Heartbroken234 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Hi - Please I need some help. I met a man last year at our childrens school. Hes 40, I am 38. Hes a single dad and our sons attended school together. We started off having a friendship- small talk. A few months later, it grew to texts and he stated he liked me. I wasnt sure, I was alone for 3 years after an intensely painful divorce from my HS sweetheart, and honestly, I was scared. I never thought I could love again, but I felt something for his man. I gave it a shot. Now, he has his kids a lot of the time, which I love about him. His ex-wife is very "hands-off" so he truly is the primary parent Hes a wonderful dad. I love that about him. He works and has a pretty long commute- I understand the demands on his time and am very respectful of that. I have 2 children as well. In the beginning, our relationship was text. Hes very busy and could never seem to find the time for us to get together. One thing I did/do not like about him is he has a large group of "drinking & partying" friends. This group consists of men and women ranging in ages from 30 into their 40s, who mostly are single/never been married, who consistently are out partying nightly- and I do mean nightly. Its the type of partying 20 year olds do. He is obsessed with these ppl. We had a date one day to do brunch- he stood me up because he was out on a drinking bus until 4am. He is extremely sweet- I always forgave these things. Partly because I had such a great mental and emotional connection with him He has had a lot of hurt in his life (as I have too) and he says it makes him cold. Stand-offish and he has walls up So he stood me up I wanna say 2-3 times, but when we finally got together- Oh what a great time we had. Hes funny, intelligent, sweet, handsome- Because I know he is guarded, when he would say things to me- It meant so much to me. I fell hard for him Because I fell so hard, started doing "favors" for him- He had very high childcare costs, so I started to watch his kids every once in a while- Well, that grew from "when he was in a jam" to every day. I saw his kids alone more than I saw him. I cooked for him, cleaned I did everything. Most weekends he has his kids, which is great- and we would do activities with all the kids. But on the weekends he didnt have them, he rarely made plans with me unless I asked, and it kinda became like I was nagging and we would have a fight. I wanted him to want to see me. I just wanted his time. He wanted to be w the drinking crowd and he never would invite me. It hurt me a great deal. I got sick over the summer and was in the hospital- He didnt know because that night he went out drinking and was MIA. He didnt come see me that weekend either to help me because he had a party and kids. He always had an excuse- but secretly it hurt me. His kids go away for a portion of the summer. While his kids were away, we spent pretty much every minute together. We (well at least for me) fell in love so deeply- I loved him so very very much. He called me his soulmate, said I broke his cold heart, made him feel things he never felt before- He knew what love was because of me. He wanted me to sell my house and move in w him. I love him so much. Those summer night together- It meant everything to me. He was getting furniture and paint swatches for our house together. (Now he was having a lot of financial trouble- We discussed me selling my house and paying off his debt and my income and our joint finances) I didnt want to believe it was because of that he wanted me to move in- I wanted to believe it was because he loved me So, summer ends. His kids are home and hectic school life starts again. Now Im watching his kids at my home more than ever. I see his kids alone in a week more than I see him alone in 3 months. We never have alone dates- Its always kids. On his off weekends, he always seems to have plans w these "friends" Im never included. I have to admit, my resentment and anger grew. We fought- He made dates w me, but it always was after I would say something. I felt our relationship slipping away. But when we ere together, It was wonderful I love him I felt like his employee rather than his girlfriend. Now granted when we spoke- or were together, it was great. I love him so so much. Its why I did all i did But he was so hot and cold. The fighting escalated- I hated it. I felt like I was begging him for some time and attention in his busy life- he made time for the friends and to drink but not me. I ended up breaking it off with him shortly after the holidays. I said to him- I feel like a burden on your time. Im not a priority to you and I need to be I need to feel important to you and not be in last place in your life. He said I wasnt- we both cried and cried. He has a lot going on w his finances and divorce that he has to settle, so he agreed- he said maybe he shouldnt be in a relationship right now- He wants to fix his life. I was upset and I broke it off- Maybe I shouldnt have Im so confused, but I did it. Okay- so for a few weeks, we didnt text- Then we did. I saw him at a birthday party. I told him I had feelings for him- He got angry. We stopped texting then we started again. A friend of mine made me go out on a date w another guy- I couldnt- All i kept thinking of was him. However, I found out he kissed one of these "drinking friend" girls on my birthday- but it didnt work out. I know he likes her I see him posting on her FB page. How could he like her- He didnt want a "relationship" How So now its been 3 months hes texting me n we talk as if we are together- Its killing me inside. I have things at his house. Hes gonna be selling his house soon- We texted and made plans for me to come get this stuff. I get there and see him- We go out to dinner He pays, We go for coffee a drive in the car- We go back to his house and talk and talk. I felt like it was a date- Its constant mixed signals. I love this man We kiss. I was the aggressor- I admit it. He was there and I love him and I did it We kissed and I said lets go upstairs- I said not to do anything except lay together and maybe kiss and hug. I miss laying with him. I miss him No sex. He flipped out- He didnt want to but did- It was weird- He starts saying I cant process this. You are gonna get all confused now. I am trying to fix my life I cant handle this. He got so weird and angry. He had tears in his eyes. He said he cant handle this- He didnt expect this and cant handle it???? I hug him, get up and leave- On good terms. He doesnt text me to make sure Im home ok. The next day- Im a wreck. I am in love with him and Im dying inside. I call him- I just say- Listen, we text all the time- til 3am, I admit the kissing yesterday was my doing, but how do you feel about me. I have no expectation of a relationship. I know its not possible right now- Please I just wanna know your feelings. BC I still love you. He flips out. Angry, saying he does "love" me but hes not in love with anyone right now. He doesnt want a relationship He hates these conversations This is my fault because of the kiss. Im pressuring him and putting his back against a wall I say Im not- I just wanted to know how u felt bc the texting you keeps me in love with you. He wants me when hes bored or lonely or wants comfort and advice. But when hes bisy or has plans- Hes gone. I feel like hes keeping me in his back pocket- Hes trying to see what happens w this other girl, and if it doesnt work out, then he has me I told him I wont text again. If he wants me to go away- I will go away and never bother him again. He said he didnt say that? I told him the texts keep me in love with him, and for me and my heart- if he doesnt love me, I cant. I want to get back with him- Am i crazy? Im dying inside- Did he ever love me. Did I ruin my chances with the kiss and that kinda fight/conversation. I need help- I love this man. What do I do? Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.