Scared I'm going to cheat

[ElectricSheep123]

This is a gay relationship.

 

I've been dating the most amazing guy for almost 11 months now. I've never met anyone who I've been more compatible with on an emotional level. We have great conversations, have never argued, he's very affectionate and romantic, and I've never doubted for one how he feels about me. We even moved in together a couple months ago, and it's been great.

 

The problem is that the frequency of sex has declined since we've moved in. When we didn't live together we used to have sex maybe 3-4 times a week. However, the last time we've had sex is a week-and-a-half ago, and a week before that. The quality of the sex is still amazing. But we're just not doing it a lot, and so my needs are not fully being met. When I was single, I had a few friends with benefits (fwb) so sex was never an issue for me. When I became exclusive with my current boyfriend, I cut off all my fwb's. However, I currently find myself fantasizing about them frequently and have been fighting the urge to send one of them a message.

 

I've never cheated in my life, although I've been cheated on once before. I don't want to do it, but I feel I may slip up. How can I go about this? I love my boyfriend very much and would never want to hurt him.

 

Can anyone tell me, is this normal? Do couples enter into dry spells like these, and does it ever improve? This has been my longest relationship, so I'm not sure if this is a thing. Is he bored of me sexually?

[Seraphim]

Of course relationships have dry spells. Maybe he is stressed , not feeling his best, concentrating on something else. Try not to measure a relationship by how much sex you have. That is a comparison that will fail every time . And it's not a measure of love either .

[Wiseman2]

Moving in can make things "settle in" however it shouldn't dwindle into almost roommates. Have you discussed it with him? What about opening the relationship?

[ElectricSheep123]

Moving in can make things "settle in" however it shouldn't dwindle into almost roommates. Have you discussed it with him? What about opening the relationship?

 

No, I haven't discussed it with him. We still kiss and make out and again we're both very affectionate. So I wouldn't necessarily say we're roommates lol. It's just that I've never been in a relationship where sex was this infrequent. Part of the problem is also that I don't initiate as much as he does. Maybe I just need to do that some more as well.

 

I've been in an open relationship before. I didn't really enjoy it, although one benefit is that it did make me less jealous in that it desensitized me seeing my ex message or interact with other guys. But I know for a fact that my current bf is too traditional for that.

[melancholy123]

I think the novelty has worn off for him now that you live together. You need to talk to him!

[Pretzel]

No, I haven't discussed it with him. We still kiss and make out and again we're both very affectionate. So I wouldn't necessarily say we're roommates lol. It's just that I've never been in a relationship where sex was this infrequent. Part of the problem is also that I don't initiate as much as he does. Maybe I just need to do that some more as well.

 

I've been in an open relationship before. I didn't really enjoy it, although one benefit is that it did make me less jealous in that it desensitized me seeing my ex message or interact with other guys. But I know for a fact that my current bf is too traditional for that.

 

I would really talk to him if you want to have more sex. Tell him how you feel. If he listens and responds positively then you'll feel fulfilled and will probably stop fantasising about others.

And it's not as if you are going to tell him a bad thing! 'I want to have sex with you more' is a lot easier to say than 'I need space'. You'd be getting closer to him not further and so there's no risk to damaging the relationship.

It is probably just a dry patch - nothing more.

 

I notice you also say you don't initiate it a lot. You should try that for sure! It takes two to tango. And you might enjoy being the one to instigate it.

 

Whatever you do, don't talk away from a good and loving relationship simply due to lack of communication. You may regret that.

 

Good luck!

[catfeeder]

Oh, c'mOn. You're in full control of whether or not you cheat.

 

Either you're adult enough to negotiate your own sex life with your partner, or you're not. You're also in full control of self satisfaction whenever you want. Trying to make it sound like you're some hapless victim of a hormonal condition that could drive you to commit some insane act of disloyalty is barfable.

[mcolli]

I don't want to do it, but I feel I may slip up. How can I go about this?

 

It's not easy but you've got 2 options. Either don't do it (and have a chat with your BF) or breakup. Don't have your cake and eat it too because it will just make things horrible all around

[Longview01]

Talking to him is a start, see whats running through his head...you might need to both make more of an effort...if things don't change then consider leaving the relationship.

 

Cheating will not solve anything