Am i headed down the wrong path?

[MariaC120]

I'm not sure if I'm making the wrong decision but I've been dating a guy for the last 2 years. Now we've had our ups and downs but I think it's getting out of hand. A few months of dating I caught him talking to another girl behind my back in a very sexual matter. Now we worked things out but then about a year later she was downloading an app to talk to other girls or girl. I'm not sure because I never read the messages. One of the last time that I had a big fight with him was when he called me a b**** . We broke up and gotten back together every time these incidents happen. The last one I moved out of his house and I moved back to my mom's house. We went a couple months separated and he was always trying to win me back. He began going to therapy to work out any issues he may have. So we decided to give it another try. the problem that I'm having a lot of insecurities from all these issues that we've been having. He tries very hard in different ways prove to me that he's not doing the same thing but I can't help my insecurities. Now I understand that should give something a try you got to forget but it is very hard. He also has a very strong personality and we may Clash a lot. Now from everything I'm telling you you may think this guy is a total jerk why am I giving him the time of day? Every time something bad happened he come back very amazing and making promises and doing something very dramatically to win me over. He's not a bad guy he just has a bunch of issues, I guess his childhood. I care about him very much and he has done very nice things for me and my mother loves him she just tries to make me understand everything he through. But it can be quite suffocating. Play me and tried everything but we don't seem to stop fighting unfortunately a lot of the issues from my past come up during the fight and he feels that we can't get past it. It's becoming to the point that we're having very unhealthy I can't even go out and enjoy ourself. Do you keep trying or has the damage destoryed us?

[MariaC120]

Not to mention that he now says I'm the one with the problem since he goes to therapy and we're still fighting

[Wiseman2]

Are you still living at home? That is a good idea. Doesn't cyclical 'promises to get better' sound like a roller coaster to you?

 

Why is your mother facilitating and supporting an abusive relationship?

last time that I had a big fight with him was when he called me a b**** . The last one I moved out of his house and I moved back to my mom's house. Every time something bad happened he come back very amazing and making promises. we don't seem to stop fighting. It's becoming to the point that we're having very unhealthy I can't even go out and enjoy ourself.

[MariaC120]

Idk but her mother did the same thing to her. Thank you for the response. I just recently moved back in a week ago but im regretting my choice. Maybe i rush into things

[Johnson91]

I'm not sure if I'm making the wrong decision but I've been dating a guy for the last 2 years. Now we've had our ups and downs but I think it's getting out of hand. A few months of dating I caught him talking to another girl behind my back in a very sexual matter. Now we worked things out but then about a year later she was downloading an app to talk to other girls or girl. I'm not sure because I never read the messages. One of the last time that I had a big fight with him was when he called me a b**** . We broke up and gotten back together every time these incidents happen. The last one I moved out of his house and I moved back to my mom's house. We went a couple months separated and he was always trying to win me back. He began going to therapy to work out any issues he may have. So we decided to give it another try. the problem that I'm having a lot of insecurities from all these issues that we've been having. He tries very hard in different ways prove to me that he's not doing the same thing but I can't help my insecurities. Now I understand that should give something a try you got to forget but it is very hard. He also has a very strong personality and we may Clash a lot. Now from everything I'm telling you you may think this guy is a total jerk why am I giving him the time of day? Every time something bad happened he come back very amazing and making promises and doing something very dramatically to win me over. He's not a bad guy he just has a bunch of issues, I guess his childhood. I care about him very much and he has done very nice things for me and my mother loves him she just tries to make me understand everything he through. But it can be quite suffocating. Play me and tried everything but we don't seem to stop fighting unfortunately a lot of the issues from my past come up during the fight and he feels that we can't get past it. It's becoming to the point that we're having very unhealthy I can't even go out and enjoy ourself. Do you keep trying or has the damage destoryed us?

Giiiirrrrllll. I'm going thru a hard break up 6years later. I promise you just leave it alone. It doesn't get any better. Trust me. I wish when I did walk away 3yrs ago (3yrs into the relationship) that I'd had stayed away but he literally came to my door crying & now I'M the one crying & in pain. When I tell you if you have the strength to leave then please stay away and handle your business. You don't want to end up heart broken and needing more repair then you do now. I'm hurting so bad I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. RUN RUN RUN save what esteem,self worth and love you have now.

[aroud]

I'll be honest - it doesn't sound like you have any issues or insecurities that are affecting your ability to have a relationship. The fact is this guy is trying to have at the very least an emotional affair with other girls, and who knows where that will end up months or years down the line. It's not acceptable. End of.

 

Its cruel and abusive to try to make YOU believe you have issues when this guy is on apps trying to chat to other girls. Talking to another girl behind your back in a sexual manner? Why excuse his behaviour?

 

Do yourself a favour and drop this guy. Your mental health will continue to be eroded if you continue and I cannot stress how important that is.

 

Your mother might love him, but she doesn't get to make the big decisions in your life. That's your responsibility, nobody elses. Stop churning yourself to pieces and move on. This guy will carry on with this behaviour because you tolerate it. Draw your boundaries and end it. Then take some time out to think about what you really want else you risk moving into another unhealthy relationship. This is a real opportunity for you to end an unhealthy relationship and then move on and grow as a person.

[catfeeder]

Not to mention that he now says I'm the one with the problem since he goes to therapy and we're still fighting

 

There's not a shot in hell that I'd pursue another moment with him. A blame-fighter isn't relationship material, especially one who uses his therapy as a weapon.

[MariaC120]

Thank you. I just needed to know im not crazy. I feel like i am and yes i feel like the longer the worse. This is just vert intense. Im scared of making a bad decision but no matter what i do things dont get any better. Thank for all the support.

[catfeeder]

Thank you. I just needed to know im not crazy. I feel like i am and yes i feel like the longer the worse. This is just vert intense. Im scared of making a bad decision but no matter what i do things dont get any better. Thank for all the support.

 

Things won't get any better with this guy. He'll only get worse over time because you keep demonstrating that you'll keep putting up with it. He gets away with gaslighting you every time you take him back, so he'll only escalate next time. And the time after that.

 

This isn't going away unless you do.

 

Stay safe, and move forward. You'll thank yourself later.

[MariaC120]

I feel that because every time he came back a bit better, he eoulf change. I held on to hope for a long time. Im scared of making a mistake. Maybe the next guy won't try as hard for me.