think of the good times because most of your relationship with her was probably good. It's ok you were under stress. It's ok. Don't blame yourself. Only thing you can do right now is to work on yourself....maybe you took her for granted, maybe you didn't. If it's meant to be, it will work out in the end. The fact that she's seen you while she was with him should tell you the new guy is not everything to her. But you have to let her be, let her be with the new guy. I can't stress this enough. The moment you let them feel your absence is when you'll get your answer. But I promise, you won't regret NC. You have to accept it's over, despite how hard it is.

[Chadz29]

Your story is similar to mine. With my ex, it was on and off...during one of the breakups, I met another guy from my culture and he wanted to marry me too. Thought he was perfect....he was already telling me we'd buy a lakehouse together and he just seemed so serious about us, but I was still in love with my ex. Still stayed with the guy because I thought he was a good guy to me. However, I never felt connected emotionally...so it ended. Got back with ex then.

Your ex girlfriend is not going to forget the love she had for you just because she met a new guy who provides everything for her. But only way to make her want you again is to let her be. When she feels the absence of you is when she'll miss you more. You have tried. You have talked to her. You've done what you can. With my ex, every time I finally accepted the situation for it was and finally let go is the time he decided to come back. This guy may seem perfect in your eyes just because he provides financial stability to her, but it's not everything. And if she's falling for all of that only, then she's not one to be with. Also, as more time goes on without contact, the higher the chance of the negative memories from the last 2 or 3 months of the relationship will start to diminish. She'll start to think of the good times because most of your relationship with her was probably good. It's ok you were under stress. It's ok. Don't blame yourself. Only thing you can do right now is to work on yourself....maybe you took her for granted, maybe you didn't. If it's meant to be, it will work out in the end. The fact that she's seen you while she was with him should tell you the new guy is not everything to her. But you have to let her be, let her be with the new guy. I can't stress this enough. The moment you let them feel your absence is when you'll get your answer. But I promise, you won't regret NC. You have to accept it's over, despite how hard it is.

 

Its definitely a similar situation to yours. Only thing is she said on whatsapp she isnt sure she still loves me anymore...she was mean and cold. That day I told her her new relationship wont work. And that maybe upset her. She became very mean and sarcastic with me on whasapp and then vanished. I called her upset the next day and she said straight its a good idea to say goodbye, and that it was her bf on whatsapp. But who knows if thats even true. She turned into a real nasty person within the last 3 weeks of us talking. I was pressuring her to make a choice. Yet she already chose him when she started messing with him. I could tell she wanted me in her life still but as a backup plan maybe or a friend. I dont do that krap. I dont do friendships after breakups. Either she wants me or not. So now she's ended it completely. She must go be with him. Im tired of hurting and crying over someone who doesnt want me. And now that I think back, she was very insecure. Nothing I did or said was enough to convince her I loved and cared for her. And i became a very affectionate person since I met her. I gave her lots of love and it still wasnt enough. I wasnt the most romantic of guys but I did love her and gave her love. Only the last 2 to 3 months did i start giving up out of exhaustion and stress. I doubted if we should still be together. And she played a role in that too. I know I need to move on...its just hard right now. I love her and miss her alot...I just want it to stop. I doubt she will ever contact me again...but who knows. She clearly wants it to work with this guy otherwise she would have left him already. And she said she loves him which shattered me to pieces.