He left me

[Deniselove1982]

My boyfriend of 9 months left me. I had been hurt before and tried to be cautious. But I really thought he was the one this time. I opened my heart up and put 100% into this. There were a lot of red flags that I was ignoring. He said he loved me very early, I moved in with him the first month, etc... We were very happy at the beginning but started to argue a lot. This last month I could see some changes, but a lot had been going on in his life and he was starting to become depressed. I never realized part of it was me. I came home from work on his birthday and he was gone. He didn't come home until I packed up and left. I did go back 2 days later to make him face me and break it off the right way. To my face. He cried and said he didn't know why I love him, that he didn't want to hurt me or do me wrong. He pointed out all the things that he couldn't handle anymore. He said he would still contact me but needed time. He did that night. But the texts were very misleading. He said for me not to let anyone get in my head, that everything will fall into place, and that he was so sorry and not to give up on him. I said I love you, he said I love you back, and then now he really won't respond to any texts. He will send one late at night saying... please get some rest, I'll call you tomorrow. Then he never calls. Why send hope when it's clear it's over? I know he feels guilty. I know this. But don't continue to say things that he does that would lead me to believe we still have a chance. It's just cruel.

[Wiseman2]

Why did he breakup? What were the arguments about?

 

Agree it was way too much too soon too fast. Why did you move in after dating 4 weeks? Was there a financial problem?

 

It sounds like he was trying to soften the blow did he evict you? Go no contact.

There were a lot of red flags that I was ignoring. I moved in with him the first month, etc...He didn't come home until I packed up and left. He will send one late at night saying... please get some rest, I'll call you tomorrow. Then he never calls.

[Deniselove1982]

I was living with my ex and mom in a house we had all leased together. Ex and I were not together. So I moved in with him so there would be no trust issues. But the fights were always about my ex. He knew about him from the beginning. Said it was fine. But it bothered him over time. I have kids with my ex. And he didn't want me around him at all. He didn't evict me. I just left because he never came home. I think he was trying to soften the blow as well. But saying please don't give up on me and don't let anyone get into my head... seems a going a bit far if he's done. Why not just stop completely. He text again last night... please get some sleep I'll call you tomorrow. Then never calls. I know I should let go. But for some reason I'm holding on to hope. He's been really depressed and he said let me fix myself first. But went straight with another girl. I finally made him admit. I'm really hurt and confused. O said I just wanted honesty. No matter how much it hurts. But he won't respond to anything. Just... I'll call you tomorrow. I tried no contact. It's so damn hard. I truly believe he's hoping o just stop contacting him. Then it's over. Because he won't face me.

[HeartGoesOn]

He wants to throw out a crumb every now and then, while he has you sitting on the back burner. It's time to up your value, and refuse to be at his mercy.

[Deniselove1982]

I'm going no contact. Starting as I type this. And I'm sticking to it! He's already left me. It is time for some self respect. I'm done. It's true when they say... if someone wants to be with you... they will be.

[Deniselove1982]

Another question I wanted to ask... He became very depressed the last week or so. Are there depression disorders that make people bahave recklessly and push people away to help ease the effects of depression. Because when I was able to talk to him face to face... he sobbed. He said he thinks he wants to be with me but wasn't sure. He said if I don't... I will destroy you if I stay with you. He was going back and forth. Thinking about fixing things and then saying no... we can start over as friends, go on dates, then... as I was pulling away he made me pinky promise to not be mad at him for what he's done... and to not give up on him. Was just really sad. And now nothing. He has a really big heart, always helping everyone. I just think he really feels terrible that it broke my heart. But with all that he was saying... it was very confusing.

[Hollyj]

He left you for another and is stringing you along for attention, ego and future sex.

 

Be done with this jerk! He disrespected you terribly, and is continuing to do so.

 

Block and delete. No future.

 

You should never have moved in with him. You should know someone for at least a year, before such an important decision.

 

If he felt terrible he would not be jerking you around, or ended things the way he did.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. Living with an ex is a huge red flag that he tried to ignore but really didn't. Did you move back there?

 

It sounds like it was a rash decision to move in after a couple of weeks of dating and it never really worked especially with the ex still in the picture that much.

 

He probably has been reconsidering this for quite a while and finally got the courage to end it and move on. He's not depressed, just gave up and moved on to a less complicated situation. Stay no contact and block and delete him.

 

For future dating, get your own place and sort out a better custody/visitation and child support situation with your kids' father. Do Not Live With Him and date and expect anyone to take you seriously

I was living with my ex and mom. the fights were always about my ex. I have kids with my ex. went straight with another girl. he won't respond to anything.

[Liraele]

My boyfriend of 9 months left me. I had been hurt before and tried to be cautious. But I really thought he was the one this time. I opened my heart up and put 100% into this. There were a lot of red flags that I was ignoring.

 

Aw, cupcake.

 

You say this (quoted above), but then follow it with:

 

He said he loved me very early.

I moved in with him the first month.

We started to argue a lot.

 

The first two imply you weren't actually being cautious. The last one is pretty normal for the end of the honeymoon phase, if you're not particularly compatible.

 

Now, just because you argue with someone, it doesn't mean you don't love them. (And just because a couple doesn't argue, it doesn't mean they DO love each other.)

 

The part about falling in love and giving someone your all that is scary is that it gives you the opportunity to get hurt. That doesn't mean you should stop doing it, you just need to actually pay attention to the signs and not jump in head first when there are unaddressed concerns. Some people don't deserve your 100%, and you learn to recognize that through experience.

 

It takes some practice, and a lot of getting to know (and trust) yourself, too.

 

My suggestion in your particular instance (and in most, honestly) since it sounds like you still want to give this dude a chance: focus on loving yourself, and let him figure his own head out. It may come to a point where you realize you don't want him anymore, or it may come about that you become more compatible by each focusing on your own things. Don't bank on either - just bank on yourself and your healing.

 

Loving yourself, though, means not letting him yank your chain like it sounds like he has been doing.