I'm so Confused and I don't know if I'm Imagining it

[AQuietHope]

So on January 11th my now ex broke up with me, 2 days after I got back to our college campus and back to the room we shared.

 

Just the night before he told me he loved me, kissed me, and told me he would come to bed soon. He didn't. I woke up the next morning and went into the space that was officially his room (we lived in an apartment style dorm with 2 other people who we were friends with) and I asked him what was wrong and he said that he "thought he wanted to break up with me". Obviously, I was upset and started crying right away. At first he didn't even say that he wanted to break up, he gave me an excuse about not wanting to wake me up because I had a meeting with my adviser the next day, though this obviously wasn't a concern for him since he was fine with breaking my heart right before. He only said it when I said that I wouldn't have minded and probably wouldn't have even woken up. The reason he gave for the break up was not feeling the same way anymore but still caring about me which if you ask me is a bunch of bull, cause he didn't act like he cared about me as a friend.

 

Prior to this, on tuesday, the last full day I had with him he had been acting weird and kind of pushing me away and I was confused but I thought it was related to something else. Over the break, he had been very hard to talk to, he was sleeping all day, dropping out of things that he loved, and not taking care of himself. I had been worried that he was depressed and so I had been texting him even more because I wanted to be there for him but I guess it just bugged him, which hurt, because I told him to tell me if I was annoying him and he said I wasn't.

 

So he broke up and after a few days offered to move out but, with my stupid heart taking control, I said no, we could try to be friends, even though I had cried everyday and he saw me and heard me and didn't do anything.

What was weird was that he was ok with hugging me after the breakup and even offered to kiss me right after, which felt like a smack to the face. He was ok with doing things like watching Firefly with me, since we had started watching it before the break and hadn't finished it yet.

 

After a few weeks of this, I started breaking down, yelling at him, telling him he was going to die alone and I felt awful as soon as I said it and I was crying as I said it and I apologized and I know it was an awful thing to do but I was so hurt because he didn't seem hurt by any of this. He started locking his room, even when he just stepped out into the common space to use the bathroom and it really hurt because it felt like he was flaunting it that he didn't trust me. On thursday the 9th of feburary I told him to move out or I would end up hating him and he asked me what was going on, not understanding why I was still hurting and couldn't be around him. The next day he moved out, and I had to ask my roommate to get him to talk to me and he said the only was he would talk to me was if she was in the room. So I did that, and I told him I still loved him (stupid, I know) and I wanted to be friends and he said he didn't know if he could be. That was the last day I talked to him.

 

A few days later I deleted him off Steam, Facebook, and deleted his number and his mom's number (who texted me a few times after the breakup). He was following me on Spotify before and he hasn't unfollowed me and what's weirder is that he started following someone else with my normal gamertag on Spotify a few weeks later, and this was definitely new, he knew it wasn't me, and he knew my gamertag as well, he asked why I always used the same one so I know he knows it.

 

I passed by him like 5 weeks ago and he said hi and I responded with hi but no smile and kept walking. Before that he had waved at me but I didn't do anything but I was smiling so he might have thought it was directed at him.

 

I don't know why he says hi to me or still follows me and spotify and has my playlist downloaded- he got all of our mutual friends to pick sides even though I didn't want to get anyone else involved because I didn't want to be responsible for causing strife in the group. They even stopped hanging out with my roommates who they were friends with, but this kind of thing had been happening for a while anyways.

 

Anyways, he now lives right under me (which sucks). Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm hoping him or his mom will text me then. I had been doing ok but then I saw him today as I was running out, I don't know if he saw me though, or recognized me since I dyed my hair from blue to fuschia.

 

I'm just so confused because he doesn't seem to be hurting at all and then he does things like the Spotify thing, and says hi to me, and when I went to this party at my campus called KYC (kiss your crush, you don't have to kiss people though), he walked by and looked back at me. I left after that because I was upset but apparently he came back later but wasn't kissing anyone. I don't know if he was looking for me or not. He even still has my spotify playlist download which is just saved under my name so it should hurt him to see it.

 

His family all loved, they actually flew out to Colorado over the summer to go to a wedding they weren't going to go to at first so they could all see me and meet my family and they all got along really well- which was shocking since they're all libertarian and my family is VERY liberal. His mom would text me all the time and she even dyed my hair for me and bought the dye and his dad would call me Sagebrush and they had me come over for thanksgiving and fall break and his mom was talking like we were going to get married someday, and he was the only person I ever thought I might want to marry and he joked about being my trophy husband. We were together for a little over a year and had been living together for a little over 6 months. He's currently 18.5 (birthday this summer) and as of tomorrow I'll be 20. I'm hoping that he just got gigs or a fear of commitment (this was his first really serious relationship, all the previous ones lasted only a few months).

 

Every time I feel like I'm doing ok something happens. I see him, or he does something like the spotify thing, which my stupid over-analytical brain turns into some message from him trying to get me to contact him.

 

TL;DR- boyfriend dumped me after saying I love you, said he didn't feel the same way anymore, and had been doing things that have been causing me confusion.

 

Can someone tell me if it seems like he'll try to contact me at some point? Just contact, not even want to get back together. I don't know what's going on, and it's been about 9 weeks no contact now.

[AQuietHope]

Also, I don't know if this is relevant but his friend who he is now rooming with either broke up with or was dumped by his girlfriend, and she actually took time off from school for mental health reasons afterwards and is now reaching out to one of my roommates. Also, I don't know if they all hang out anymore, I think their group fractured after a while, partially because my ex dumped me and then later because of the other 2 breaking up.

It's also complicated cause the guy he's rooming with now apparently used to have a thing to me according to my roommate, as did some other people in the group. I was oblivious to this and didn't know until she told me and I didn't even know that my ex was into me at first until he tried to kiss me. Point is, the guy he's rooming with got really bitter and harsh to me after I started dating my now ex, so I kind of get the feeling this friend might have encouraged him a bit, possibly because they were having issues of their own with their girlfriend. This guy also said that he didn't think my ex and I would last long, so he really was not supportive of us dating and I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

[AQuietHope]

So at this point I think this thread is more just for me to talk it out to myself though if anyone has advice I'll take it...

 

I'm doing better I'm still in no contact. But last weekend, when my dad was in town there was an event, somewhat. We had been using my grandma's mini cooper, it's red and a convertible and it's great. Point is, I walked out to the parking lot to meet my dad and guess who was hanging around the parking lot.... my ex. I don't think he was waiting for me or anything. I acted like I didn't see him at all and I showed no reaction to him being there and after driving off in the convertible with music blasting (very satisfying, almost felt like a scene from a movie) my dad said that my ex looked annoyed... and in his opinion it was only a little of "how dare she enter a public space" and was more, "why isn't she paying attention to me????" I think the fact that I appear to have moved on might have gotten on his nerves.

 

Prior to that, like a week or so before, there was an event in my dorm which I went to and I was sure he wouldn't go to but he was there. I didn't look up at him at all or show any reaction to him, but I didn't even see what his reaction was.

 

In addition, he said hi to one of my roommates, which is weird cause he doesn't say hi first and he also treated her like because she was my friend. My other roommate was really hurt by the way his whole group treated us though- as in sobbing when they said hi like they did nothing wrong- and so roommate #1 said she wouldn't be saying hi if they said hi anymore. I don't know if he's trying to find out about me since I've been staying low profile or if he wants something from her- I honestly doubt he wants to be friends with her though, he was never friendly to her and honestly he mainly only hangs out with people who he sees as useful.... I know, not a great guy and not healthy for me to be around, but I'm trying to work on myself and have been building my self esteem.

 

My roommates mom thinks that he'll probably be in touch at some point, I'm still kinda hoping she's right about it.

 

At this point I'll be fine either way, I've been working out, and, though I was already fit prior to the breakup, I've lost 10-15 pounds (Actually getting nervous, I really don't want to become underweight) and I'm working on actually building muscle. I won a starwars costume contest a few days ago (r2d2 dress and heelys, the ultimate combo!!!) I've been teaching myself guitar and people- grandparents, dad, friends, random people- have commented that I look happier lately, and more like myself.

 

As of the 11th of may I think it will have been exactly 90 days of no contact. Kinda weird.

 

If someone is reading this at the start of a breakup, I can't tell you if they'll come back or not, but I can tell you that it's ok to cut contact with them. You've been hurt, you're a person too, and you're emotions are valid and trying to be friends with someone who hurt you is difficult and sometimes not for the best, at least not at first.

 

No contact will get easier, I promise. Just try to find something to do, and hang out with friends. Even if you're just laying in bed keep your mind occupied- listen to a bunch of podcasts! I'd personally suggest Welcome to Nightvale, the Dollop, the Black Tapes, the Bright Sessions, Ars Paradoxica..... I could go on, if you need a suggestion for a podcast let me know what you typically like in this thread and I'll see if I have any suggestions.

 

It's ok if you aren't always smiling and happy, and screw anyone who expects you to be completely over it in a few months- celebrate the little steps and don't punish yourself when you need to take a moment to cry. Just don't let the sad moments become your whole life.

 

I still have my periods of anxiety and wondering if he'll come back at some point, but I'm not waiting for it. I'll just try to take what I've learned from this and if he tries to come back then I'll handle it from there.

[AQuietHope]

So I've been going through some stress it's been making me ruminate on things.... darn you anxiety.

 

The thing I'm currently dwelling on at the moment is that my ex stares at me a lot, and normally from a distance. I've been walking across the big lawn of my campus and I've caught him looking at me from a long ways away, and he would definitely recognize me, I have really bright hair in a unnatural color right now. It's also obvious he's looking at ME, not something else, because even though he's walking in one direction he turns his head entirely to track me and in the early days of all this h**l he would look at me when walking away. I would catch him doing this and my friends would also point it out.

 

The instance that rises to mind the most is the most recent....

 

I had gone out to get food with some friends after a really bad day and when we got back to campus we were standing in front of the big dining/mail/student center area. We have a small campus and you kind of have to pass by this place to get anywhere. Any ways, we were standing there talking and my ty ex appeared. He looked like he was walking to where his friends (who where in the whole group of mutual friends he made pick sides) live. However, he changed course and headed towards me and at the last minute went into the building. He stared at me the whole time. Of course, my friends did throw some glares his way, and these were people who had never met him but saw how much he had hurt me and disliked him so maybe he noticed that.

 

Normally I would leave it to that but then he somehow got back to the building he lives in.... his room is still right below mine.....ugh.... and then came out again with his friend who had also broken up recently and they walked the same way he had taken before over to the place his awful friends live. Then a few minutes later they (him and that awful group) walked past the building and my friends and I retreated inside before they got near us.

 

I feel like he should have avoided me, and it felt like he was looking for excuses to pass by almost, normally when he goes off campus he stops by the building to check his mail then, meaning he wouldn't have had to loop back that extra time.

 

I'm mostly over it but I'm the type of person who likes to prepare for every scenario (anxiety yay) so I want to prepare for this. Can someone help? Do you think he's playing weird mind games? Wants to see me? Is he trying to get me to approach him first? Cause that's not gonna happen ever.

 

I just want something to change. Either he needs to disappear from my life completely or he needs to address this. This just felt like he was trying to get me to notice him and I hate it.

 

Please just give me some input on this.

[Brokenheartedm]

hey there,

Your ex sorta kinda sounds like mine and my exes relationship the marriage talk we basically lived together we slept together every night LITERALLY, we broke up just 3 days before you guys did, and ever since she has been doing some crazy stuff, she joined MY fire department after saying girl firman are gross hmm?? her dad was a fireman and died 4 years ago and tells people she's doing it for him ya okay. she checked in on me a few times to this day still bashes me? nc for 3months now, she recently told my friend she wanted to tell me a kitten we got together had kittens but I treated her as if she wasn't there maybe to break ice? but sounds like your ex is always there just like my ex not wanting us to get over them!! she's been on dates but no bf yet, and her bashing allows me to believe she is still hurt. (buddy had a party but my ex didn't wanna go with a fear of seeing me I was out of town) but yes he is always where u are which allows me to believe he is missing you he Is doing odd stuff (does he have a tracker on your phone LOL?) but he is always there he is certainly keeping an eye on you!!!

[AQuietHope]

Oh man, that sounds tough, and almost verging on harassment. I am so sorry about that.

 

About my ex, I spoke to one of my friends, she lives with me and has been helping me since day 1, and she says that she feels like he went to get back up and wants to hurt me and get a reaction. I wouldn't be surprised- a while ago someone flipped my bike over and she thinks they might have done that to try to get a reaction out of me. They are really really petty so it wouldn't be out of character- my ex once LITERALLY ran away from someone he didn't like at full speed. Not even exaggerating. Ugh.

 

This guy also used to stand by when these "friends" would make fun of me and looking back, I think he was gaslighting me. I told him that I felt I wasn't welcome around them, or that I felt they were mad at me, and he would always tell me they did want me around or weren't mad even though he was apparently there when they were trash talking me. Awful. Then again, that whole group of people did that.... I think it was a bit of an abusive relationship with all of them.

 

It really sounds to me like you should avoid this ex of yours though- can you maybe talk to whoever is in charge of you firehouse or something? It sounds like harassment and almost like stalking which are serious issues. At the very least they may be able to change when she comes in for work.... it might be better for your mental health.

 

Best of luck! I'll try to update this over time, my friend says she thinks he'll talk to me at some point to try to get something from me, not necessarily to get back together, maybe just to try to hurt me. I wouldn't be surprised sadly.

 

Either way, I've determined that if he tries to talk to me, even if it's out in public I'm texting my friend to meet me there because I really don't trust him... I'm also going to be ready to use my voice recorder on my phone just in case, this group has kind of harassed people they didn't like in the past and would start yelling at people in public for no reason. I feel sick thinking about how I ever used to hang out with them, and I know that I didn't act my best when with them, I've been trying to be a better person since then but I still feel so ashamed of how I acted. I didn't do anything like yell at people but I did stand aside while they mocked people and I feel like a monster for that.

[Brokenheartedm]

Best of luck! It sounds like you have a stalker!!! I am sure you guys will talk again at some point. I kinda like the feeling it shows she still cares, i kind of want her back but idk i miss her like crazy our time together was great maybe a little rushed, we acted as a married couple but she was 100% sure she was marrying me and she told that to everyone

[marie0906]

I think you need to let go and move on. Your ex clearly does not want to be with you romantically, but may still want your friendship. He may be testing the waters to see if that's something you can handle. As far as Spotify goes....he's a guy and doesn't care what you're listening to. I don't mean to be blunt, but I used to be a lot like you and come up with all these different scenarios and ideas in my mind. It's not mentally healthy and becomes emotionally draining.

[Brokenheartedm]

Id disagree marie why than is he always where she is? I am a guy and miss my ex dearly i guess i am one of kind never thought of cheating and was loyal and loved her so much unlike many guys

[marie0906]

Id disagree marie why than is he always where she is? I am a guy and miss my ex dearly i guess i am one of kind never thought of cheating and was loyal and loved her so much unlike many guys

 

Because they go to the same school and seem to have the same inner circle of friends. They also seemed to be close to each other's family. It is sometimes hard to break away from an ex because of that, but that doesn't mean he wants to be with her. If he did, he'd be with her. Humans have an interesting way of comforting themselves when they go through hard situations. One of those ways is imagining how someone MIGHT feel and thinking of what MIGHT happen. The truth is, actions speak louder than words (or the thoughts and desires you have in your head.)

[Brokenheartedm]

True but i mean picking up her food etc etc me and my ex share the same friends, she joined my fire dep after breaku up explain that noone forced her she checks in on me and wanted to tell me about "our" cat as she still calls it half mine that its pregnant

[marie0906]

Also...instinctually, we NEVER want an ex to be happier with someone else, and we feel the need to know what's going on in their lives. It is a normal reaction. But the relationship ended for a reason and it is best to acknowledge that reason and move on.

[marie0906]

True but i mean picking up her food etc etc me and my ex share the same friends, she joined my fire dep after breaku up explain that noone forced her she checks in on me and wanted to tell me about "our" cat as she still calls it half mine that its pregnant

 

I'm married and I still communicate with my ex because of "our" dog. And I do still care for him, but not in that way. Was your ex ever possessive? It is my guess she joined to keep an eye on you and to see if you move on. She wants you in her life but not as her only boyfriend. It is a selfish thing to do. Fact of the matter is, there may be several reason why an ex is intentionally coming back into your life...but if they wanted to be with you, they'd be with you.

[marie0906]

Also, she wanted him to "disappear from her life completely or stop playing mind games" with her. He lives below her. I went to college and broke up with my ex. We both lived on opposite sides of a huge campus and STILL ran into each other quite frequently. You cannot get upset with him or think he's playing mind games. He's just trying to clearly live his life, and to have your friends, people he doesn't know, give him dirty looks probably makes him feel uncomfortable and weird. He seems to be trying to be civil with you...I would give him the same respect.

[Brokenheartedm]

Kinda sorta yes we slept in same bed the full 5 months cause she couldnt sleep without me we were very jealous of eachother she always said she was afraid id leave her after breakup she was hestiant to get back with me and pushed me away cause she didnt want to be that girl so idk if thats why she joined so later down road we get back when every one forgets

[marie0906]

Kinda sorta yes we slept in same bed the full 5 months cause she couldnt sleep without me we were very jealous of eachother she always said she was afraid id leave her after breakup she was hestiant to get back with me and pushed me away cause she didnt want to be that girl so idk if thats why she joined so later down road we get back when every one forgets

 

She was afraid you'd leave her after breakup? What does that mean? She sounds like she doesn't want you to be with anyone else. And the reasoning of why she joined and how she doesn't want to be that that girl and is waiting down the road to get back with you..do you really want to be with someone like that? Sometimes people break up and get back together...but then sometimes people act immature, selfish, unreasonable. Cut her loose! She sounds like a child.

[Brokenheartedm]

She was afraid to lose me during the relationship there was times shed feel i was losing interest in her and i wont lie there was, times she would not listen to my feelings and consisnently having to argue to prove my points all points were later stated as true accusations such as he liked u her coworker was trying to snatch her from me and he WAS!!!! She never cheated and never had time cause we WERE always together she went to school and there was days i went to school with her and after wed be together mon-sunday. It was just the fact she didnt listen and id never put her thru that i only wanted her to this day i still only see myself with her ik ik im an idiot. I saw her today at our fireman meeting and ill miss her up to point of seeing her once i see i feel with anger. I just dont understand how she can go to my friends upset for treating her as if she doesnt exist when she bashed me al over social media telling everyone i was abusive! Meanwhile durig arugements shed hit me and if anything id just tame her and grab her arms and tell her to stop! I tried to make things right in feburary and i was "suffering the consquences" after our break up we spent the whole week after together having sex making out but shed never get back with me cause she cared what her coworkers thought and they only saw the bad in me meanehile they have no idea some of the bs she put me thru. Such as her mom calling me one day drunk telling me i was a lazy pos that never did anything for my ex HA!!! I fixed the mothers car i drove her to the airport numerous times in my own vechicle, never asked for a dime! She claimed she always spent money on me which she did but i always aruged to allow me to buy the 3 of us dinner or allow me to pay for me and my ex while away with them twice!!!! I never ever asked for money i always had my own, i was struggling a little bit from losing my job to become a fireman 3 months of training, but i always did small jobs to have cash to go out to eat with my ex and we still did things and noone ever realized we were struggling. She and her mom caused me so much stress my friends realized i was starting to lose ! I was so upset that her mom flipped on me even as friends i tried to help her widow mother anyway i could!!! She always told me how much i reminded her of her kate husband and blah blah blah, cause of this i was shocked and called my buddy in a different state which upset my ex so she drove all the way to her brothers 3 hours away at 1am so i stayed up all night making sure she got there okay, we had broken up for alittle while during this time because " i did not care for her and comfort her" heck i was put thru so much bs i truly wonder what and what i miss of her, we did have our good times. A few weeks later i had brought my ex food it was alittle cold when she got it so she freaked out o went to leave and she pushed me into door and it slammed the mother came out from her room and i just left balling my eyes out, the mother than called me and i stated i was not trying to fight with ur daighter and i never do i dont want u thinking im in ur house slamming doors she pushed me, my ex heard and than walked around her yard and neighborhood threatening to kill herself, i simpy just did not wanna stay there and cause of that she pulled this!! So this is where the whole abusive comes to play weeks later i try to be the good bf get us lunch its just a relaxing day, and of course the sandwhich deli screws her order up shes like i am not eating it ill just have my mom get me food, i insisted in giving her mine and she refused, rembering her freaking out when i brought her dinner home and her mad cause it was "cold" i got up and flung both sandwhiches out side swearing this and that tellin her i can never do anything nice for her without her complaining, i had so much anger and sadness built up between the mom freaking out on me and never making her happy i lost it, she than kicked me out of my house she pushed me out and my soda can apparently hit her hand and broke a bone, idek how that can happened but she SWEARS i did, i never laid a hand on this girl i wanted to marry her and she told everyone she was going to marry me. But at the end of the day she hurt me so much with this petty crap it really makes no sense on why she joined the department to get close to me again, or how she can go to my friends to check on me and tell them she upset that act as if she doesnt exist, how easy she forgot all the bs she put me thru

[AQuietHope]

Because they go to the same school and seem to have the same inner circle of friends. They also seemed to be close to each other's family. It is sometimes hard to break away from an ex because of that, but that doesn't mean he wants to be with her. If he did, he'd be with her. Humans have an interesting way of comforting themselves when they go through hard situations. One of those ways is imagining how someone MIGHT feel and thinking of what MIGHT happen. The truth is, actions speak louder than words (or the thoughts and desires you have in your head.)

 

Just quickly to address some point in this- we used to have the same group of friends but he encouraged a split in that group, resulting in me being booted out along with my two roommate. An while we do live on a small campus, he is generally the type of person to avoid people he doesn't like- in this case, he seemed to go the way where he had seen me last. I don't think he wants me back though, I think he's annoyed that I haven't been showing any reaction to him in public. He is the type of person who loves attention and playing the victim. At this point, I think he merely walked by me with the people who were supposedly my friends to try to get a reaction from me or intimidate me or something.

 

I have been trying to move on and for the most part I believe I have but it's difficult when he does things like this, lives right below me, and obviously stares at me.

 

I don't think he wants me back- I think he just wants to believe that I stopped being happy forever when he left and he likes having this sense of power or control.

 

Right after the breakup, my roommates actually talked to him and told him to move out- I just learned this last night. He said he didn't want to because he wanted to be "friends" (though I don't see how purposely doing things you know hurts someone is being a friend) and the only times he does anything to get a reaction from me is when I do something to show I'm moving on- deleting him from social media, not reacting to him, and so on. He's very self centered, and likes people when they're useful to him. This is the guy who was willing to still eat food I made after dumping me in a cowardly way.

 

Anyways, sorry for the long response, important thing is we don't have the same circle of friends, he did everything to ensure that was no longer the case. It is a small campus but he would have been able to avoid going by me very easily. I think he just likes having power.

[AQuietHope]

Also, she wanted him to "disappear from her life completely or stop playing mind games" with her. He lives below her. I went to college and broke up with my ex. We both lived on opposite sides of a huge campus and STILL ran into each other quite frequently. You cannot get upset with him or think he's playing mind games. He's just trying to clearly live his life, and to have your friends, people he doesn't know, give him dirty looks probably makes him feel uncomfortable and weird. He seems to be trying to be civil with you...I would give him the same respect.

 

To be honest, he never made any attempt to be civil with me. His group all glares at me when I walk by and all openly made fun of me throughout our relationship and he would stand by while they did it. Recently, someone flipped my bike upside down, in a very purposeful way, and it was just my bike in a sea of others, and my roommate heard that his group had done it, which is harassment. It doesn't matter if he was involved in it, he most likely knew that they did it and didn't care. These people have also laughed and pointed whenever some of my friends happened to be in the same place as them, showing that he was most likely mocking my friends and myself, and at the very least standing by while they did so which was something he did while dating me.

 

I would like to say that he's just trying to live his life but he should have moved somewhere else- it's very difficult to get dorms in my building, and if he was at all decent or cared about my feelings he would have moved to a different part of campus. Also, it might sound like he was already living there- he wasn't. He had previously been living with me and then moved into there after the fact. At the very least he could have moved into the room that opened that was on the other side of the dorm building, but instead he chose to live right below me after all of this. That's not coincidence, that's an attempt to still exercise influence.

 

In addition, he's really not a good person in general. While dating me, he copied some of my work for a class we were in together, even though I told him not to, and turned it in as his own. When I told him that the professor thought that I was the one who cheated, he started pushing me away even more. That is not something a civil person would do.

 

He's not civil, and he deserves no respect. He made my friends who stood by me cry and took away their friends and community because he knew they were close to me. He made my friends who have been through all of this with me sob and that is unforgivable for me. Even if it's not intentional, it shows a lack of self reflection or awareness to not understand how his actions impacted them.

 

He's not civil. He's a child who is seeking attention and tries to provoke a reaction whenever he thinks I'm moving on.

[marie0906]

To be honest, he never made any attempt to be civil with me. His group all glares at me when I walk by and all openly made fun of me throughout our relationship and he would stand by while they did it. Recently, someone flipped my bike upside down, in a very purposeful way, and it was just my bike in a sea of others, and my roommate heard that his group had done it, which is harassment. It doesn't matter if he was involved in it, he most likely knew that they did it and didn't care. These people have also laughed and pointed whenever some of my friends happened to be in the same place as them, showing that he was most likely mocking my friends and myself, and at the very least standing by while they did so which was something he did while dating me.

 

I would like to say that he's just trying to live his life but he should have moved somewhere else- it's very difficult to get dorms in my building, and if he was at all decent or cared about my feelings he would have moved to a different part of campus. Also, it might sound like he was already living there- he wasn't. He had previously been living with me and then moved into there after the fact. At the very least he could have moved into the room that opened that was on the other side of the dorm building, but instead he chose to live right below me after all of this. That's not coincidence, that's an attempt to still exercise influence.

 

In addition, he's really not a good person in general. While dating me, he copied some of my work for a class we were in together, even though I told him not to, and turned it in as his own. When I told him that the professor thought that I was the one who cheated, he started pushing me away even more. That is not something a civil person would do.

 

He's not civil, and he deserves no respect. He made my friends who stood by me cry and took away their friends and community because he knew they were close to me. He made my friends who have been through all of this with me sob and that is unforgivable for me. Even if it's not intentional, it shows a lack of self reflection or awareness to not understand how his actions impacted them.

 

He's not civil. He's a child who is seeking attention and tries to provoke a reaction whenever he thinks I'm moving on.

 

So if he's such a horrible person, why do you care if he contacts you again? Why would you even want this person in your life? It seems you both need to do a lot of growing and maturing. Take time for yourself and focus on YOU. Don't let his or his friends get under your skin. Trust me - you do NOT want a guy to get to you during your college years. It will mess up your experience, possibly your grades, and relationships with others. I've been there, done that, and I STILL regret it (8 years later.) Just enjoy your time there, and stop thinking of him and giving him the time of day.