Lotusavx Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 This is probably one of the weirdest things that have ever happened to me while dating. I met this guy after talking on a dating site/texting for a few days. We had a great first meeting, I thought there was lots of chemistry and I really liked him. He asked me out on a second date (which was today). We went for dinner and a movie, and we had a great time it seemed. I was really comfortable around him and there was no awkwardness at all. He dropped me off and we kissed a bit. We had openly talked about and texted about sex and what we liked and stuff like that. When he got home from dropping me off, he texted me and I casually said that I have a feeling we're going to have really good sex whenever we do (we had openly talked a lot about it, so I didn't see this as a problem). Then all of a sudden he texts me and says "I don't feel the potential for me to fall in love with you", goes on to say how he thinks I'm awesome and wants to be friends... Then he told me how when we kissed it wasn't good, he can tell I'm young (he was 10 years older) and I am boring to talk to.. which I can't believe because we both talked so much with no awkwardness or boring. I just thanked him for tonight and wished him luck, and he blocked me on Instagram for some reason. I guess I am just feeling rejected, it's usually me who lets the guy I am not into down, in a much gentler way. I am also confused, because he wanted to see me again. How do I deal with this rejection feeling? I really liked him and I liked his personality, I feel like that is hard to come by and I'm worried I won't find someone again with that type of personality that I like. Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Well I guess he gets an A in being blunt. I'd just let it go and try to think of it as his lost. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Are you looking for hookups or a relationship? Link to comment
Person1001 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 This is probably one of the weirdest things that have ever happened to me while dating. I met this guy after talking on a dating site/texting for a few days. We had a great first meeting, I thought there was lots of chemistry and I really liked him. He asked me out on a second date (which was today). We went for dinner and a movie, and we had a great time it seemed. I was really comfortable around him and there was no awkwardness at all. He dropped me off and we kissed a bit. We had openly talked about and texted about sex and what we liked and stuff like that. When he got home from dropping me off, he texted me and I casually said that I have a feeling we're going to have really good sex whenever we do (we had openly talked a lot about it, so I didn't see this as a problem). Then all of a sudden he texts me and says "I don't feel the potential for me to fall in love with you", goes on to say how he thinks I'm awesome and wants to be friends... Then he told me how when we kissed it wasn't good, he can tell I'm young (he was 10 years older) and I am boring to talk to.. which I can't believe because we both talked so much with no awkwardness or boring. I just thanked him for tonight and wished him luck, and he blocked me on Instagram for some reason. I guess I am just feeling rejected, it's usually me who lets the guy I am not into down, in a much gentler way. I am also confused, because he wanted to see me again. How do I deal with this rejection feeling? I really liked him and I liked his personality, I feel like that is hard to come by and I'm worried I won't find someone again with that type of personality that I like. This happened to me as well and it truly sucks. A positive you can take from this is he didn't lead you on and then ghost you. Let it go and find someone who is interested, be thankful he was straight forward. Link to comment
indea08 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Sounds like something happened on his end....an ex came sniffing around would be my guess. There are more men out there, this just means that one of them is a better match for you! Link to comment
leseine7 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 You GUESS you feel rejected?? Gee, why?!? He was so subtle! Joking aside, dude, of course you feel that way - I don't think he wanted you to feel any other way. I'm sorry you met this guy. I'm all for being "honest" but that's not what he was doing. It's rude and unnecessary to tell someone you have no intention of dating anyway that they were a bad kisser and "boring to talk to." Uh, seriously? I would respond to that by blocking HIM. No wishing well/ good luck out there BS. Some people approach dating online/apps as a way to pretty much pump their own egos and look for meaningless sexual encounters. You dodged a bullet, I am glad you didn't get close to sleeping with him. Just a tip: Most guys who are willing to text all about what they like sexually before even meeting you in person are unlikely to want a relationship or "picture themselves falling in love with" just about anybody right now. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Sorry to hear this. He sounds like a jerk. But the lesson learned is go Much slower especially talking about great sex and getting this attached after a 2nd date. He asked me out on a second date. I casually said that I have a feeling we're going to have really good sex whenever we do.he texts me and says "I don't feel the potential for me to fall in love with you", he told me how when we kissed it wasn't good, he can tell I'm young. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Ugh! Sorry this happened. He was awfully blunt -- totally unnecessary -- which is why I think, like another poster said, there's something else going on, most likely an ex he's not over, sniffing around and stirring things up. I had a similar thing happen to me, but the guy wasn't nearly as harsh -- he just said he didn't think it was going to work, but he didn't give me specifics as to why) -- and it turned out he wasn't over his previous ex and she was still hovering in the background and wanting to be with him. I know you feel bad, but...you dodged a bullet here. This guy doesn't deserve your time. If he really felt you were incompatible, he could have just said, "I'm not interested" or "I don't think we're a match." And, the fact that he changed his mind so quickly doesn't say much for him. You can find someone else you like. Try to put this behind you and go forward, and don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch. Link to comment
limichelle Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 I'm sorry OP but that guy was a jerk! I don't blame you for feeling rejected. I wouldn't talk about sex with anyone until you are serious and they are serious about them. Find a gentleman and sex won't be brought up so early on. If a guy brings up sex say you want to take things slow. If he flips out about it then you know you're dealing with a player. Lisa Link to comment
Knight2001 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 i agree with some of the other posters - there's something going on you don't know about. my only advice would be take it easier next time, lay off the sexy talk and let it happen graduall otherwise if you're on a dating site you might end up getting used. and this guy, even though he soundsl ike a jerk, he didnt use you for that. good luck and have fun. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Why are you talking about sex? If you want a relationship, you should NOT be discussing sex, unless you are already having it. Unless, this is all you want. Link to comment
surfdiva Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Wow, there was a much better way to end things with you. He was blunt to the point of being rude and I'm really sorry and of course you feel rejected, the way he did it was wrong and rude. Did he actually say the words that you were "boring" to talk to? That's not very nice. I have to ask though, why are you talking about sex when you've only met him once or twice? If you're looking for a hookup, that makes sense, but if you're looking for more, keep that talk aside until things have progressed more. Either way, be glad you weren't intimate with him. Move on, plenty others out there for you! Link to comment
Lotusavx Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 It's just unfortunate, because he had the exact personality and confidence that I want in someone. I have been on so many first dates where I didn't like the guys personality. This guy was exactly what I was looking for regarding personality. Since it took me a bunch of dates until I found him, I feel like what I am looking for is too hard to come by. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 It's just unfortunate, because he had the exact personality and confidence that I want in someone. I have been on so many first dates where I didn't like the guys personality. This guy was exactly what I was looking for regarding personality. Since it took me a bunch of dates until I found him, I feel like what I am looking for is too hard to come by. I went on hundreds of dates so I don't think you should assume that you're looking for something that doesn't exist. I do know for sure that talking about sex in the way you did, that early on, is sure to be a turn off to men who are looking for something serious. Yes it takes two so if he brings up sex that early, diplomatically change the subject (and if that works, chalk it up to an aberration) and if he persists, know that there is a high risk that he is not looking for something serious with you. Also this person is NOT confident. A person who is confident doesn't need to behave in that rude/blunt a way to get his point across- he doesn't put others down to feel better about himself. He obviously has social issues if that is how he chose to speak to you. What if you introduced him to your BFF and he said to her "nice meeting you even though I found you really boring and don't you think you might do well losing a little weight?" Because based on how he spoke to you when he barely knows you chances are you wouldn't want him around your loved ones. You dodged a bullet. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Sounds like sour grapes because he was hoping to hook up on date 2 since you were introducing the sex topic so much.He dropped me off and we kissed a bit. We had openly talked about and texted about sex and what we liked and stuff like that. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Why were you bringing up sex??????? You only had two dates, you don't even know this guy. You are over investing in a stranger! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 It's just unfortunate, because he had the exact personality and confidence that I want in someone. I have been on so many first dates where I didn't like the guys personality. This guy was exactly what I was looking for regarding personality. Since it took me a bunch of dates until I found him, I feel like what I am looking for is too hard to come by. Well. . You thought he was the right guy but after how he handled that, please tell me you no longer think so. Not everyone is the right one for you, but for this guy to give you a list of critical assessments was not only unnecessary, but downright mean and insensitive. Who does that?! You take a risk, put yourself out there and someone you don't know gets to critique you on a very personal level? Phew. . it's a good thing you didn't have sex with him. Imagine that. No. . he's not a nice guy. He just made himself feel better at your expense. I am sorry this happened. Shake it off. He's not worth it. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Just as an aside, I strongly feel that when sex talk/suggestion is introduced so early, the amount of respect the other person has for you generally takes a nose dive. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 ^ I agree 1,000% with Mrs. Darcy. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Just as an aside, I strongly feel that when sex talk/suggestion is introduced so early, the amount of respect the other person has for you generally takes a nose dive. Yes. a guy looking for a hookup would be excited. A guy who was looking for a future wife may not be so excited. Guys that are looking to not be entrapped would also be a little nervous - someone who wants sex fairly early but had a bad experience with a woman putting holes in a condom or talking babies right after, etc,. So would a guy that wants to take the first lead or at least make a decision about you first. Of course, this is far from sexist as when the script is flipped, men who talk about sex immediately turn women off for being a creep. I *do* think calling you boring was out of line. He could have used more grace there. He could have told you he didn't feel a connection/you didn't have enough in common. He could have simply been a jerk, but on the other hand, maybe the takeaway is to learn how to read body language and conversations a bit more. Were you just both simply talking and talking or was their substance - sometimes two people can have a lively conversation about movies and current events but divides happen on other things. Just because there is no awkward silence, doesn't mean a match has been made. Anyway, as others have said. The next date you go on, don't bring up sex so early and out of the blue. One kiss is not the time to bring it up. Link to comment
Lotusavx Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 He was the one who brought up sex... over text, before we even met. And me just being the open person that I am, I talked about. This was a mistake, but I would have never brought it up if he didn't Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Ok that in itself is a red flag and goes with my theory above of 'sour grapes' when he didn't get lucky on date two. He put you down. He has probably used "negs" on women before and it worked.He was the one who brought up sex... over text, before we even met. And me just being the open person that I am, I talked about. This was a mistake, but I would have never brought it up if he didn't "neg: An insultsed by pick-up artists to gain and maintain the attention of women" Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 He was the one who brought up sex... over text, before we even met. And me just being the open person that I am, I talked about. This was a mistake, but I would have never brought it up if he didn't He wasn't looking for a relationship. Link to comment
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