Rollercoaster update

[Annie1989]

If any of you read my first post (although without the paragraphs I im understand it is difficult to read, you will know that I was cheated on by my long term partner whom I moved halfway across the country for after a month of being together. (he was a serial cheater throughout our relationship and I was dumb enough to give him several chances because he went to a Buddhist monastary said he changed...read the whole post for all the dirty details.)

 

When I found out about the cheating he said it was a stupid mistake and he only loves me and wanted to make it work. I moved out anyway and he claimed it was for the best, and I've been staying at my friends house for a month (even though I paid my half for the apartment we shared because I'm not that kind of person.)

 

Fast forward to this past Sunday when I'm out with my friends for brunch. I saw him out with the girl he cheated on me with. I had a panic attack but then I went up to them and calmly said "are you Amanda? I was the girlfriend you knew about. I just wanted to see it for myself" and calmly walked away. There was no scene, I didn't say anything mean, in fact I was pretty damn proud of myself.

 

24 hours later I get a text from my ex saying "why?" I didn't respond. Today I got a text from him saying "don't ever approach me in public like that again. Be an adult or I'll get a restraining order."

 

He was the one that broke my heart for 7 years, and it wasn't like I contacted him after I said that or did anything crazy. In fact, I'm pretty sure considering after everything I've been handling myself really well. I don't want to respond to him but I don't want him to think he won. He previously begged for me take him back, said I was the love of his life, etc. Why is he threatening me when I did nothing wrong? When I moved out he made assumptions that I was ruining my life by making rash decisions and I signed a lease and in need to be an adult. Isn't the adult thing not cheating on your girlfriend after a month of living together? Any advice would help. I know it's sick and twisted and not beneficial for my healing but I'm having a hard time blocking his number. Getting any text from him is like a drug, and I love not responding to him.

[reinventmyself]

I am not sure what kind of advise you are seeking or maybe just needed to vent.

I think you handled yourself fine, but the fact that you have the nerve to confront her rattles him and he might be afraid of whatever else you may have the nerve to do.

Let it go, don't respond.

 

(even though I paid my half for the apartment we shared because I'm not that kind of person.)

 

This is your choice, but honestly he cheated and one of the many consequences of ruining a relationships is that he'd be stuck with the rent.

Unless you are concerned that your name is on the lease and it might effect you negatively. But I certainly would pay another dime if not.

 

No doubt emotions are high right now. Shake it off.

Don't have any contact with him, block his number so you are not tempted.

You might find it liberating.

[Wiseman2]

Hopefully you have severed all the details of moving out? The Buddhist monk story is hilarious, btw.

 

Stay no contact in all forms, in person, on social media, etc. Delete and block him from all your social media and devices.

 

This is a scene and you should have ignored them and now that he's threatened you with a restraining order (rightfully so) let go. You don't want to be perceived as the bunny boiler type.

 

Move forward and focus on yourself and your own happiness.

I went up to them and calmly said "are you Amanda? I was the girlfriend you knew about. I just wanted to see it for myself" and calmly walked away. There was no scene, I didn't say anything mean, in fact I was pretty damn proud of myself. Today I got a text from him saying "don't ever approach me in public like that again. Be an adult or I'll get a restraining order."

[Keyman]

To be really honestly, I think there was only ever one adult in your relationship and that was you.

 

Sorry that this continues to go on and that you had to see them together and I think you did the right thing. A simple acknowledgement to the new girl, no scene, etc.

 

Now, you must do the most difficult thing, according to you, and delete his number permanently. But you know this already. You need to do it. The longer you let it drag on, the longer it will take to heal.

[Annie1989]

Thanks, yeah I immediately had my lawyers look over the documents and got out of the lease. I'm definitely not the fatal attraction type, like I said I haven't called him or texted him or anything since I left. It was always him sending me texts like "I know this sucks but I think you'll be better off without me" and "we did the right thing." He thinks the breakup was mutual when I broke up with him because he cheated! I'm just so upset that he finally convinced me to move in with him, I left everything i knew, and now I feel like I'm in this new city where there's always a chance I'm going to see him and his new girls. He was the only person I've ever really loved and I'm so sensitive that I know it's going to devastate me. I don't want to move though because then I'd feel like an even bigger loser.

[lostlove76]

Don't let his restraining order threat get to you. I mean, don't approach him again, because you don't need that kind of drama in your life. But don't let his threat make you feel crazy. You didn't do anything crazy, and his threat was demeaning and ridiculous given the circumstances. Don't reply to him ever again, don't say another word to him. I wouldn't have had the guts to do what you did (my heart would be pounding!), but I don't see anything wrong with it. He was an a$$$, and if she knew he had a gf and hooked up with him anyways, then she was an a$$$ too. You called them out on it, and he didn't like that. Too bad for him. But for your own sake, just hold your head high and never speak to him again.

[Hollyj]

Have you blocked this guy, yet?

[Annie1989]

I'm going to. After years of on and off emotional abuse like this I'm sure you can understand how difficult it is for me to do this. And yes, my heart was pounding and originally I ran away with tears in my eyes but then I stopped in my tracks and said "no!" and walked back and said what I said. He's so used to getting away with things that I'm glad I did it. I normally don't confront anyone so I'm sure he was surprised to see me, especially with the girl who he said he "never wanted to see again"

[DancingFool]

Calmly or otherwise, you did create drama and it was vengeful of you. The result is that it bit you in the rear and he threatened you with a restraining order. In the future, keep away from your ex's and do not accost them. You don't need to be a screaming, plate throwing fury to get into hot waters with that. You are broken up. He cheated on you, you dumped him. It is done and he is no longer your problem and rightfully so. Who he is with now and who he is cheating on now is not your problem anymore.

 

For the love of, delete his number. He is scum and not worth another thought from you. Ignoring his comments is not him winning, it's you refusing to acknowledge his stupidity and refusing to get further entangled in a mess. This is where you walk away with your head held high and without looking back. As far as you are concerned, he is dead to you.

[yatsue]

A restraining order...please. Like a judge would grant that for you going up to them calmly talking only once. I think not. If you live in the states, you should state to him to never communicate with you ever again or you will press charges for harassment. That will scare a coward like him real quick.

[Annie1989]

That's exactly what my friends said. He's just saying it to get a reaction out of me because I didn't reply to his other text. He's a classic narcissist. I never want to see him again, let alone harass him! I keep track of all of our conversations so I know legally I'm safe as it shows he's the one who has been contacting me since the break up. He's just a foul person who I thought I could change. Classic mistake on my end.

[yatsue]

That's exactly what my friends said. He's just saying it to get a reaction out of me because I didn't reply to his other text. He's a classic narcissist. I never want to see him again, let alone harass him! I keep track of all of our conversations so I know legally I'm safe as it shows he's the one who has been contacting me since the break up. He's just a foul person who I thought I could change. Classic mistake on my end.

 

My god, if I was in your situation, I would have no qualms contacting the local authorities to shut him up. I almost did once to a guy and the cops were so serious about these situations, it scared even me! I decided not to since I lived with my parents at the time and didn't want the cops to come over, but on my own-heck yeah, you have proof.

[Annie1989]

I'm not going to get the police involved, it's not like he threatened to harm me. He just threatened me with some stupid restraining order threat that could never hold up (once again, I'd be much happier if I never saw him again.) I'm really just trying to not interact with him, let alone get any authority figures involved in what is just a messy breakup between a sociopath and an idiot (me)