Emotions/Self-Esteem

[DAmari]

Hi everyone, I have a problem with getting attached to almost every boy that talk to. I get upset and sad whenever they don't message me back again or whenever they take too long to message me back. I HATE IT. I know that it has something to do with my self-esteem and self-confidence because they are very low. Whenever someone tells me I'm beautiful, pretty, etc. I just think that their lying to me because they don't want to hurt my feelings.

[Wiseman2]

Don't chase or cling. Why? If you are not messaging them first, you wouldn't be upset that they are taking to long to get back to you.

I get upset and sad whenever they don't message me back again or whenever they take too long to message me back.

[melancholy123]

How old are you? I assume you are pretty young. Your feelings are valid if you are indeed a teen, we all go thru that stage of feeling lower than low. The good thing is as you grow and mature and have more life experiences you get past those feelings and become a more confident person.

 

Get out there and join groups, clubs, etc. You need to be where people of your own age are. In school? Join a team, the drama club, whatever interests you. The more socially active you are the more that will help you gain confidence and make new friends.

[DAmari]

I would be mad either way...

[Hicham]

ok well i have read some tips about how to treat women they were right to never say pertty because i think you did heard that almost everytime in my view its a good point the reason differ from eatch guys how they see the beauty on every person not necessary to be related to the appearances or look its fine there is no problem with it we all like to talk and discuss chat more its one of the habits to any of us life can t be good without friends i have no idea what attached mean because we all know that to be attached to some one as if engaged or have boyfriend or even mareid

[DAmari]

How old are you? I assume you are pretty young. Your feelings are valid if you are indeed a teen, we all go thru that stage of feeling lower than low. The good thing is as you grow and mature and have more life experiences you get past those feelings and become a more confident person.

 

Get out there and join groups, clubs, etc. You need to be where people of your own age are. In school? Join a team, the drama club, whatever interests you. The more socially active you are the more that will help you gain confidence and make new friends.

 

I'm 17 and antisocial.

[mustlovedogs]

I'm 17 and antisocial.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. I look back where I was at 17 and I grew SO much from 17-18, 18-19, 19-20... I'm almost 27, and I feel like I'm not anything like 17 year old me.

 

Just be open to new experiences, push yourself out of your comfort zone occasionally, and your self esteem will start to grow.

[melancholy123]

I stand by my advice to get yourself out there to meet others in your age group. You need to push yourself and make an effort to get to know people. You won't get anywhere hanging in the background wishing you had more friends. If you join just one group that interests you it will help you become a more well rounded person. Are you actually shy rather than anti social?

[melancholy123]

Here's some definitions of anti social. Are you one or more of these?

 

adjective

1.

unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people:

He's not antisocial, just shy.

2.

antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing; threatening:

an antisocial act.

3.

opposed or detrimental to social order or the principles on which society is constituted:

antisocial behavior.

4.

Psychiatry. of or relating to a pattern of behavior in which social norms and the rights of others are persistently violated.

[DAmari]

Here's some definitions of anti social. Are you one or more of these?

 

adjective

1.

unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people:

He's not antisocial, just shy.

2.

antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing; threatening:

an antisocial act.

3.

opposed or detrimental to social order or the principles on which society is constituted:

antisocial behavior.

4.

Psychiatry. of or relating to a pattern of behavior in which social norms and the rights of others are persistently violated.

 

I'm #1 except I'm not mean. I just don't talk. I only have 2 friends excluding family members.

[catfeeder]

I'm 17 and antisocial.

 

I'd consider working with a school counselor to help you move beyond the antisocial trap. Learning to extend yourself to others will teach you how to 'roll with' social interaction and develop resilience and a thicker skin, while isolation will just keep you ruminating in self consciousness, and will only keep drilling you a deeper hole to climb out of.

 

Isolation doesn't just lift on its own, you'll need to push yourself out of it. You'll thank yourself for that later.

 

Take baby steps.

[Ear4you]

Sounds to me as if you are a bit shy and lacking in confidence rather than being: "anti-social". Which is a phase many people go through.

 

Think of someone you know who is confident and outgoing, and how they would react to the issues that you get upset about.

 

Quite possibly if someone didn't get back to them they would say: "his loss not mine!" Or maybe even something a lot ruder! The general point being that they will almost certainly not see it as "their problem", i.e. something about them, as you tend to.

 

People who lack self-confidence tend to talk themselves down. The next time someone doesn't get back to you challenge yourself to think of as many explanations for their behaviour as you can. Some of the explanations should have nothing to do with you. If you have someone who is confident and outgoing, ask them what they would make of the same issue. Make a habit of studying people who are confident, outgoing and socially skilled. Take on board their reactions to 'knock backs" and "let downs" - how do they deal with it? Learn from them and apply their methods for dealing with things to your own repertoire of thinking and responses.

 

If you want to become more pro-social, then become a good listener. Instead of allowing a host of self- deprecating messages to run riot in your mind when talking to someone, concentrate on being the best listener that you can. Get to know the people that you are interacting with. That way you will become more adept at spotting the the ones that are unlikely to call you back, and so avoid bothering with them in the first place. Good conversation should be two way, so when you have become a good listener and shown an interest in someone, look for some reciprocal response from them. Good relationships are based on give and take, so look for that quality in your new contacts. Immaturity and egocentricity often go together, so look for someone who has the maturity to interact with you with consideration and care. The ones who don't call you back have failed the test.

 

Self-confidence is not about being the "life and soul of the party", it about valuing and respecting yourself while showing the same appreciation towards others.

 

Changing how you think about yourself is not easy, but it can be done. Try some of the above methods and see how it goes - you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.