Struggling to let go

[Wolfboy702]

There's a girl I've known (or used to) for a few years, we've never really been close, more like friends of friends until around 2-3 years ago when I started noticing that I "liked" her. Just physical attraction at first and I payed it no mind but over time it got more intense and moved into the infatuation stage. I won't call it love because I'm not even sure I know her well enough for that but I was thinking about her all the time and whenever I spent any time with her it was like a drug (I know, it technically is) and I would be nothing but happy for the rest of the day. Eventually I manned up and told her I liked her (nothing over the top as far as I can tell) and she said she didn't see me that way and that was that.

 

The feelings didn't go away though and as much as I try telling myself she isn't interested I can't help but hope. I tried just moving on and making peace with it but after a year-ish the ups and downs of seeing her and not being with her got too much and I decided to just cut her out of my life, last year on the 5th of May was the last day I saw her. Since then I've still been plagued with the same problems, just wanting to be with her and hoping and blah blah blah, general melancholy and it's making me very nervous about getting into any kind of relationship. Around February this year I thought it getting better but then a friend mentioned her boyfriend (those exact words, nothing more) and I'm back to square 4 of 306, feeling just as bad as ever.

 

Please don't do the cheap cop-out and say It will get better over time, I've had plenty of issues in life and not one of them got better with time, I had to work hard to overcome them. The issue here is I'm not sure what else to do, I've tried the accept it and continue on route, I've tried isolation, tried telling myself a million different times and ways that she's not interested and it's never going to happen but here I am looking for help on the internet.

 

Any suggestions?

[Wiseman2]

Have you considered meeting new women. Even though your mind is still on her eventually seeing some pretty faces may put things in perspective that there is more than one ideal woman out there.

[Wolfboy702]

I'm not exactly a go out and make new friends kind of guy and there are several issues I have in regards to meeting people that I wont go into. The real issue is I'm afraid of being unable to shake her and hurting other people in the process, which is making it hard for me to justify looking at other romantic options.

[thePuma]

When I was finishing high school I had an infatuation like that, it was so intense that when I finally grasped the fact that she was never going to be with me I lost most interest in life.

 

15 years have passed. She's now married and has two kids, but every time I see her, I feel a mix of "what could it have been?" vs "not you again, I hate you for making me unhappy!".

 

I'm also married to another woman and have a kid of my onw. But that infatuation never went totally away. I got busy, moved on with life, got myself in bigger problems... but it never went totally away... it's like a curse.

 

What I can tell you that "sort" of works is: keep doing what you have done, avoid her and her friends at all costs for a few years. You'll find yourself thinking less and less about her untill you find something else that can sort of replace her...