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So, my ex.. I was with him for 5 year. In the 5 year we had a beautiful daughter and got married. A year of being married and things began to change. We lived as friends. Intimacy stopped and we lived separate life's under the same room. I thought I'd be better without him. After a few days apart we decided it was over and he left. ( our relationship had been over a few months already but we had chose to just try and carry on ) .. a week after splitting up I was asked on a date from a close friend.. a year and half later me and my new partner live together, are engaged and are expecting our first baby.. Before I found out I was pregnant I was starting to regret me and my husband splitting up. Then I put it down to hormones, he's a great guy and I'd hate to hurt hI'm he's the total opposite to my husband. Looks personality everything . My ex husband ( although we are still married ) is still a big part of my life. He has our daughter every weekend and we have somewhat built a great friendship. My new partner obviously hates it.. a lately I can't get my ex husband out my head and I look forward to talking to him. We still speak most days. He isn't yet with anyone else. Am I just being hormonal and silly or am I beginning to miss my husband ? I feel a mess and I feel like I'm cheating without physically doing so. Help?

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You jumped into a new relationship far too quickly.

 

I think this isn't hormones. You needed time on your own to heal and sort out your emotions without filling the void with another man so fast. Obviously, that's not really an option anymore. Ask yourself: if your ex wanted to try again, would you? If you knew he wasn't interested in reconciling, how would you feel? Where are you in the divorce proceedings?

 

Postpone this wedding and have a very honest talk with your current partner. If you are having doubts about a future together, he needs to know that. Your ex will always be part of your life, given that you have a child. But how close are you? I am gathering you talk about things other than your daughter and this is what bothers your fiance. He senses you still have feelings for him.

 

It sounds to me like you could do with some individual counselling to work through all of this, and if you are still interested in being with your fiance, you will definitely need couple's counselling.

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You are being inappropriate and having an emotional affair with your ex. It's great to be on good terms when you have to communicate about your child, but your conversations need to be limited to that subject. It sounds like you go beyond that with the conversations, and that needs to stop. If he tries to talk to you about things other than your child, tell him you have to be frank and have realized that it's preventing you from moving on. He's probably an escape from the normal daily stress you have in your primary household, where bills have to paid and children have to be attended to and chores have to be split. The other life looks more appealing because you no longer have that stress with the ex. It's a fantasy. Neither of you loved each other enough at the time to try everything in your power to right things before throwing in the towel.

 

You are losing an emotional connection with your present partner. You need to pour your emotional energy into him, and make him the focus. Yes, it takes daily effort on both sides to keep a relationship strong and to keep the passion in your partnership. If you let that slide, you have no one else but yourself to blame. If you don't make this work, and go running back to your ex and that ends again as well, children will be shuttled off to two dads and you will find yourself alone and no other single man would be in his right mind to date you.

 

Emotional affairs are dangerous. It's the same thing if, other than exes, you start looking forward to speaking daily with a male co-worker you have chemistry with, or a male friend. You have to stop that close friendship to save your primary relationship. Go to couples counseling with your new partner, or at the very least, read some books that will guide you to success, such as The Five Love Languages and Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Good luck.

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I wouldn't try again with him as we drifted apart and was no longer good for each other . As for a divorce I visited a solicitor and we've to be separated for 2 years before we can start divorce proceedings.

 

My new partner and I are engaged but there's no rush for marriage. I'm 25. I probably shouldn't have got married the first time round but at the time I honestly thought my child's father was my forever. We speak every other day, just about. It's about our daughter then just general things. He'll talk about work and I'll talk about usual day to day stuff. It's nothing out of context. I understand my partner not liking my ex and him minding us speaking but as I said we ended on friendly terms. I didn't see an issues with this and thought it better all round if we all got on.

 

My current partner is amazing he'd do anything for both me and my daughter. He makes me feel loved and wanted like I never have befor hence me thinking it's just hormones.

 

I do understand what your saying and maybe your right I have something I should probably sort on my own but I don't want to hurt my fiance.

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You are still married so you are living with this baby-daddy/bf as an affair. Does your husband want you back?

In the 5 year we had a beautiful daughter and got married. me and my new partner live together expecting our first baby. I was starting to regret me and my husband splitting up. we are still married is still a big part of my life.
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You are still married so you are living with this baby-daddy/bf as an affair. Does your husband want you back?

 

It's not an affair. My husband is aware of my relationship. Our marriage broke down I moved on. As far as I am aware no he dosnt.

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You are not divorced so you are married, estranged and pregnant with your live-in lover. Will your husband take you back?

What's wrong with the new guy? How can you be 'engaged' if you never bothered getting divorced?

It's not an affair. My husband is aware of my relationship. Our marriage broke down I moved on. As far as I am aware no he dosnt.
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You are not divorced so you are married, estranged and pregnant with your live-in lover. Will your husband take you back?

What's wrong with the new guy? How can you be 'engaged' if you never bothered getting divorced?

 

You don't have to be divorced to be engaged. People are engaged for years sometimes befor they marry.hes never said he wants me back nor have I to him and for the 3rd time.. We're in the UK. I've been to a solicitor. We cannot get divorced or start a divorce until we have been separated for 2 years.

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Ok then it sounds like he wants to proceed with the divorce and be co-parents who continue to get along well. Is your new relationship better overall than this marriage was?

 

Why did it end up as 'roommates' after just a yr into marriage? Was there no attraction or affection? never said he wants me back nor have I to him and for the 3rd time. I've been to a solicitor. We cannot get divorced or start a divorce until we have been separated for 2 years.

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Ok then it sounds like he wants to proceed with the divorce and be co-parents who continue to get along well. Is your new relationship better overall than this marriage was?

 

Why did it end up as 'roommates' after just a yr into marriage? Was there no attraction or affection?

 

Exactly and to me there's nothing wrong with that. When we were together and things were good they were great... then he changed.. we began living together but as separate life's. He'd go to work come home and do his thing at home which just didn't involve me. I felt unwanted and unloved like he no longer had time for me. There's always been attraction. The affection went. I'm a pretty needy person and it stopped on his side. I felt I'd done something wrong like I had to beg for love. With my fiance he shows me so much love I some times feel suffocated. I know that sounds bad and like I'm being ungrateful but I'm not. I just feel he loves hard and it's not something I'm totally used to.

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First off you can be friendly with your ex but what you are doing is not a friendship for the sake of your shared child. The conversations you are having with your ex are ones you SHOULD be having with your fiancé. You are forming an emotional bond to your ex which should not be happening.

 

Keep the "talks" with your ex more business like and less frequent and have the day sharing talks with the man you love.

 

Time to leave the past where it belongs and focus on the future.

 

Lost

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I personally think that you haven't processed your break up. And you are in a similar situation again and want away out since it might get complicated like before. So you are scared. Now your ex feels good since you can pick the good parts when not in relationship.

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First off you can be friendly with your ex but what you are doing is not a friendship for the sake of your shared child. The conversations you are having with your ex are ones you SHOULD be having with your fiancé. You are forming an emotional bond to your ex which should not be happening.

 

Keep the "talks" with your ex more business like and less frequent and have the day sharing talks with the man you love.

 

Time to leave the past where it belongs and focus on the future.

 

Lost

 

I guess I just didn't see any harm in me still having a friendship with him. I want to focus on the future I really do I just feel something holding me back.

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I personally think that you haven't processed your break up. And you are in a similar situation again and want away out since it might get complicated like before. So you are scared. Now your ex feels good since you can pick the good parts when not in relationship.

 

I think you just hit the nail on the head but it's not that I want a way out I'm lost as to what it is I truly feel or want.

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"I can't get my ex husband out my head and I look forward to talking to him. We still speak most days."

 

That's the reason you can't have conversations about anything except your child, and that should be very minimal, like what time the child will be picked up. There's a difference of being friendly to someone versus being their friend. There are many people you can be friends with, but the ex is not one of them, because as you see, it's not fair for you to pour that type of energy into someone you still have chemistry with. Your new man should be upset. How would you like it if you knew he was excited about, and looked forward to speaking with an ex every day?

 

If you feel smothered by your present partner, speak up about what you want. Do either of you have a life outside each other, spending time with friends and hobbies? Make sure you do for a healthy balance. You could also join a mommy and me group. It also could be, that your present partner is so loving, that you subconsciously don't think you deserve that. Make sure your self-esteem is healthy, or you will run away from someone who is good for you, to keep a dysfunctional loop going.

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This is why you don't jump straight into a new relationship right after getting out of such a long and serious one. And definitely shouldn't have been letting the new guy do you know what in you until you were sure you wanted to stay with him and waneed a child with him. If you weren't pregnant, it seems pretty clear that you'd have already at least jumped back in to bed with your ex, if not back into the whole relationship in general. You obviously need to figure out what to do and what the right thing is, but it seems obvious that you know what you're going to do, and it's not going to be sticking with the guy you're with. And that's a shame because he sounds like he's a much better guy for you. Let me guess though, can't stop thinking about the sex with your ex among other things. It's understandable to sometimes think about and maybe even pine a tiny bit for people we've been with before, but if your relationship already didn't work, it's probably not likely that getting back together would end in anything but the same outcome as previously. And this could've been so much less messy if you, or the new guy, or both of you, had used contraception. Really not trying to be rude but it sounds like you need to educate yourself about that. Good luck with whatever you choose, but it seems you already know in your heart and mind what you really want to do.

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