Annie1989 Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 Strap in you guys because this is a long one. I met this guy in college and slept with him. He tried to get me to go out with him for 6 months after that but I had no interest. Later on something changed and I decided to give him a chance. He was very sweet and I became attached to him. He became my first boyfriend because I never was seriously into anyone else like him. It was a crazy connection. However, I left college for a semester due to depression and anxiety. For the month we were together, he would sit with me in the room I couldn't leave and would make me feel better. We continued our relationship and I basically moved in with him when I returned my senior year. We've always had an incredible connection but he always had issues with infidelity. I found out I was pregnant and had to drive back 8 hours home with him to drop him off for a seminar at Harvard and then drive two hours to my family home to get an abortion alone (FYI I had two forms of bc fail *condom and hormonal pills* I wasn't being irresponsible, the odds were not in my favor and physically it's not safe for me to have a child) . I found out he was texting girls and cheating on me. Every time I left him I missed him so much that i would take him back when he called crying. After we graduated I went home and I found out he had phone sex with another girl. He moved to California and I moved back home to Connecticut. I didn't respond to anything he said to me for 5-6 months before he weasled his way back into my life. I date people in the meantime but I don't have the same strong feelings I have like with him. I've lost count of how many times we broke up until I blocked him for two years. The whole time he was emailing me songs, long letters declaring his love etc. He flew to Nepal to use drones to find bodies after the earthquake and he called me to say he wanted to stop here before going home and I agteeed. He ended up staying for a month with me and we decided to do long distance. Cue him being an and us breaking up a few more times. He calls me up crying months later to tell me that "he's on an infinite looop that always ends back with me being the only one for him" and him begging me back. I hate him but I love him so I agree. He breaks up with me a week later to tell me he's becoming a Buddhist monk. Calls me up three months later to tell me he's going to a Monastary but he wants to spend my his life with me. We both decide to move back to the state where we met(where he's originally from) and we get an apartment together and moved in on Valentine's Day. He tells me he doesn't want to drink or do anything but work and buy us a house. I then find out the one night he goes out with his friends he meets a girl and is sexting her. He said he was just going to forget he did it and not tell me so I wouldn't get "hurt". I kicked him out of the apartment but i end up moving out the next day because I said that was it for cheating and the heartbreak. He didn't last a month living with me without slipping up. He cries and says that he loves me and he has problems and doesn't know why he's an idiot, however he blamed me for making a "rash decision to end the relationship" and how he wanted to work it out and how he didn't want to see this girl again and how he didn't cheat they were just texts. I go to get the rest of my stuff and he was still texting that girl. He then switches the next day and says we are better off apart anyway. I paid my rent for the month, even though I'm now on my friends couch, dejected. This final breakup happened 3 weeks ago. Today I was out and I saw him out with her. The damn hostess tried to sit me next To then! I panicked at first but then I snapped out of it and went up to them and said "are you Amanda? I was his girlfriend when you were texting. Just wanted to check this out for myself" and all she could do is smirk and he just said nothing as I walked away. I live in a big city so I was hoping to never see them together. I should mention that since I moved here he hasn't taken me out on a date. I feel so awful and while I know he's a scumbag (a super charming, sociopathic scumbag) I'm actually a pretty smart girl and I'm mad at myself for believing him when he said he loved me for 7 years and I moved here to be with him because I feel like I would never do that with anybody else because I'm usually so levelheaded when it comes to "love". Except with him. Why am I so dumb for loving someone so terrible? I need to get the pain to stop and really understand that I'm better off. I don't want to get back together with him, I just can't believe I'm in this position. My self esteem is shot and it physically pains me to think of him with someone else. His father constantly cheated on his mother and I told him he needed therapy but he refuses. All I did was love him and all I got was heartbreak. Over and over again. Why would I do that to myself? I always try to find the good in people but this time it really f***ed me over. I really hate dating and I loved being in a relationship with only him. I'm afraid I'll never fall in love again because most of my formative young adult life has been wasted believing he was the only one for me. I don't even like looking at other guys, let alone attempt to flirt. I know I should use this time to focus on myself and improving my life, I'm just so depressed and hurt (about my stupidity and the loss of my "best friend") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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