josielove123 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 HI, I'm really confused. I've been with my husband for 8 years, married 5. Over the past few years, he has drunkenly told me that he is not in love with me. The first was when he moved away for a serving job in a high tourist area. I have different views on how a relationship should be. I never married him with the intention that he would want to move away from me for any reason and it makes me feel unwanted in the first place. After time went by, things settled down. We never broke up and went back to being generally happy. I have major trust issues. I was adopted and also have abandonment issues. He comes from a broken home. We do not have any children, just 2 dogs who we love with all of our heart. The second time was when we were back home. I obviously didn't feel loved after hearing it the first time and that came up a lot and made me insecure. The only things we have ever fought about are money and me being jealous and weary of his intentions at work. He is a sever and has worked with a multitude of women. He has never been unfaithful to my knowledge. We pressed on, we were going to go to counseling and he even bought me two relationship books for Christmas. One for him and one for me and a little card game for lovers. We never read the books, never went to counseling. The third time was recent. He had an opportunity to go out of state to open a restaurant for the company he works for. At first, I was super supportive, then the jealousy and insecurity set it. When he got the list of trainers, I questioned every female and wanted to know if he had hung out with them any, etc. I know I should have stopped myself from doing this but I really just couldn't! He ended up talking to me for a long time on the phone. He said he was there to work, and make a better life for us. He said this was a step in the right direction for him to become a manager which is what he and I both want. He told me he would never be unfaithful to me and he loved me. After this conversation, I made it a point to be strong and not bring up any part of my jealousy again. He called me 3 times a day while gone, I sent him racy pics, we skyped, it was nice. He even called me the day before he came home to tell me how proud he was of me for trusting him the rest of the trip. The second day back from the trip, he was drunk and told me AGAIN that he wasn't in love with me. He said he was serious (like times before). This time he wasn't happy and he thought all we did was fight and he thought it would be better if we just ended it. (again) I cried and cried (like i did before). He also told me that I pushed him away and had accused him of cheating so many times that he went out to the bar with another woman. He said nothing happened but exclaimed "I learned about someone who wasn't you." I was devastated. The next morning I went to work. I came home and he was taking a nap in bed. I tried to wake him up to see if we were going to talk about what had happened last night. He seemed angry, saying that he stood by what he said and I cried again. He said he wanted to leave me, the house (he loves the house), and the dogs (he loves the dogs) and start over. After all of that, he never left and when I said I was going to he said that I didn't have to. So here I am. He slept next to me in bed last night, still is calling me pet names (the nicknames he gave me) but hasn't said I love you. We went to lunch today and he wanted to know what I was thinking. I told him, it's not up to me. I wanted to know if he was just trying to push me away so far so I would end it and he wouldn't have to. He said he wasn't and he just didn't want to spend the next 30 years of our lives fighting. I asked him if he thought married people didn't fight and he said No. I told him to explain to me how one day we were as happy as can be and the next couple of days he wanted to end it. I brought up the books and said I wanted him to read them ( I had started to before he came back from his trip) he agreed to it. He said I should go to counseling for my abandonment issues. I told him I would but thought he should go to because he has issues from his past. We both agreed and he wanted me to set it up right away. I just need to know if I am fighting a losing battle? Does he really not love me? Should I move on. I love him with all of my heart and I know he loves me too. Any advice would be great as I feel that I am in the most confusing situation of my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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