My girlfriend complains about me not being by her side when she needs me.

[Eternal2k]

My gf had a 6years relationship before with one of our mutual friends. He treated her badly n controlled n dominated her.I helped her getting rid of her dark past and stood beside her.We have been related since last 1.5 years. Now a days she is very impatient. I guess distance since the beginning of our relationship has finally started taking it's toll on us. She is not thinking twice before insulting me. Recently,We got into an argument over some minor issue, things turned sour quickly and she asked me to Get lost. Later, I was told from one ofour mutual friends, she is complaining about me not standing beside her during her tough time.how would I make him understand it doesn't work one way? Also, I used to be a very positive person but now I am becoming hopeless n negative. Have been fasting since last 1.5days as I am not even feeling hungry. I know it's bad for health and I used to tell the same thing to her when she used to do these things during the initial days of our relationship. My girlfriend admitted she needs counselling because of what her ex did to her. I helped her with her depression. We don't have any third person issue as we both are monogamous n loyal. Any kind of views would be appreciated.

Edit: She also accepts she gets irritated now a days over small issues. She was not like that earlier. I wish I get her patient and caring character back.

[melancholy123]

Encourage her to go to therapy. She's got some issues that need professional help and if she won't go you may end up leaving her. She sounds too difficult to deal with.

[Eternal2k]

yes she is difficult. I used to like fixing up people who are mentally broken. I thought I could help her by being beside her. But it's tough as we live in different cities,We meet twice or thrice a year. I am not being able to help her every now n then as I am a software developer, my work is also getting hampered because things are getting out of my control slowly. I feel like my energies are being sucked up. I tried to make her emotionally independent but she still needs to deal with a lot of issues. She has improved with my help,but still it's a long way to go.

[Hollyj]

Are you a therapist? Why are you "fixing" people who have mental health issues. You sound very codependent. I suggest you look it up. Not healthy.

 

You only see her a couple of times a year? I suggest that you find someone local, who does treat you like garbage. She is mentally abusive.

 

I would ask, what you get from this?

[Eternal2k]

Are you a therapist? Why are you "fixing" people who have mental health issues. You sound very codependent. I suggest you look it up. Not healthy.

 

You only see her a couple of times a year? I suggest that you find someone local, who does treat you like garbage. She is mentally abusive.

 

I would ask, what you get from this?

 

Hi Holly,

 

No I am not a Therapist.But I do have a knack for psychology and I read a lot of articles about human behavioral patterns. I did help a few friends, who have recovered from depression once and for all. But my own girlfriend is an exception. Might be because I am mentally attached to her and that's why I couldn't fix her properly. I help people because I genuinely want to see everyone happy. I don't expect any return.

[Hollyj]

This does not qualify you to play therapist. I strongly suggest you look at you down motivation, as co dependency is not healthy for either party. You get someone out of it for yourself.

 

You should not be with someone who you need to fix! Please look into co dependency and White Knight Syndrome.

[jennylove]

"Get lost" - ok, "c-ya"

[Eternal2k]

This does not qualify you to play therapist. I strongly suggest you look at you down motivation, as co dependency is not healthy for either party. You get someone out of it for yourself.

 

You should not be with someone who you need to fix! Please look into co dependency and White Knight Syndrome.

Holly !! you pointed me to the right direction..I looked up the white knight syndrome and I am afraid I am a victim although not all the syndromes are present in me.. I will have to self-introspect it seems. I am grateful. Thanks once again.

[Wiseman2]

You do not have to treat her with kid gloves forever.

 

She's right, she needs a therapist not a new bf she can take things out on.

 

Distance yourself from this. Do not fix her, her mental health or whatever other baggage she has. That's her job to do.

We got into an argument over some minor issue, things turned sour quickly and she asked me to Get lost.My girlfriend admitted she needs counselling because of what her ex did to her.

[Eternal2k]

You do not have to treat her with kid gloves forever.

 

She's right, she needs a therapist not a new bf she can take things out on.

 

Distance yourself from this. Do not fix her, her mental health or whatever other baggage she has. That's her job to do.

 

had a short call with her after 6days..we both r confused about future..but for now trying to be together n fix all these issues together..Hopefully things will work out..leaving is not an option as it would affect both of us badly..Breaking up is always easier....Trying our level best to stick together despite all adversities is tough Let's see what happens..

But I am grateful to this community for putting effort n so much valuable opinions. Thanks everyone

[catfeeder]

If she rebounded straight over to you from the other guy, this thing may have run it's course.

[Eternal2k]

If she rebounded straight over to you from the other guy, this thing may have run it's course.

 

No she didn't... This is not a rebound relation . She took a 2 years time in between. Thanks anyways