How do you know when bars/clubs are not for you?

[SoundofReason]

I consider myself to be an extrovert and I love hanging out with people, but for the life of me, I can't seem to get it together when it comes to bars and clubs. I am in my 30s, and I have only taken 1 person hoe...ever..and I don't even go there for that as most women seem to assume that if you talk to them that you want only want thing(I don't).

 

So I had two situations that happened that I did not care for, and maybe i am overthinking it but here it goes.

 

1. Had my gf and, we went out. Everything was going fine at first with this group that i was with. We are dancing with me behind her. All of a sudden, this girl comes up to her, whispers something to her, says nothing to me, and tries to lead her away. I wasn't happy about that because she did not introduce herself to me. My gf looked back at me and I nodded as if to say, "go on, its ok". When she got back, I told her that was weird. We ended up going to another bar, and that lady tried to do it AGAIN. At this point, I was like no. Again, we were dancing together and she only spoke to my gf, not to me, as if I didn't even exist. I found it to be highly disrespectful.

 

2. I went out again a month later. This time I am single. Well I met this girl and a guy and I assumed that they were together. After talking to them, I found out that they were not. So the girl and I hit it off very well as we went from bar to bar. I asked her if she was into her friend and she assured me that they were friends and nothing more. Well as we got to our last destination, she was tipsy and so was I and we started making out. No problem, I normally don't do this and all my friends saw. Well, I ended up going to the rest room and I come back and her and her friend are dancing..ok no biggie right? Well, they didn't stop, and I didn't want to be an A-hole and just go over there as we just met that night and we are nothing. So after about 30 mins of this, they start making out! Well he left, so I told her, hey are you ok? And she said yeah but she was tipsy. I said, well you know you kissed your friend right? she was like, "oh i did? Omg.." I said, "Yes and all my friends are seeing that and its making me look bad, so if you want i can back off" and again she was like no. Ok. After a bit, we get ready to leave and I go to the rest room again. When I come back, guess who is kissing each other again? Yep, that's right. I am not going to lie, I was mad, but I graciously said good bye to my friends and left.

 

One of the things that I didn't like(and one of the reasons that I don't talk to women in bars and clubs) is that they assume that I instantly want to take them home. I have to get to know someone. I don't do one night stands and I find it awkward to get into bed with someone that I just met when I don't know anything about them. Even if that does happen, I never know how to act and its just weird for me. The girl in the second situation made several remarks about how we were not going to hook up..i told her several times that I did not want to and it kinda bugged me that I had to keep repeating myself.

 

To me, this all seems like introvert behaviors, but I do love being around people. So what can I do? I do drink a few beers to take the edge off in case I do talk to a girl, but I am always nervous talking to women. FWIW though I do enjoy the music and hanging out with friends, but I have had WAY more luck meeting girls outside of bars and clubs than in them. Idk, am I doing something wrong here?

 

One more thing...

 

I do tend to shy away from people if I am involved in a situation that I feel, makes me look bad. I know my friends through meetup and they invited me out. They did tell me that they enjoyed seeing me and I should come out with them more often. I don't know if I should talk to the event organizer about this to get it off my chest, or to just let it go. I feel that If I mention something, it will come off as complaining and it will not look right.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you would do a lot better with dating apps and meeting women sober for coffee. If you take someone home for sex and she's drunk she could accuse you of all sorts of things. Besides are you looking for easy sleazy bar flies or a gf?

[SoundofReason]

It sounds like you would do a lot better with dating apps and meeting women sober for coffee. If you take someone home for sex and she's drunk she could accuse you of all sorts of things. Besides are you looking for easy sleazy bar flies or a gf?

 

Thanks man!

 

This is EXACTLY why I don't take women home.

 

I am looking for a gf.

[Batya33]

I knew they weren't for me (other than organized singles events) because looks-wise I never stood out in that way, I wasn't into drinking or trying to have a convo with someone who was buzzed in a loud environment. I did like the club scene on vacation at resorts, and loved to go out to dance when I was in my teens/20s especially.

[Dahl]

I agree with Wiseman's suggestions. Also, have you looked into meet-up groups? Good luck!

[catfeeder]

What's to defend about not liking clubs? I outgrew them pretty early. There are plenty of other things to do and ways to meet people, and we've got the whole Internet to find those.

[Ambella]

I found out the bar wasnt for me when I recognized it was more of a negative then a positive. Everything aint for everybody. Clubs and bars are for people who need attention from others or those looking yo fill a void.

[Batya33]

I found out the bar wasnt for me when I recognized it was more of a negative then a positive. Everything aint for everybody. Clubs and bars are for people who need attention from others or those looking yo fill a void.

 

Or for people who like to dance, shoot pool, want to meet up with their friends, see a band perform, etc. No need to target everyone who attends in that negative way.