Need a place to Vent

[Gardeningfool]

So I have posted on here many times and always get such support that I thought I would vent.

I have been with my guy for alost a year. We are pretty happy and have a healthy relationship.

Prior to meeting him I was single for about a year and half . I was really hurt by my ex. It was a case of unrequited love and damn did that hurt. I didn't understand why and it took me a long time to pull myself together, to stop being pathetic girl. I continued to sleep with him for awhile and then had to completely walk away because it hurt to much. He texted me in March (I told my significant other) and I didn't respond. Well last night he called me and I answered. Don't know why. Just did. We talked for a bit and caught up about our mutual friends and stuff. I have not seen him since our breakup and we were once friends. I plan on telling my significant other who I am so very happy with. During my phone convo he asked to see me (probably for sex )and I told him I would think about it. I have to tell you that moment him asking to see me gave me such extreme closure. It felt awesome to tell him how great it I am and how great my relationship was. I was great to show him that I was no longer pathetic girl but living my life. I have no desire to get back with him at all or to have sex with him as I would never jeopardize what I have with my significant other. But I had a sense of control that I feel like I lost with him. I am tempted to see him for him to say damn I messed up and made a mistake and trust me I don't want to be with him but I was that satisfaction. Why do I feel like that? I hate that I feel like that.

[rosephase]

It sounds like you aren't actually over him. Not fully. Or rather you are over the relationship but still are invested in his emotional reality, meaning you still care what he feels... even if you just want him to feel bad. That's okay, it can take a long time. But caring about "closure" and having so many feelings about a conversation? You still care. When you don't care any more it won't feel good or bad to hear from him.

[Wiseman2]

TMI. Not necessary information, too confusing and what's the point? Why even introduce the subject that you haven't blocked him to your current bf? Do Not See This Guy. Go no contact.

 

Why waste your time "proving" anything to him, showboating, etc. A Confident move here would be block and delete not "let's meet up so i can gloat".

 

He was a jerk so why sabotage your current relationship for this? What if he says "you're ex is STILL in the picture and wants to meet? OK- we're done"?

I plan on telling my significant other who I am so very happy with.

[tattoobunnie]

Nothing wrong with being smug to know you've moved on, and he hasn't. It can be flattering. I wouldn't worry about it at all! Although, I would block him moving forward, even if you once were friends in the past. Cuz once they ask to see you, no go - bad news for your current beau.

[greta96]

It's normal, it's an ego thing. Which of course is not worth jeopardizing what you currently have with your boyfriend over.

Plus, your ex may not say what you hope he'll say; on the contrary, you may end up feeling worse about the past, when you see that he didn't in fact hit you with reconciliation in mind. Chances are he just wanted some sex and scrolled down his contact list!

 

Best not to open that can of worms. Block him so he cannot contact you anymore, and focus on your current relationship.

[Keyman]

We can all have our vengeful side, especially when we come out the other end of a relationship and realise that it wasn't the relationship we thought it was. Do not feel bad for feeling that way, but acting upon those thoughts, that would be a different story. Perhaps do yourself a favour and forgive your ex for treating you the way he did and forgive yourself for letting him. You don't need to talk to him to do this, it's simply how you feel to yourself about it. You can't change the past (without a time machine) you can only learn from it.

 

Yes, you have closure, you have walked away and found someone else, but you are not over your ex. As Rosephase says, you will be over him when you don't care either way when you hear from them.

[JaggerJim]

You'd better not go see him. You could be tempted to jump into bed with him, and that wouldn't be any good.

[Ms Darcy]

You'd better not go see him. You could be tempted to jump into bed with him, and that wouldn't be any good.

 

I agree. I think if you saw him, you might do something sexual with him. I think if you fully respected your partner, you would block his number.

[Wiseman2]

100% this :

I think if you fully respected your partner, you would block his number.

[j.man]

I actually don't think the spitefulness or the ego are normal, at least not in someone genuinely over an ex. Either do the necessary thing and cut off contact with the ex or dump your current boyfriend to take the time necessary to fully recover. If you were truly 100% happy with your current partner, you'd be thankful-- or at the very least apathetic-- for the breakup and the resulting opportunity to meet his new man rather than actually implying an existing preference for the former partner by needing to see him admit he made a mistake.

 

And what's your angle in considering telling your partner about all this? Can't tell if it's a propensity for drama or if you think it could be an effective tactic to gain more affection.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't get telling the partner either. And I really don't understand keeping a line open such that your ex can reach out to you.

[catfeeder]

I plan on telling my significant other who I am so very happy with.

 

Huge mistake if you want him to continue being happy with you. Just quit the contact with ex and invest in the relationship you claim to be happy with.

 

I can only speak for myself. I won't involve myself (or stay involved) with anyone who's still in contact with an ex in any way, shape or form, beyond shared children. I'm hardly alone in this private rule.

 

When we were kids in school, we had a social investment in remaining civil with exes because of shared classes, school grounds and social circles. That no longer applies as we mature into adulthood. So now you get to pick: manipulative schoolgirl drama rationalized by a feigned lack of self awareness, or a grownup loyalty to your BF.

 

If you make the wrong choice, it will bite you badly. If you make the right choice, you will thank yourself later, regardless of how things turn out with current BF in the future.

 

Head high, and choose wisely.

[Gardeningfool]

Thanks everyone! Had a wonderful weekend with my guy. I blocked the ex. Spending the weekend with him made me realize just how happy I am in my current situation. I told my current guy about the contact with him and he was happy that i told him. We are stronger then ever. Thanks for all the advice.