How much fighting is normal?

[cupcake22]

If you are long distance what are money and future fights about? Is there an impasse?

 

Not really an impasse, but I feel like I spend a lot of money visiting him (he cannot come to the US right now) and I am trying to find a new career. It's been stressful for me. I have a lot of debts, but he tells me not to worry about it, and to keep traveling.

[Seraphim]

It does not get nasty, no name calling or screaming. I do not think they ever get resolved because he claims he "knows" I am cheating on him.

 

If he " knows " you are cheating on him. These are not fight about culture . These are fights about an insecure abusive person . Not worth one second of your time .

[cupcake22]

How old are you both?

 

 

We are both 28.

[catfeeder]

It does not get nasty, no name calling or screaming. I do not think they ever get resolved because he claims he "knows" I am cheating on him.

 

That's not 'normal' fighting by any standard in any relationship, regardless of frequency.

 

In my world, he'd be history.

 

This won't change, he'll just keep getting nastier about it. There is no way to justify staying with a guy who accuses you of cheating. That's a sickness and primary pathway to physical abuse.

 

Don't walk away, RUN.

[abitbroken]

Most of the time, it's about his inability to trust me. We don't yell/scream or insult each other, but it's more of me trying to convince him that I'm not cheating, that I love him, etc... He is very needy, and it gets frustrating.

 

have you ever cheated in the past or given him a reason to be leery? If not, I think you should end the relationship. constantly needing to go overboard to prove love and fidelity is exhausting.

[cupcake22]

have you ever cheated in the past or given him a reason to be leery? If not, I think you should end the relationship. constantly needing to go overboard to prove love and fidelity is exhausting.

 

I agree, it is frustrating, especially because I have never been unfaithful. However, I also know it is really hard to find strong connections with people. I also understand where he is coming from, as I used to be in his shoes with my ex.

[Jibralta]

Hello all, I am curious to hear your feedback on this question: Is fighting with your SO normal, and if so, how often is okay?

 

 

(I've been with my bf for 9 months now, and we have always fought. I would say maybe 2-3 times/week over money, the future, jealousy, culture/language, etc...)

 

I guess everyone has a different threshold for conflict. Some people find it useful. But I think that if you're arguing over and over again about the same issues without coming to any resolution, the conflict is probably unhealthy.

 

Edited to add: I think that his repeated accusations of infidelity and refusal to accept that you are telling him the truth should be unacceptable to you.

[tattoobunnie]

I think my and hubby fight maybe once a year, maybe? Then we duke it out, and communicate, then I literally can't remember them cuz we move on.

 

If you are fighting about the same things regularly, you two may be great people, but just not right for eachother, and that's okay. Sometimes, you just have to call it quits.