Feeling used.. Please help :(

[anonymous34]

Hey... I quite honestly dont know how to start this...

To be honest I just feel so alone right now. I feel stupid for even believing in him ... to be fair I only believed parts of him.. I also not the type to post forums about this sort of .. I just feel so damn alone and I feel like no one really cares about me. It really hurts me because I thought I could trust this guy..

 

Im just so angry at this point how he totally turned his back on me.. It's soooo scary to think you actually know someone but realizing you had really no clue who they were... about 5 years ago i met this attractive guy.. he was handsome.. and .. I can't even type without wanting to cry so hard..

Im furious...because I thought he was sweet. He's a ing scumbag i wish i could slap his face..anyway... we met went on a couple dates... we flirted kissed.. we were pretty close to becoming intimate but we never really did... see i guess I was raised mormon growing up .. and i really liked him so i didnt want to ruin things by having sex with him.. anyway he is in the Air Force so he traveled alot for work and he was stationed in Asia so he said... now Im even starting to question his entire existence ... anyway we decided to keep in touch online.. he was always so sweet with me.. and we constantly chatted online and messaged eachother to touch base and check up on eachother.. i mean i never thought anything romantic would really happen between us because he was never in town .. and when he was i enlisted in the army.. now im no longer in the military.. at this point i came back home... to California...plus he was always telling me he cared about me and really was into me blah blah bah.. he even said he wanted to marry me... ok i didnt really believe that but still why the would someone say that... i just cant believe this GUY!! he was also on post here in Los Angeles. So i so eagerly called him when I got back because umm hello I hadn't seen him in forever.. anyway.. Im also going through depression and still trying to get diagnosed for either bi polar or i think OCD.. honestly i don't even know why i called him.. we met up and we became intimate after all that time.. i mean granted we mostly kept in touch online... but I just shared so much with him... and NOW I hate him! LIke what a ing PIECE of . He totally played me. WHo the dpes he think he is.. Im furious... because the moment we became intimate he like started acting busy.. saying he was working ... or doing this doing that.. so then i confronted him about it and he totally turned on me telling me that he thought it was best for us to be friends because I was taking things too seriously.. WHAT THE HELL!?? I mean ok.. so i apologized for smothering him which I was honest about I understand the feeling I've been smothered before and its annoying... and he seemed so genuine about how busy he was and my texting was excessive so i said sorry and he said maybe it's cool if we are friends because i was making things so complicated and we were losing the fun out of dating he said he still liked me .. liOfcourse I held it together and said ok lets just be ... Im thinking you know what ... maybe if we are friends then we could hang out and just really just be that and not totally over do things.. boy two days ago.. I was feeling the urge to go out hence I havent really heard from him after that convo ... so i texted him hey we should go to mexico..!! I was honest and super slammed just finishing up all MY dreaded school work.. he then said oh Im in Vegas.. ! .. Cough cough. Im trying to be cool about the entire thing... so im like fun.. but at the same time Im like you're a jerk for not inviting... and he giggled i started noticing how much he enjoyed rubbing that in my face and it really irritated me let alone he wasnt the same person I talked to before... and he thought it was funny to do that... so then i said he was not funny and he was a sociopath .. and i said have fun with the hookers getting herpes.. he totally got offended and said i was being rude.. anyway... he was ignoring me at this point.. i said you know what... you changed ever since we had sex which he did!!! Like he was always there for me when i needed someone to talk ... and always was there for me when things got really bad for me.. he was always being supportive about my goals... its like after we had sex he didnt like me anymore... i was even trying to date other people for the sake of not getting attached to him... ofcourse i still did.. It pisses me off though... he totally said after the text i sent that he was not interested in me anymore and started seeing somebody else... ! And he didnt like that I was confronting him about his behavior.... I hate him sooo much! I mean I just dont know how to feel ... Im hurting sooo much... i just felt so vulnerabble alone and going through a lot of depression... and I thought by getting close to him I would maybe feel happy again... BUT i just totally dont... Im so angry.. that he treated me so coldly after we became intimate... to the point that i blew up his phone that day.. he said he was in vegas with his parents ??? and he couldnt talk... he's had his phone off for 2 days now! I left him a lengthy text message expressing my concerns not to mention being PETTY yes ladies.. I went there.. Im thinking what the hell! It just bothered me SO MUCH how much bull he fed me..he even talked to me when i was in a ing psych ward.. I had a rough time in the miitary.. and got a Honorable discharge because I was having suicidal thoughts and having really bad depression... Im just in such a low place right now.. I feel so alone sometimes.. and i feel so abused and hurt... i honestly sometimes i want to just end my life again... I feel so taken advantage of.. Im back from the military trying to make ends meat by doing lyft and I was already struggling emotionally... i dont know why I was as stupid enough to think that I would find comfort in him ... he was always there for me when things got hard for me.. how could he??!?! Im sooo hurting right now guys.. I was already ed emotionally... from leaving the army.. I didnt have such a good time there.. i left early didnt even get a chance to deploy nor go to Air trooper school which was my next step... Im just so disappointed i dont mean to have a ing pitty party but i just dont know who to talk to me anymore..im hurting so much... i just dont know how much more pain Im supposed to endure.. I think Im a beautiful woman... Im smart... im caring.. I care about others Im loyal... I am loving.. i have empathy... I am etremely adventure driven and I would consider myself a girly tomboy.. Im girlie in civilians and obviously a tomboy when it came to working out or working hard.. and being in the army I dont make a lot of money.. and honestly i feel like thats why he didnt want me.. because he is like a colonel in the Air Force...and I didnt graduate college and I dont have a degree and I didnt graduate from some Ivy ing league or grow up with parents who make money like he does.. or ing have the money to go to a ing ski resort or travel as much as he does.... I mean I had to struggle growing up and its not some sob story either... it's just I wish sometimes people had more empathy... HE MAKES ME SICK.. I really do hate him.. I didnt really like him in the beginning.. but then as the time progressed i got to really appreciate the friendship he provided.. even though we didnt talk like every day.. he was always sweet to me and there for me when got rough... I've been through so much bull.. at the same time I feel blessed for my family and all the opportunities I've created for myself.. it really hurts. I guess I just need to vent because I have no one to talk to. I hate opening up to people.. Im learning to. Im really selective with who I do it to too.. but here online.. is the best idea I've got.

 

so here is my question... what the hell are you supposed to do... I feel so sad ... I want to be happy again.. I want to be the girl I used to be.. I always loved being around people and now Im just in my room all of the time.. worrying about everything.. I do not want to become a jaded ugly person because some douche bag hurt me.. I know Im worth more... i feel so let down.. He was probably the one guy i really cared about i didnt want to blow it with him. I literally wrote him some very mean messages too i guess i just wanted him to hurt too

... after the army i just became such a evil person.. its like you learn how to defend yourself at all costs... he deserves it though for the most part.. he deserves it because he doesnt give a about how much i am hurting right now... I told him he was fat and the sex was bad...and i said he would regret it.. .. i sounded like a male douchebag...it's just it hurts me how he could just turn his back on me... the best ammo I've got is his weight and i said he sucked in bed which was not true i said he was fat i also said he hurt me i just cant believe he walked away on me like that .. we were friends i remember even telling him id be happy for him if he found someone that made him happy if me and him didnt work out...i just didnt think it would hurt me this much... he didnt even wait ..

 

How do you just let it go...how do i just let him go? He obviously didnt care about letting me go that easily for that new girl he is seeing. What would you do? It just hurts sooo much..

[Clio]

It sounds like you have had a difficult life yet you have accomplished lots of things. Congrats for that. Sadly, this guy sounds like a player. Nothing to do with your worth/background/education etc so don't put yourself down like that. He would have done the same to any girl after a while. It sounds like he is bad for you so you need to cut contact with him. Sadly, he is not going to change no matter what you do and you need to give up trying. Feel free to vent here. We all have been through similar disappointments one way or the other. It takes some time but it DOES and WILL get better. P.S. You need to delete and block him from your phone and social media. Avoid him and avoid learning anything new about him. Keep strict no contact. That's the only way to become unstuck. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. You need to get out of your room more and focus on new things and get to know new people; people who are nice and honest. You also need to keep in contact with family and friends. Staying in your room alone makes things worse so you need to get out and get busy with something you enjoy. You let it go one day at a time and a therapist can also be very helpful if you can have access to one.

[Knight2001]

hi,

i agree with clio. this jerk is a player. he used you and he should not have. ou have acheived a lot and you can be much happier without this jerk in your life than with him in it.

dont sit greiving for long, you need to get out and have fun. make a life for yourslf that you enjoy and cut all contact with him. he's not even worth thinking about. you should pity this new girl he's now seeing.

are there any clubs/gyms/associations you can join to make new friends ? you must have a good level of fitness if you were in the military so could you join a gym ? the exercise will make you feel much better and you might make new frinds into the bargain.

keep strong and be happy, i wish you the best of luck.

[anonymous34]

To Clio

 

Thank you so much. You are right... you are so right. I need to... Yeah, i've had a difficult life... but i try to stay positive all of the time.. i want to get better and do better. You're right Im sure he would have... It just helps to hear it again from someone else.. it's tough when you're all alone with no one to remind you of this.

 

Thank you soo much

[anonymous34]

You're right i want to be happy again.. i need friends again. Yes.. i enjoy running... I was thinking about picking it up again. Yeah I've erased him and deleted him off all my contacts and facebook.. this is really killing me... it almost feels like he took an innocent part of me... its soo hard to explain.. I will never be the same...

Im going to start running again... you're right ill look into joining run clubs.. i've always thought about it.. just never went ahead and did it.. Im sure i can meet great people there.

 

Thanks Bobbyclobby