Diary of NC and journey to happiness

[dakun]

Well.. I've been reading many awesome threads here.. and one thing I get is: writing help you emotionally. I've understand this as I have my own blog, but it has stopped because lasts posts full of sadness about us. I dont want to go or write there anymore. So, I'll write here every time I'm feeling down.. for readers, bear with me if I write multiple posts daily hehehe..

So it's day 5 of NC (again) and day 46 since my break up.. so far so good.. I'm strong (talking to myself)..

[dakun]

Love is not enough.. I knew something was wrong in my last relationship, but I couldn't explain in detail what it was.. sometimes I feel guilty that I ended it.. but after some contemplation and reading (mostly here) I then know that love is never enough if you never take it to the final stage which is commitment.. and I didn't get it from him..

[dakun]

It was fun yesterday. I planned to do some running in the evening but turned to walking around and chatting with coworkers.. well I got my sweat though, because we did walked for almost an hour..

In the night I had conference call with my online friends (a girl and a boy who live in other islands and I never meet) and we had a blast.. I got sleepy halfway though

Soo.. today I have focus to work on my article draft because the deadline is approaching..

[dakun]

I thought I'm gonna be okay today.. but around 3PM I suddenly felt really sad and want to cry, but I was in the office, so I went to the restroom and cried silently..

I felt sad and couldn't believe that it's really over.. I saw signs that we're meant to be.. when he was would forcibly moved to another town due to job loss, miraculously after many interviews and tests (I helped him search for jobs) and no one seems would accept him in short time, an employer called. The test at that firm was quiet long ago without news so we thought he was fail, but then he was not and accepted..

 

And now.. we both have jobs.. but there's nothing between us now..

 

Thank God yoga session this evening helped cheer me a bit..

[dakun]

Day 6.. still going strong..

[Blackchapter]

I haven't spoken to my ex in close to 60 days. But I stalk the out of her profile on fb. I would have blocked and deleted her but I want her to see that I'm having a good time in a completely different country as I'm going on holiday to Prague in 13 days. After that I'll leave my page up for about a month then I'm going straight to blocking.

[dakun]

I haven't spoken to my ex in close to 60 days. But I stalk the out of her profile on fb. I would have blocked and deleted her but I want her to see that I'm having a good time in a completely different country as I'm going on holiday to Prague in 13 days. After that I'll leave my page up for about a month then I'm going straight to blocking.

 

Do you think it's kind of revenge? Why do you want her to know? To make her life a bit suffer? After 2 months you still care about that kind of thing, will it also be in my case? I hope no.. 2 months is a long time.. I hope I'm far better by 2 months of NC.. hopefully..

[dakun]

Today I have lunch outside my office which is great.. Several days before I just had my lunches in my desk..

Feeling better than yesterday..

Day 7 and counting..

[Blackchapter]

Do you think it's kind of revenge? Why do you want her to know? To make her life a bit suffer? After 2 months you still care about that kind of thing, will it also be in my case? I hope no.. 2 months is a long time.. I hope I'm far better by 2 months of NC.. hopefully..

 

It's because she went on holiday and when I saw it I fell sick to my stomach. Now I want her to know that I'm having a good time.

 

Update.

 

Just messaged her hope you're doing ok if you get the chance I'd like to talk just to catchup. They were ignored. From 60 days NC back to day 1.

[Blackchapter]

Today I have lunch outside my office which is great.. Several days before I just had my lunches in my desk..

Feeling better than yesterday..

Day 7 and counting..

 

I'm going to join you in this log. Day 1 is going to be good.

[dakun]

It's because she went on holiday and when I saw it I fell sick to my stomach. Now I want her to know that I'm having a good time.

 

Update.

 

Just messaged her hope you're doing ok if you get the chance I'd like to talk just to catchup. They were ignored. From 60 days NC back to day 1.

 

Aww.. that must be sucks.. let's focus on ourselves from now on.. yup.. let's count the days together until we don't have to count anymore..

[dakun]

I'm going to join you in this log. Day 1 is going to be good.

 

Blackchapter, if you use an android, there's application called 'breakup freedom'. I like the app.. it counts the number of NC days has passed and so many good quotes to encourage.

[dakun]

This night I plan to watch movie on dvd to spend night so I don't think much about him..

I'm really grateful he's not someone using socmed, so I can still enjoy my fb..

Faster.. time please fly faster..

[Blackchapter]

Dakun I'm going to be strong from here on out. No more thinking. I actually feel better that she didn't reply. I'm going strong now. Watch me

[dakun]

Dakun I'm going to be strong from here on out. No more thinking. I actually feel better that she didn't reply. I'm going strong now. Watch me

 

So that 60 days of NC is useful then that you feel better she didn't reply.. I hope I can be like that someday.. I know watching you going strong will encourage me.. thank you..

[dakun]

Not feeling quiet good today.. still feel miserable.. well there's a good news though I get my CFP exam passed.. but I'm not as exciting as I thought..

Day 8.. don't give up..

[dakun]

Went a little jog this evening with coworkers.. feeling a bit better..

Tonight I'll go to my mom's house and stay there for weekend.. Usually I'll feel a lot better at weekend..

[dakun]

I had the face cream I ordered from US arrived. I live in southeast asia.. yeayy.. let's see what the result will be..

[dakun]

I broke the NC today.. he only answered some of my questions and don't want a call for now.. I send a song that convey my feeling.. that I know we cant be together, it's really hard for me but I will be tough and try to get by..

I wonder if one day he will miss me.. but I know I shouldn't think that.. Better to think there's no turning back..

[dakun]

The reconciliation option is closed.. I don't want to think about it.. I just hope I can be healed soonest.. this 2 months is really awful..

[dakun]

I have contact him again today.. the pattern is always like that.. Once I broke the NC, it will last for 2 days.. but for God sake.. the NC that starts tomorrow better last for more than one month.. God help me..

[dakun]

I forgive him.. this time for final I'll never disturb him again.. I'll let go all the feeling, the good and the bad about him.. I know this won't be easy, but I will..

Day 1 of NC again..

[dakun]

I'm trying online therapy.. hell it's great to have a listener hehehe.. and now I don't say it Day 1 of NC..

It's Day 1 of the rest of my new life

[dakun]

It's Day 9 of the rest of my new life.. this is a point longest record I didnt contact him before.. I'll have new record definitely! Been several days without crying.. and busy with my friends.. and shopping lol..

I do beauty care now.. I never care about that before, but maybe to see my wrinkle become less and less visible will boost my mood.. lol

Btw I've been hanging around 7cups.com and that place is really great!

[dakun]

It's Day 15 of the rest of my new life.. Yeayyyy.. It's gettig better.. I cried a little today remembering him.. but it was just after about 1.5 week passed.. and the tears is just too little to be counted..

I'm planning on having a glamour thematic photograph of myself at the weekend! Yeayyy... I was searching for prewedding photo service before I broke up.. But hell, why can't I have a nice photograph by myself?! Been a long time not going to a photo studio, the experience will be great!