12tomorrow Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up a couple of months ago. When we broke up he told me he didn't love me anymore and that really really hurt me because I thought we would be together long term. The last few months of our relationship were toxic as my mental health wasn't very good and it caused us to argue a lot and me to be jealous and moody so it's understandable that he would feel like he doesn't love me anymore. Also he lied to me quite a bit during the relationship (he didn't cheat) and he feels so guilty for that. Since then, I've focused a lot on making myself a happier and healthier person, me and him now have a complicated relationship. We've been sleeping together and it's been discussed that it doesn't mean anything more, however without going into details it feels loving sometimes. And we're very close friends and we text each other every night. It's basically a relationship without the romance. He clearly is attracted to me and we have a closer connection to each other than we do to anyone else, so what's missing? I know he's reluctant to get back into a relationship but how do I show him that us being together again wouldn't be how it was before? I feel like he might have feelings for me because he compliments me in ways that aren't just physical (calling me beautiful and cute and saying how intelligent and kind I am) and he gets quite protective and a little jealous sometimes. And sometimes the way he looks at me and talks about me makes me certain that he still loves me. And other times I feel totally friendzoned by him. So what exactly do I do? I want a relationship with him again but I don't know how to make him not wary of trying again. He feels so guilty for how much he's hurt me and I think that might put him off being with me again because he doesn't want to do it again. Sorry for the novel but I really do need advice. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It sounds you have mutually agreed to downshift to fwb. This false security is holding you back from a real relationship with anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandy321 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 I can relate a lot to your situation. I think that by sleeping with him you kind of shoot yourself in the foot. It seems like you have really changed and that he is genuinely into you. But if you're already giving him everything he wants, why does he need to be a in a relationship with you? Don't make it so easy for him. You need to have self respect and if he really wants to be with you he will have no problem starting a relationship. Also, your situation does give me hope because my bf said the exact same thing to me when we broke up, "I don't love you anymore." It felt like a thousand daggers. Post breakup I am able to see the things I did wrong to cause him to feel this way and I am doing everything I can to work on those. If I ever had the opportunity you have, where my bf even wanted to be with me again physically then there is no way in hell I would let him without committing to a relationship. Otherwise, you are just putting your self worth and value to nothing. Your practically in a relationship. And you seem to have changed and appreciate each other more than ever. I suggest stop sleeping with him and insist that you want a real relationship, not this friends with benefits bs. If he really wants to be with you, he will be in a relationship in a second. If not, then you have your answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12tomorrow Posted April 7, 2017 Author Share Posted April 7, 2017 I can relate a lot to your situation. I think that by sleeping with him you kind of shoot yourself in the foot. It seems like you have really changed and that he is genuinely into you. But if you're already giving him everything he wants, why does he need to be a in a relationship with you? Don't make it so easy for him. You need to have self respect and if he really wants to be with you he will have no problem starting a relationship. Also, your situation does give me hope because my bf said the exact same thing to me when we broke up, "I don't love you anymore." It felt like a thousand daggers. Post breakup I am able to see the things I did wrong to cause him to feel this way and I am doing everything I can to work on those. If I ever had the opportunity you have, where my bf even wanted to be with me again physically then there is no way in hell I would let him without committing to a relationship. Otherwise, you are just putting your self worth and value to nothing. Your practically in a relationship. And you seem to have changed and appreciate each other more than ever. I suggest stop sleeping with him and insist that you want a real relationship, not this friends with benefits bs. If he really wants to be with you, he will be in a relationship in a second. If not, then you have your answer. Oh my god you are totally right, thank you so much. It sounds ridiculous though but I'm worried that if I bring up the idea of us being together again, I'm going to push him away completely. Not because he doesn't have feelings for me, but because he doesn't want to go back to the bad relationship we had for the last few months. I'm so glad you relate to my situation, I totally understand that hearing those words is one of the worst pains you can ever have. I think a lot of the time guys use "I don't love you anymore" when they mean "I don't like the situation we're in right now so I don't want to be in it". I really hope everything works out for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandy321 Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It sounds ridiculous though but I'm worried that if I bring up the idea of us being together again, I'm going to push him away completely. Not because he doesn't have feelings for me, but because he doesn't want to go back to the bad relationship we had for the last few months. It't not ridiculous, I understand that you are scared to push him away if you demand a relationship. But you know what? Every day that goes by and you continue to condone this 'friends with benefits' situation, the more and more you are ruining your shot at having a real, respectful relationship. He clearly has feelings for you. If he his a little bent up about the bad relationship then you need to take space from each other before you can start a new relationship. Trust me, this is the much better route to getting what you ultimately want. I know you are scared right now and afraid to ask for a relationship, but you're letting him have his cake and eat it to, and each day his respect for you is dwindling. I know this is harsh, but I want the best for you. You really have an actual shot here at getting him back (I wish I was so lucky), so don't ruin this opportunity. Cut the friends w/ benefits thing you have going on, you want him to RESPECT you. Maybe he will need a little time to get over the past bad relationship, but honestly it seems like that won't be a problem since you guys are practically in a relationship. Don't sell yourself short, many would be ecstatic to have the chance you do, I know I would be and I certainly wouldn't take it for granted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12tomorrow Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 Thankyou so much I'm definitely going to take your advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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