Dealing with rejection after a date

[FlashEng1]

He was the one who brought up sex... over text, before we even met. And me just being the open person that I am, I talked about. This was a mistake, but I would have never brought it up if he didn't

 

Well damn this changes anything I would've said differently.. This guy definitely sounds like he "said" all the right things to get you into him, but didn't seal the deal with getting you in bed, so he came out with what he was REALLY about. I definitely say he was hoping to have gotten lucky already by date 2 if not 1. In his head that kiss should've led to you two going to your place or his to end the night... You dodged a lot from this guy.

[Jibralta]

Then all of a sudden he texts me and says "I don't feel the potential for me to fall in love with you", goes on to say how he thinks I'm awesome and wants to be friends... Then he told me how when we kissed it wasn't good, he can tell I'm young (he was 10 years older) and I am boring to talk to..

 

I'm sure his rudeness is a reflection of his own inadequacies, not yours.

[HeartGoesOn]

He was the one who brought up sex... over text, before we even met. And me just being the open person that I am, I talked about. This was a mistake, but I would have never brought it up if he didn't

^

It pays to know the difference between being an "open person" and an "easy target." Hopefully you'll respect yourself, and take the lesson with you.

[maccerz]

What a horrible guy! I'm so sorry this happened to you! This is all about him and his insecurities. 2 dates is not enough to determine whether someone is boring.. he doesn't know you at all! Don't let his shake your confidence, shake it off and keep your head held high!

[Tanzi]

How to deal with the rejection? Accept that it happens to everyone at some point in their life and that it doesn't make you any less of a person than the next. Above all else, learn from it.

 

It's a reality of life but when you make something about sex so early on you will most likely lose the respect of your pursuer. Still, that doesn't excuse his rudeness. He sounds like a jerk. Be thankful that you found out early on.

 

Don't take what he said personally. It sounds as though he was highlighting your age difference - though in not such a nice manner.

 

In future, remember to respect your self and others will respect you too.

 

He was the one who brought up sex... over text, before we even met. And me just being the open person that I am, I talked about. This was a mistake, but I would have never brought it up if he didn't

 

Then this was never about respecting you anyway. It was just about sex. If you aren't after the same then the moment someone brings up sex it's time to walk in the other direction.

 

You were always in a lose lose situation with this guy. You weren't going to gain his respect by having sex with him but neither were you going to gain his respect by talking about it and not putting out on date #2. (I'm talking from his point of view here by the way, I'm glad to hear you didn't have sex with him).

 

It sounds as though he thought you were "all talk and no do". Maybe he thinks that is down to your age, IDK. Whatever, it sounds as though he was having a bit of a hissy fit because he thought having sex with you was a sure thing.

[Batya33]

He was the one who brought up sex... over text, before we even met. And me just being the open person that I am, I talked about. This was a mistake, but I would have never brought it up if he didn't

 

Agree with Heartgoeson - "open" doesn't mean you need to cross your values boundaries, what you want, or to overshare. It takes two. If you talk about sex with a stranger before you meet him chances are he will assume you are "open" to having a sexual arrangement as opposed to getting to know each other while dating with potential for a relationship.

[abitbroken]

He was the one who brought up sex... over text, before we even met. And me just being the open person that I am, I talked about. This was a mistake, but I would have never brought it up if he didn't

 

If someone brings up sex before they met me, I would not meet them. It seems like what you did is try to match him rather than thinking "gee, this guy hasn't even met me to know what i am even like..." I know its tempting when you really want to date someone to not say "okay, this guy told me what he likes, so i am going to explain how i am connected to that topic." Just chalk this up to experience and learning and say "NEXT".

[abitbroken]

btw, a guy a friend tried to set me up with told her that I looked like a nice girl who didn't take sh*t from anyone. He was used to dating women to hook up and its not that he didn't find me attractive - he just was looking for a lower caliber that was okay with easy sex. So don't take the rejection as a negative

[Annia]

Hey,

 

I agree with what others have said. I would just like to point some things and I'm sorry if this is too long and rant like, but this just hit some type of chord in me lol

 

I've always felt that some people confuse being honest with being allowed to be mean. I've been ghosted and told by several men while dating them that they found someone/the love of their life/returned to an ex. Some people might think that bluntness is better than this situation that happened to me, but while honesty is good especially if it means ending a possible relationship early on before the other person gets more caught up... it doesn't give you a free pass to be mean. But many people think that being rude is ok just because "I'm just being honest... just keepin' it real".

 

And this guy was straight up mean. I don't even believe that he actually thought what he said... it wouldn't make sense due to his actions. So I ask you not to take it personally because it has nothing to do with you. Probably something else came up like an ex to the scene or he found a more convenient lay. Besides you might think you clicked well and that it's exhausting to keep on dating and not feeling connection (believe me, been there, done that and still doing that), but this sense of connection you had with this guy was more about your expectations than actually knowing him. You didn't know him and now you know part of his true colours.

 

So my thing is that he is not wrong or bad for stating that he doesn't want a relationship with you. That was the right thing to do and he did so. However, when you're honest to someone you also have the responsibility of being kind and compassionate with them. Even if what he said was true (I don't believe it though) it is not something you say to someone in this situation because it's not something that you need to hear or something constructive that will lead to your improvement as a person or in relationships in general. So it was straight up mean and some kind of ego thing to put himself in a superior position. You don't need a man like this in your life. His shortcoming is not not wanting you or proceed with you... he has all the right for that, his short coming is being straight up rude and egoistic. I'm sure when you reject a person you're kinder with them and you don't need to detail or make up things about why you don't want the relationship.

 

The last thing I'd like to talk about is this feeling of "I'm afraid that I'm never going to find someone like him". If you think like this, and believe me sometimes I fall for that trap to, you're selling yourself short and being unfair to others and putting some sort of elusive expectations with others that won't allow you to get to really know them for who they are, taking your time and actually open yourself. Besides you'll be comparing them to a crappy person. Stop living in the "lack mentality" and start thinking abundantly. There are tones of people we'll come across. We'll feel a connection with some and with others we don't. Sometimes it will turn out into relationships, other times it won't or it won't work. But those are just experiences. There are in fact a lot of amazing people for us even if sometimes luck and timing takes its time and reciprocity. Learn from the past but treat each person like a unique being and like you're baggage free. Each person will be who they are and by that different and no two connections are the same. When the time is right you'll meet someone much better and everything will fall into place. But until that don't sit around and wait, open up yourself to the possibility without chasing it too much or making it your main priority.

 

Good luck.