I need advice. I feel very bad

[Lila45]

Hi!

I feel really bad. I suspected that my boyfriend was cheating and I went by his job on a day he said he was taking the day off to go with his Friends that were coming from out of town to visit another friend that has cancer and is in a hospice. I waited in the coffee shop for about an hour and my boyfriend came back from lunch with a woman. They stood in front of the building for a couple minutes than hugged and kissed in the mouth goodbye.

i was in disbelief and that night when he came over and was asleep I looked in his wallet to see if he had anything written, like a name or address for the woman. He had an address with no name on it. The next day in the afternoon he called and asked if I had looked into his wallet. I told him the truth, that I did. I could not talk much when he called because I had a friend next to me and I was embarrassed to say anything in front of her. He told that was nothing I could say that would justify my actions. Next day we spoke and I told apologized. He said I accept your apologies and told me not to think of it anymore. I also told him that I saw him kissing and hugging this woman. He told me that we were just friends and that he he takes a woman out on a date, he does not have to tell me. He told me the woman is Helen and her mother lives on the building next door and he knows her from a job he did at her mother's house. I was upset, since he always addressed me as a girlfriend and introduced me to people as his girlfriend. I broke up with him and asked for my belongings back. He was going on vacation the following week, so he told me when he got back we would take care of my belongings. He texted me when he got to Colorado to let me know his flight landed safely. he told me he would let me know when he landed safely in LA when he was back. He never did and is now acting like I do not exist. I sent a text saying hello and hope all is well. he texted back two days later saying, Thanks, I hope all is well also. I called to try making arrangements to get my apartment keys that he has with him and he called a day later and got my voice mail. We missed each other's calls a few times and on the last call I left a message and he has not returned my calls. I see he is often on whatsapp, but never messages back. He is the one that wanted to stay friends and saying he wants me to always be part of his life and now is acting like I am dead. We last spoken on Feb/24th before his trip. Exchange those few words messages and nothing since.

Should I call and make arrangements to get my keys and a document I left at his place, or should I forget about both and block him from my life forever?

Thanks to anyone whom can give a few words of advice.

[Lila45]

oh, BTW, that is a history of cheating. He was constant hugging his phone and was always texting while on the bathroom at my place.

[Hollyj]

Change the locks, and block him. You have been far to kind to someone who was cheating on you. I think you need to ask yourself why you would get involved with a serial cheater.

 

Why would you want to know if he landed safely? You were broken up?

 

Do better next time.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating? Were you dating exclusively?

 

Change your locks and send an email in writing that you want your belongings back and that you will collect them at a mutually agreed upon time. After 30 days by law he can throw them out.

my boyfriend came back from lunch with a woman. They stood in front of the building for a couple minutes than hugged and kissed in the mouth goodbye.he always addressed me as a girlfriend and introduced me to people as his girlfriend. I broke up with him and asked for my belongings back. We last spoken on Feb/24th before his trip.

[Lila45]

He asked for exlusivity on the second month of dating. I was elcusive with him. He even said he knew I like him and knew I would never cheat on him, but I realized after 18 months that he was not being exclusive with me. We were together for 22 months.

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, I have some words of advice. Dump his sorry butt and get your self-respect back.

 

IF you two were in an exclusive relationship - ie. you were't both knowingly and openly in either an open relationship or just dating without commitment then he absolutely has to tell you if he's dating someone else. Sorry, but that's a load of crap. Also how many times do you go around kissing "just friends" on the mouth. Minus points as well for lying about visiting a dying friend then getting all snugly with a woman instead.

 

Sorry, I see zero socially redeeming qualities about this guy. AND you snooped, had your suspicions confirmed, he now knows you know he cheats, so really why are you surprised at all that he has ghosted on you? He didn't even have the stones to break up with you before getting jiggy with someone else. Also when you have to snoop the relationship is over. I don't care what anyone says. If you go looking for the truth you have to accept it when it bites you in the face, like this did. You felt he was cheating, you snooped, voila he was and is.

 

That's the point when you walk away. Actually I take that back though, when you feel the impulse to have to cheat to get at the truth, then is when you need to walk. But most of us, myself included in this group by the way, don't usually learn that lesson right away.

 

Anyways, it's done. Dump him, go full NC, if he tries to ever get you back laugh in his face then hang up and go back to blocking him. He's a cheat, you snooped, you verified it. There's nothing left to do if you want to hang on to your backbone and move forward a little wiser, sanity intact.

 

P.S. When they ask you to be exclusive they HAVE to be exclusive to you. That's what exclusive means, it's not a "Oh, only one of us is that." It's a load of steaming bullship if they later say, "Uh, I meant that for you, not me." That's when you tell them you didn't sign up to be part of a harem or have a bait and switch pulled on you and they can (insert whatever expletives will make you feel better) then you block and delete them. And find better.

 

P.P.S. He OWED you an apology for cheating on you and lying about where he was. You should't have apologized, you should have laughed and told him, "Are you shipping me? You're dumped!"

[ChellyV]

Let it go, collect your stuff, and move on. Better to collect them by mail or through a friend. And from today on, NC. This guy is obviously still seeking greener pastures.

[agent1607307371]

I also told him that I saw him kissing and hugging this woman. He told me that we were just friends and that he he takes a woman out on a date, he does not have to tell me.

 

Uh huh. The only reason you should feel bad is because you had a cheater for a boyfriend. You could shovel his excuse out of a stable.

 

Block him and move on. Change your locks if you have to.

[Lila45]

ParisPaulette

I did dump him and I bet it is why he is giving the NC silent treatment. He is a ego seeker man and always told me with him it is all or nothing. I assume he is with the so called date or his ego is too hurt. Lying about seeing his sick friend and taking a womanon a lunch date is sick. He secured exclusivity with me, but was not capable to do the same. He is duche bag. Either way I am taking everyone's advice here. I will send him a written letter by postal mail with a self stamped envelope and ask him to put my keys and my document in it and drop at a mail box. This should let him know that not only I got rid of his cheating ass, but I also do not want to see his cheating mug ever again either.

[Matt3939]

If you don't really need those things just go dark and be done with it all.

[kamurj]

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