3 weeks since intercourse problem.

[montanaland]

Hi all,

 

I was wondering if I could get someones viewpoint of the predicament I'm in at the moment.

 

So long story short...I met my 38gf of 3yrs on Match and moved into her condo 2yrs ago after I quit my oilfield job. The 1st yr. sex was once/twice a week..then I moved in with her. 4 months into our cohabitation I got drunk and yelled at/scolded her for having some flings name all over her living room guest board and lots of ex's on facebook. I view that moment as a turning point. Since then she has made comments about how were prob not getting married..to I should join the peace corps..to go of and do whatever if I please.

 

She is a very independent women who keeps busy with 2 jobs and has traveled to Thailand to visit a friend and plans on more excursions w/out me. She is very family orientated and does not want to leave ND any time soon. I hate ND and repeatably have told her I will not remain in the state for the rest of my life.

 

Anyways, fast forward the sex has gradually declined. She never initiates sex and has a very tough time reaching orgasm. (like twice) I've probably been turned down by her 35+ times for sex in our relationship. We get along great though and she is really a nice person, however we've become sexless companions. She does want to settle down and have a child, but reminds me it will probably never happen.. guilt tripping? I constantly bring up that we don't have sex hardly anymore. She is on birth control..but doesn't like having to take it.

 

My viewpoint> I cannot see myself with a women who wont satisfy me sexually and who wont budge from -30deg winters. I have elderly family in the 2 neighboring western states that I have to keep tabs on. Her whole family (3 brothers/mom-dad) live in this town so she her folks have lots of support.

 

Anyways, I would appreciate any feedback.

 

Thanks,

 

Dave

[reinventmyself]

Your title should read, Having problems in my relationships and not having sex is a symptom of that.

What is it you need help with?

Your relationship or why you aren't having sex?

Interesting how people just want an answer on how to get more sex.

 

My advice: address the problem, not the symptom.

[melancholy123]

I'm wondering why you are still there. The fact she's a "nice person" doesnt seem enough reason.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but you are incompatible on so many levels from the roommates thing to arguing to goals, plans, values, where to live, etc. Maybe it's time to reconsider the whole thing and move to your family.

[DancingFool]

Your relationship has been over for awhile now, don't you think? That and you both have told each other point blank that you have different goals, different ideas, different desires about where to live, etc, etc, etc. There are so many incompatibilities, I don't understand why you are continuing this charade unless it's purely because you need a roof over your head.

[montanaland]

reinventmyself- I guess it would be communication. We have communicated in levels 1 or 2 the whole relationship because we are both real "chill" and comfortable around each other. Its when we start in with the deep communication their tends to be a little gas lighting going on...or a difference in taste/viewpoints etc. She's the coolest,calmest and collective gf I've ever had. She's also had lots of experience dating for the past 18yrs. (10+boyfriends) while living between here and Phx.

 

On the other hand..I'm sure glad we've dated for this long rather than get married after yr.1 Maybe she's slowly been acting this way for the past 2yrs to get me to leave?

 

Thanks

 

I'm not living in ND for a relationship that needs lots of work. Maybe she's

[Wiseman2]

Yes just go on your own accord even if she's using the "invitation to leave" method.

Maybe she's slowly been acting this way for the past 2yrs to get me to leave?

[RebeccaLynn]

Maybe you need to talk to her about the fight you had; if she feels there is no future with you it has a lot to do with what is going on. Even if you brake it off with her don't you think you should clear the air?

[Rezie]

So you hate the place where you live and want to move. She doesn't want to move. She is 38 and wants a family but not with you. You had an argument 2 years ago that is still bothering you. It also bothers you that she has a lot of relationship experience.

 

Can't really blame you guys for having sex problems. I don't think I would want sex with all of this going on. Sex is not an issue. It's just that you are not compatible.